& Jason Kelly: Being a corporate lawyer, it’s got its upsides.
Dick Kelly: You know what I’d rather do?.. I’d rather let Queen Latifah shit in my mouth from a fucking hot air balloon.
& — How long have you been teaching golf?
Dick: Ever since I retired from being an astronaut.
& Dick: What are you, fucking vagina repellent? Those cougars wanted to party!
& Jason: Grandma’s funeral was yesterday! Now you wanna hit on college girls? You’re jerking off to porn?
Dick: Jason, I want to fuck!
Jason: What’s wrong with you? Oh, my God...
Dick: For the first time in 40 years I’m single and I want to fuck. I want to fuck until my dick falls off.
& Dick: I was faithful to your grandmother every day for 40 years, even through the menopause, even through the cancer. She was the love of my life. I’ll miss her every goddamn day. But she told me on her deathbed, «You get back out there again.» I haven’t had sex in 15 years, Jason, and I want to fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
& Jason: You wanted me to drive you down to Boca so I could be your fucking wingman?
Dick: Obviously I made a bad decision because you’re nothing but a cock-blocking machine. I don’t know what you are. You’re like the Israeli Iron Dome defense system, but with vaginas instead of missiles. You’re like some sort of Cock-blocking Terminator sent back from the future to cock-block humans. The robots should have sent you instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger, you could have cock-blocked John Connor’s parents and he would never have been born!
& Dick: Don’t panic. It’s organic.
& Dick: Ain’t nobody got time for that.
& Dick: Sometimes life is just a fart zone, and you enter at your own risk.
Jason: ... Have you been reading shit off the shot glasses and the shirts in here and just saying it like it’s wisdom?
& Dick: So it comes to this. Even before you die... you just stop living, and it’s all one fucked-up facsimile of the real thing.
& Dick: First of all, nobody wears a fucking white belt. The only people who wear white belts are people who suck at karate and people who suck at life... And you better lose that fucking white polo shirt and those pleated khaki pants. You’re meeting up with girls, not blowing an oil executive on a fucking golf course.
& Dick: Sometimes you just gotta take that punch up front, you know? Then things get easier in the long run.
& Dick: What’s with the N-word, anyway? I can say it. I can’t say it...
Tyrone: You can say it when we let you say it.
Jason: Which is never. Just never say that under any circumstances.
& Lenore: I’m totally gonna fuck him tonight.
Cody: Can I watch? ’Cause I kind of want to fuck him too now.
& Dick: The greatest gift a grandson can give his grandfather is a hot college girl who wants to have unprotected sex with him before he dies.
& Dick: Well... when you get married, it’s for a long fucking time. And it’s hard. So it damn well better be with a woman who keeps things interesting.
& Dick: Just chill, Jason. Hakuna matata.
& Dick: It’s actually the guy on the moped with the iPad. NSA stopped using utility vans years ago.
& Dick: «De Oppresso Liber.» Motto of the Green Berets. It means «to liberate the oppressed.»
--
+ quotes on the IMDb
Σ nostradamvs: "Когда-то Де Ниро был знаком качества. А теперь он снимается вот в этом низкопробном дерьме, играя типовую роль бойкого старичка..... Это полтора часа плохих шуточек про член."
Dick Kelly: You know what I’d rather do?.. I’d rather let Queen Latifah shit in my mouth from a fucking hot air balloon.
& — How long have you been teaching golf?
Dick: Ever since I retired from being an astronaut.
& Dick: What are you, fucking vagina repellent? Those cougars wanted to party!
& Jason: Grandma’s funeral was yesterday! Now you wanna hit on college girls? You’re jerking off to porn?
Dick: Jason, I want to fuck!
Jason: What’s wrong with you? Oh, my God...
Dick: For the first time in 40 years I’m single and I want to fuck. I want to fuck until my dick falls off.
& Dick: I was faithful to your grandmother every day for 40 years, even through the menopause, even through the cancer. She was the love of my life. I’ll miss her every goddamn day. But she told me on her deathbed, «You get back out there again.» I haven’t had sex in 15 years, Jason, and I want to fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
& Jason: You wanted me to drive you down to Boca so I could be your fucking wingman?
Dick: Obviously I made a bad decision because you’re nothing but a cock-blocking machine. I don’t know what you are. You’re like the Israeli Iron Dome defense system, but with vaginas instead of missiles. You’re like some sort of Cock-blocking Terminator sent back from the future to cock-block humans. The robots should have sent you instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger, you could have cock-blocked John Connor’s parents and he would never have been born!
& Dick: Don’t panic. It’s organic.
& Dick: Ain’t nobody got time for that.
& Dick: Sometimes life is just a fart zone, and you enter at your own risk.
Jason: ... Have you been reading shit off the shot glasses and the shirts in here and just saying it like it’s wisdom?
& Dick: So it comes to this. Even before you die... you just stop living, and it’s all one fucked-up facsimile of the real thing.
& Dick: First of all, nobody wears a fucking white belt. The only people who wear white belts are people who suck at karate and people who suck at life... And you better lose that fucking white polo shirt and those pleated khaki pants. You’re meeting up with girls, not blowing an oil executive on a fucking golf course.
& Dick: Sometimes you just gotta take that punch up front, you know? Then things get easier in the long run.
& Dick: What’s with the N-word, anyway? I can say it. I can’t say it...
Tyrone: You can say it when we let you say it.
Jason: Which is never. Just never say that under any circumstances.
& Lenore: I’m totally gonna fuck him tonight.
Cody: Can I watch? ’Cause I kind of want to fuck him too now.
& Dick: The greatest gift a grandson can give his grandfather is a hot college girl who wants to have unprotected sex with him before he dies.
& Dick: Well... when you get married, it’s for a long fucking time. And it’s hard. So it damn well better be with a woman who keeps things interesting.
& Dick: Just chill, Jason. Hakuna matata.
& Dick: It’s actually the guy on the moped with the iPad. NSA stopped using utility vans years ago.
& Dick: «De Oppresso Liber.» Motto of the Green Berets. It means «to liberate the oppressed.»
--
+ quotes on the IMDb
Σ nostradamvs: "Когда-то Де Ниро был знаком качества. А теперь он снимается вот в этом низкопробном дерьме, играя типовую роль бойкого старичка..... Это полтора часа плохих шуточек про член."
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