New Boss

The Office 5×18

Dwight Schrute: Michael, since it is your fifteenth anniversary at the company, I thought it might be appropriate to begin the festivities with a 15-minute round of applause.
Michael Scott: I like it.
Dwight Schrute: Followed by a 15-minute moment of silence.

Michael Scott: I met this guy at corporate last week, and we were just digging each other's vibe. I was totally grooving on him, and vice versa. And besides, the last two people to have his job were Jan and Ryan. The former was my lover, and the latter my best friend, so who knows?... I do. It's gonna be mental! It's going to be mental.

Kelly Kapoor: Oh, my God, he's like a black George Clooney.

Jim Halpert: Hey, how you doing? I'm Jim Halpert, from sales.
Charles Miner: Hey.
Jim Halpert: Just wanted to say, if you need anything, let me know.
Charles Miner: Why are you wearing a tuxedo?

Michael Scott: David, it was my understanding that I was not going to be managed.
David Wallace: What gave you that idea?
Michael Scott: It was my understanding.
David Wallace: I see.
Michael Scott: Listen, why don't we just leave that position vacant? Truth be told, I think I thrive under a lack of accountability.

Michael Scott: [David Wallace] said that you and I should try to get to know each other better, and I agree. So, what I would like you to do is tell me something that you've never told anybody before.
Charles Miner: No.
Michael Scott: Come on. What's your wife's name? Where did you work before you came here?
Charles Miner: Saticoy Steel.
Michael Scott: Beautiful! See, African-Americans have such a rich history of unusual names.

Pam Beesly: Oh, no. I can tell Michael's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do. The more infantile, the more upset he is. And he just skipped the Ace Ventura talking-butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad. Five years old. Five years old!

Charles Miner: What's going on in here?
Pam Beesly: Party Planning Committee.
Michael Scott: Not your concern, Charles.
Charles Miner: This doesn't seem like a good way to spend company time.
Michael Scott: Really? Well, then, how would we come up with great ideas like Jim's? Go ahead.
Jim Halpert: No, I would like to get back to work, actually.
Michael Scott: Please. What you got, Jim?
Charles Miner: What is a two-way petting zoo?
Jim Halpert: You pet the animals, they pet you back.
Michael Scott: It's a great idea. And we have a cake in the shape of a bale of hay.
Pam Beesly: It's really just a regular-shaped cake...

Charles Miner: This is a workplace. It isn't designed for your vanity.
Michael Scott: Newsflash. I've been here for 15 years. Headline. You have been here one day. End of story. You have no right to cancel my fifteenth anniversary party. End of story. End of story! End of story!

David Wallace: Okay. Here's what I'm gonna do. Okay. We will move some money around, and I will personally see to it that you have your party, you have your figs. I will be in attendance. It's gonna be great. How's that?
Michael Scott: ... I quit.
David Wallace: What? Michael.
Michael Scott: You have no idea how high I can fly.

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