Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.

Two and a Half Men 11×8

& Jenny: Ooh, Cap’n Crunch. He’s the only man I put in my mouth.
    Walden: Puts my relationship with Orville Redenbacher in a different light.
    Berta: I’m partial to the UPS guy.
    Walden: We’re making food jokes here.
    Jenny: The UPS guy is not food.
    Berta: He is, if you cover him with whipped cream.

& Walden: What kind of world are we living in, where a guy is upset with another guy for banging his girlfriend?
    Jenny: You see, that’s why I love being gay. A guy finds out I’m doing his girlfriend, I don’t get an angry phone call. I get a dozen roses and a copy of the video.

& Alan: You know, there could also be another explanation. I mean, maybe she’s just lost and she’s asking him for directions...
    Larry: Right. «Excuse me, sir, can you help me find my G-spot?»

& Walden: Why didn’t you tell him the truth?
    Alan: Fear, cowardice. Lack of a dental plan.

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& Rose: Look, when your sink is clogged, you call a plumber. When your car breaks down, you call a mechanic. When you have a dangerous psychopath after you, you call me.

& Walden: This is the best room you got?
    Arthur: It’s the presidential suite.
    Walden: President of what? Crap-o-Slovakia?

& Walden: God, Alan was supposed to take care of this.
    Rose: He also told you he was only gonna live at your house for a few days. Here we are, day eight hundred and...
    Walden: Forty-three.

& Rose: I got us some candy bars. Mounds for you. Because it’s your favorite.
    Walden: Oh!
    Rose: Almond Joy for me. Because, you know, nuts!

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