The Big Bang Theory 5x22

The Stag Convergence

& Sheldon: I wish you could all be inside my head... The conversation is sparkling.

& Raj: Anyway ... we should talk about Howard’s bachelor party. I’ve been doing some research on strippers. One agency I spoke to, said I could get us a great price if we’re flexible on age range and number of limbs.

& Sheldon: You know Germans have an interesting pre-wedding custom...
    Howard: Well, it’s probably not for me.

& Leonard: Are you drinking whiskey?
    Sheldon: Indeed. If I’m to participate in the social convention that is the stag night, then I must embrace all its components: including tobacco, swear words, and yes, alcohol... Jeepers! That’s yucky.
    Leonard: Whoa, it’s a little early to start dropping J-bombs, don’t you think?

& Amy: This is Maid of Honor Amy Farrah Fowler, bringing you the wedding activities just weeks out from the big day. Let’s check in with a beautiful, radiant young woman, and her friend who’s about to get married.

& Amy: All right, pivoting to the big question: Bernadette, on your wedding night you’ll be consummating your marriage. What do you think your first sexual position will be as husband and wife?
    Penny: Amy, please.
    Amy: Keeping in mind that whoever’s on top may set the tone for the marriage.

& Penny: Ask her things like “Are you going to take Howard’s name?” Not “Who’s going to sit on who.”
    Bernadette: I’ve actually been thinking I’m going to hyphenate: Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski-Wolowitz.
    Penny: Nice... You know, you should totally get Bernadette-Maryann-Rostenkowski-Wolowitz.com

& Bernadette: Do you know, for a while in Poland, my family and his family were neighbors.
    Penny: Oh, that’s cool.
    Amy: No, it’s not. I’ll explain it to you later.

---

& Raj: Does anyone have any words they’d like to say about our man of the evening?
    Sheldon: I do... As is the tradition, I have prepared a series of disrespectful jokes which generate humor at Howard’s expense. Prepare to have your ribs tickled...

& Sheldon: Okay, kidding aside... Howard, you are a good friend. And I wish you nothing but happiness... Bazinga, I don’t!
    Leonard: Sheldon...
    Sheldon: Doubleazinga! I do!

& Stuart: Okay, I’ll go. Howard, when I think about you and Bernadette starting this wonderful life together... I can’t help but get a little choked up. I mean... look at you. You have everything. Look at me. I’m 37. I sleep in the back of a comic book store, and I have the bone density of an 80-year-old man... To Howard.

& Howard: Bernadette, listen...
    Bernadette: You lied to me. You said you told me about all the girls you’ve been with, but you never mentioned your cousin, the prostitute or Raj!

& Bernadette: I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m supposed to marry Howard in a couple weeks and I’m not sure I even know who the man is anymore.
    Amy: I’m curious what’s bothering you most: the borderline incest, the prostitute or group sex with the girl dressed as the children’s cartoon?

& Howard: I don’t know what my next move is.
    Leonard: Well, Howard, I don’t know much about women...
    Howard: Yeah?
    Leonard: No, uh, that, that’s it. I don’t know much about women.

& Penny: What’s with the robe?
    Leonard: I’m gonna have sex with you right here, right now, on that washing machine.
    Penny: No, you’re not.
    Leonard: Come on, please...

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On the Imdb.