DikinBaus Hot Dogs

South Park 26×5

Eric Cartman Butters, what the hell are you wearing?
Butters Stotch: I got a job over at the ice cream shop. And guess what? I got my very first paycheck.
Eric Cartman That's not fair. I want a paycheck.
Butters Stotch: My dad told me if I got a job, we could put my paychecks in my very own bank account.
Eric Cartman I want a bank account.
Stan Marsh: I didn't know kids could get jobs.
Butters Stotch: Yeah. Well, I guess these days, it's real hard for businesses to find people to work so they'll take whatever they can get.
Eric Cartman I want to take whatever I can get.

Butters Stotch: It's what they call the Great Resignation labor shortage. So now if you have your parent's permission, there's some jobs they'll even let kids do.

Eric Cartman My mom gave me permission. I can start work now. What do I do?
Butters Stotch: Well, but Eric, this is my job.
Eric Cartman Yeah, I want your job, sitting around eating ice cream. Sounds fun.

Mr. Sullivan: Butters, can you vouch for him? Is he trustworthy and reliable?
Butters Stotch: Uh, oh, um... okay.

Butters Stotch: Oh. Hello, sir. Hope you're having a creamy day. What can I get for you?
Customer: Can I have a single scoop of coconut almond fudge?
Butters Stotch: Okay. Eric, can you scoop out some coconut almond fudge?
Eric Cartman Why?
Butters Stotch: Because it's your job, Eric.
Eric Cartman Whoa, Butters. Let's not make this a toxic work environment, OK?

Butters Stotch: Eric! Eric, you can't just sit there at a table.
Eric Cartman Yeah, I can. It's Monday.
Butters Stotch: So?
Eric Cartman So haven't you heard of bare minimum Mondays? It's a thing that young people have created because we care about our mental health.

Mr. Sullivan: Butters, what's going on?
Butters Stotch: Uh, Eric says he's going to work from home.
Mr. Sullivan: How can he work from home? This is an ice cream shop!
Eric Cartman Yeah, no, 'cause see, I'm actually taking a mental health day. Yeah, young people can just ask for a mental health day and employers can't deny them. It's my mental health day.

Eric Cartman Okay... But don't forget that tomorrow is take it easy Tuesdays.

Eric Cartman You know what's total bullcrap, Butters? It's how much money the owner of this place is making while we're out here busting our asses. I mean, what does that old fart even do?
Butters Stotch: Eric, could you please fill this nice lady's order?
Eric Cartman Oh, yes, let me get that for you, masa, right away, nah.

Eric Cartman I mean, seriously, Butters. Why do we have to work for the owner? We know how to do all this stuff now. We don't even need that guy. There has to be a way we could turn the tables. There has to be a way we could make all the money. Wait a minute...

Eric Cartman Kenny! Kenny, you're not going to believe this, but I just quit my job.
Kenny McKormick You had a job?

Eric Cartman Yes, I had a job. But I got fed up, sick of working my fingers to the bone for some piece of shit owner. And that's when it hit me. Kenny, we should open a restaurant.
Kenny McKormick Why the fuck would we open a restaurant?

Butters Stotch: But I like my ice cream job. I don't want to open a hot dog.
Eric Cartman No, you keep working at the ice cream shop. We're going to open the hot dog. All you do is collect the money as the investor.
Butters Stotch: Yeah, but this is... This is my money. I worked hard for it.
Eric Cartman Butters, it's just like, you're lucky, you know? You have money. But look at Kenny. Can you imagine what it's like for him watching rich white boys like you just collecting paycheck after paycheck, while he wallows in the filth of his tiny house?
Kenny McKormick The fuck?

Eric Cartman Butters, Kenny deserves a chance to be able to work like you do. Please, give him that chance.
Butters Stotch: Ugh, I just give a bit of my paycheck every week to you guys?
Eric Cartman And we pay you back as soon as we make our first dollar, Butters. You have my word on it.

Eric Cartman This is going to be the best restaurant in Colorado, Kenny. And I know exactly what we should name it...

Butters Stotch: Are you guys just playing around?
Eric Cartman No, we are renovating and opening an amazing restaurant that will be extremely profitable.
Butters Stotch: Then why did you name it DikinBaus?
Eric Cartman Butters, you are the investor. We are the creatives.
Butters Stotch: Well, stop being creative and open the goddamn restaurant so I can get my money back! So stop dicking around and wasting my money.
Eric Cartman Butters, at DikinBaus, dicking around is all we do, dicking around the competition.

Eric Cartman All right, everyone, it's looking good but we have a ways to go. I don't know about you, but I am exhausted. I think we should just all take the rest of the day off because it is wet's not work to hard Wednesdays.

Eric Cartman That's it, I give up. It's impossible to open any kind of business these days when this generation doesn't know how to work.

Eric Cartman Oh, great. Now the bank is here. Scrooge McButters to collect on his money.
Butters Stotch: You haven't made any money.
Eric Cartman Butters, the truth is, we tried. The fact of the matter is, the US government failed this generation by shutting down businesses in the pandemic. And now they don't know how to go back. I'm sorry, but we lost all your money. But there is a good side to this because as you can see, I now have a house that has slides, and games, and a mermaid grotto. And you can come and hang out all you want.
Butters Stotch: GOSH DANG IT!

Eric Cartman You guys, it's working. We're doing it!

Eric Cartman I don't want to be here. I want to be in DikinBaus! DikinBaus is awesome. This place sucks. I want... I want... DikinBaus! I want my DikinBaus!

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