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Modern Family 5×22

& Claire: That is your father’s answering machine from college.
    Alex: God, I sometimes forget how old you guys are.

& Gloria: Why do you torture him like this?
    Jay: ’Cause he’s too stuck in his ways, Gloria. This is good for him. He’ll taste the pickle, he’ll find that he likes it, he’ll try more things. This is good parenting.
    Manny: This is not going to play well in my memoir.

& Jay: I wasn’t that thrilled when Claire got married, either.
    Mitchell: «Either»?! For God’s sake, just stop talking.
    Jay: I don’t think I’m out of line suggesting my friends don’t want to see a father-son dance at a big gay wedding.
    Mitchell: There is no father-son dance, dad.
    Jay: I don’t know what things go on there. Do I walk you down the aisle? Does someone throw a bouquet?

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& Jay: I mean, I’m just saying, I don’t know how this stuff plays out with my guys from the club.
    Mitchell: Oh, you mean the guys who sit around the locker room watching football naked?

& Mitchell: This isn’t about them. This is about you. You are the one that’s uncomfortable here.
    Jay: Fine. I admit it. This whole wedding thing is weird to me. Now, see, why do you get to be you, but I don’t get to be me? See, I didn’t choose to be uncomfortable. I was born this way.
    Mitchell: Are you really throwing a gay anthem in our face right now?

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