This Unblessed Biscuit

Two and a Half Men 11×3

& Alan: Okay, so, one final question. Do you want your mug to be left-handed or right-handed?
    Walden: .....You’re kidding, right?
    Alan: No, some people hold them in their left hand. Some people hold them in their right hand.

& Walden: Hey, nap time’s over.
    Berta: I’m not napping. I threw my back out.
    Walden: My God, are you okay? What happened?
    Berta: It seized up, when I was climbing into your bed to take a nap.

& Walden: Why do these have windows? I don’t need to see inside. I trust them to wash and dry the clothes... You know when you think about it, a lot of appliances have windows. Ovens, microwaves. Wait a minute, are we watching them or are they watching us?

& Alan: Got a little contact high in there with Berta, did you?
    Walden: Shh! Not in front of the washer.

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& Walden: Hey, how old do you think Berta is, anyway?
    Alan: I don’t even know her last name.

& Walden: Why in the world do you wear boys’ husky underwear?
    Alan: You know how some people trim hedges to make the tree look bigger?
    Walden: ????
    Alan: Well, I say, stuff the tree in a smaller yard.
    Walden: Well, when the police raid the house and find a drawer of boys’ underwear, that’s not gonna be good for any of us.

& Berta: It’s settled then. I quit.
    Walden: Oh, no! Where am I gonna find someone to eat my food, smoke my pot and sleep in my bed?

& Walden: It is really good stuff.
    Berta: That’s the stuff I give my grandkids at Christmas... It’s funny because I get it from a guy named Jesus.

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