Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer

Two and a Half Men 11×9

& Alan: Wow, that girl is gorgeous.
    Walden: Yeah, she’s a model. We don’t really have a connection. She’s not very bright. I think she thinks Silicon Valley is the place where women go to get a boob job.

& Jenny: ...in shop class, I made a train whistle. Weed, weed. ...
    Alan: One summer, back in high school, he and his friends got into bird watching. They’d spend all day out in the woods and they’d... They’d come back laughing and... Oh, God, I’m an idiot.
    Jenny: Don’t worry. All parents are idiots. My mom used to think I was locked in the bathroom all day with an electric toothbrush.
    Alan: My first wife was always using her electric tooth... God, I am an idiot!

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& Jenny: Now, that’s what I call breast-feeding.

& Paula: You see, for the first 40 years of my life, I was a man named Paul.
    Alan: Wow. You don’t look... 40.

& Paula: Alan, I am as much a woman as you’ve ever dated. But if you’re not okay with this...
    Alan: No, no, no, you know what? I am not gonna let one little thing come between us.
    Paula: Oh, it wasn’t little.
    Alan: Paula, bit of relationship advice? No guy likes to hear that his girlfriend had a bigger penis than he does.

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+ quotes on the IMDb