30 Rock 3x21

Mamma Mia

& Liz: Look, why don’t you just ask your mother who it is?
    Jake: No, no. Not Colleen. She had her reasons for keeping this from me for 50 years, And I don’t want her to relive it. Also, I want something really juicy to whisper to her on her deathbed.

& Jake: Tracy, why did you never try to find your father?
    Tracy: Because he’s dead.
    Jake: How do you know that?
    Tracy: Because I’m rich, and if that man was alive, He’d be living in my pool house, And I’d be paying him $200,000 a year to mow my lawn.
    Jake: Exactly. That’s all family is... a drain.

---

& Jake: Milton Greene and I are nothing alike. I have one scotch with the guy, and it devolves into a screaming match about Tom Delay.
    Liz: So you have a couple drinks, fight about politics, and then you take it personally when he doesn’t agree with you?.. That’s called having a dad, Jack.

& Tracy: Liz Lemon, I may hug people too hard and get lost at malls... But I’m not an idiot.

& Milton Greene: I have a son! A beautiful son!
    Jake: And I have a dad!
    Greene: Fate has brought us together, Jack. You opened a whole new chapter in my life!
    Jake: Yeah. Isn’t it amazing?
    Greene: Oh, you don’t know the half of it! I need a kidney!.. Oh, God! This is so great!

--
+ quotes on the Imdb.