Turd Burglars

South Park 23×8

— It's one for the ladies!

Kyle Broflovski: Ike, if mom lives... we can't let anyone ever know about this.

Sheila Broflovski: Fecal transplant!

Narrator: If you're watching this video, then your mom probably had a fecal transplant. And the one question on your mind is most likely, "How do I keep my friends from ripping on me?"

Narrator: Small organisms are everywhere. Now, scratch your balls... Go on... If you don't have balls, scratch whatever else might be down there... Now smell your fingers... That smell is millions of living organisms that you've just scraped from your crotch and are now going up inside your nostrils... your microbiome.
Kyle Broflovski: Ewwwww!

Narrator: .... In fact, of all the cells in your body only half are human cells. The other half are all microscopic organisms!
Kyle Broflovski: Aaaaaaah!

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Eric Cartman: You are not stealing my mom's shit!
Kyle Broflovski: Kyle, this is the world we are living in, okay? People are finding new and exciting ways to get healthy, and who are we to stand in their way?

Kyle Broflovski: But where does it stop?! Then are people just gonna start wanting skinny people's microbiomes to be skinny or an athletes' microbiome to feel athletic and young again?

Kyle Broflovski: Microbiome... Inside me... They are inside me. Are they a part of me? When I eat, they eat. When I die, they consume me and continue to live. Am I just an Airbnb in Santa Clarita? They're not a part of me. They are me.

Eric Cartman: Well, if Mr. Brady could just, you know, have Kenny stay over at his house for a night. Kind of like a Michael Jackson kind of thing...

Tom Brady: If you people want a healthy microbiome, then proper diet and healthy choices, alright? That's it. You are all being ridiculous.

Tom Brady: You'd all do the same thing if people were always trying to steal your shit.

Kyle Broflovski: I didn't know. My microbiome did. All along, they were trying to tell me something. I've really learned that I'm not just me. I'm also all the creatures inside of me. From now on, I'm gonna trust my gut a little more.

Doctor: Well, I think we've all learned something. "One for the Ladies" is one too many for the ladies.

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