Basic Cable

South Park 23×9

Eric Cartman: No, Scott, If you and Sophie have a baby, it'll have super diabetes. I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure that causes a crater on the Earth.

Jimmy Valmer: That girl is pretty fly. As soon as she said she watches "Mandalorian," it gave me a little boner.

Scott Malkinson Sr.: Oh! You want quantity over quality?! Streaming services are destroying our town! People don't watch and bond over the same shows anymore. Everyone watches something different. 'Cause you got assholes in Hollywood making little niche programs for everybody. That's what you want?!

Scott Malkinson: So... What's your favorite food that you can't eat? Mine's waffles.

Scott Malkinson Sr.: Look! 240 channels of anything we want to watch. No accounts. No **** passwords. Just pure, simple, basic cable.

Scott Malkinson Sr.: Not now, Scott. Your mom and I are enjoying watching whatever we want and not signing up for anything.

Scott Malkinson Sr.: Streaming services are destroying our culture, Scott! People got a thousand shows at their fingertips 24/7, so now Hollywood has to make shows within their shows to make more shows!

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Eric Cartman: Do you know what love is, Scott?! I'll tell you one thing... it's not the happy ending that Disney movies promised us. There's just frustration and anger and pain. Relationships are diabetes times 10.

Eric Cartman: Fine. I'll tell you how to get Disney+. But when you feel like killing yourself in two years, don't do it in front of me.

Eric Cartman: Uh-oh. Looks like you got some pie on your face, Scott.

Sophie Gray: I'm not anyone's girlfriend. I just **** moved here, you guys. Can I have time to unpack the shit in my room?
Scott Malkinson: But Sophie, you're totally my type... type one diabetes.

Sophie Gray: I don't think you're any weirder or grosser than any of the other boys in this town.
Scott Malkinson: Wow. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

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