Señor Clean

The Last Man on Earth 4×12

Tandy: ...Uh, the gun must have just discharged early.
GaiL: Your gun discharged early?
Tandy: Gail, this is not the time for a hurtful sexual joke. We're talking about a man's life here.

Tandy: ...when I turned around, he was majorly dead. You know, lower body still relatively intact. Upper body just went full Houdini on me, though. You know, just disappeared. Not there anymore.

Tandy: We're gathered here today to lay rest to most of Karl...

Tandy: Karl, we send you our thoughts and prayers as you hurtle, screaming, on your terrifying journey to Hell.

Lucifer, it's me again. Please take care of our Karl. He was a gentle killer who, uh, tried very hard not to eat his friends. Upside-down amen.

Carol: Um... Karl, in case you need a snack on your unholy journey, I collected some of Tandy's dandruff and foot skin flakes. I sprinkle them over you now.

Tandy: Wouldn't you know it, on every single card, it just says, "Hey, you guys are the heroes. I'm just a mirror reflecting your heroism."

Carol: You keep this up, Gail's gonna go from being your mother-in-law to a mother-in-awe.

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Tandy: This is about me being the best Tandy I can be for no other reason than it just feels really good.

Tandy: We all would have done the same thing. It's no big deal.
Gail: Wait. Did you just say "no big deal" instead of saying "NBD" or "nizzle bizzle dizzy"?

Melissa: There was blood and guts everywhere. Really gross. You would have loved it.

Tandy: The dip you once knew is married. To your daughter! And there's not gonna be any funny business between us 'cause I haven't wanted to see you naked for a long time, and dreams don't count, okay? You can't control those, and I will not be held responsible for... them, okay?

Tandy: I called you G Spot when all along, I was staring right at a b-hole.

Melissa: I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I've come to a decision. I want you to have a baby... You are always gonna want to have kids, and I never will, so, if we're gonna get past this, I'm going to have to compromise.

Melissa: I'm just gonna be the wife of a guy who has a kid. I mean, like you said earlier, I don't want to be the mom. I just want to be the aunt.

Todd: Okay, well, I... I'm-I'm confused. I mean, there's a... serious biological impediment here, you know?

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