Nangnangnangnang

Two and a Half Men 11×1

& Alan: I’m the big picture guy. See, bringing Henry on to Team Schmidt...
    Walden: Whoa, whoa, whoa. «Team Schmidt»?
    Alan: Yeah, I’m gonna get hats and shirts made. Well, Henry is. We’re gonna have a new slogan. «No bull-Schmidt...» «Schmidt happens...» You’re a Schmidt-head!

& Jenny: You Alan Harper?
    Alan: Yes, I am. And you are-?
    Jenny: Your niece.
    Alan: Eurniece? That’s a pretty name. Is that Dutch?

& Alan: I’m sorry, did you say that you’re Charlie’s daughter?
    Jenny: Yeah. Listen, I got a wicked hangover. You got any aspirin, ibuprofen, rum, Scotch, tequila, vodka?
    Alan: Uh... Yeah, yeah, come on in.

& Jenny: According to my mom, it was love at first sight. They met in a bar, they got drunk and had sex in the bathroom. It was like a freaking Disney movie. Poke-a-hot-ass.

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& Jenny: So, this your and Alan’s room?
    Walden: What? No! No, no, no. We’re not... I’m not... The... Really? You really don’t think I can do better than Alan?
    Jenny: I don’t know. Maybe he’s got a huge schlong.
    Walden: Well, we’re not a couple and he doesn’t. Which is fine. I mean, not that size matters. Not that I was looking. I’m not gay.
    Jenny: So, why is he still living here?
    Walden: Well, at first... Then... I don’t know.

& Jenny: All that’s missing is my dad.
    Alan: Actually, he’s here, too. Follow me.
    Jenny: Where are we going?
    Alan: Well, you know how sailors get buried at sea?.. I keep Charlie in the liquor cabinet. Let’s see. Johnnie Walker, Jack Daniels, Charlie Harper.
    Jenny: Huh. He looks different than his pictures.

& Berta: God, I loved your dad. I remember the first time I met him... He asked me if I knew how to do three things: Cook, clean and score an eight ball at 2:30 in the morning. I told him I didn’t know how to cook or clean. I’ve been here ever since.

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