The Tangible Affection Proof

The Big Bang Theory 6×16

& Leonard: This time it’s going to be different. Because I am like a romance ninja. You don’t see it coming, and then bam! Romance, watch out, hearts, kisses, love, ooh-ya!!

& Sheldon: I believe the painful sensation felt after passing a meal of spicy chilies is proof that the rectum does possess the sense of taste.
    Amy: I concur, but you changed the subject. What are we doing for Valentine’s Day?

& Raj: The theme will be that the greatest love a man can have is the love he has with himself.

& Sheldon: Let’s see. This is... This is about $2,000. Um, I think she likes monkeys and the color gray.

& Leonard: What you looking at?
    Howard: Well, I was trying to come up with something really romantic to give Bernadette for Valentine’s Day since she’s been such a pain in the ass.

& Howard: Check it out. I used the atomic force microscope in the material science lab and wrote our initials in a heart 1/1,000 the size of a grain of sand.
    Leonard: Oh, that’s cool!
    Howard: A micro-valentine for a microbiologist.
    Leonard: From her micro-husband.

& Sheldon: My socks are on. Let’s knock them off!

& Bernadette: He just kept on playing that stupid game. You like pushing buttons so much, try pushing them on the washing machine.
    Howard: I said I’m sorry.
    Bernadette: Sorry doesn’t clean my underpants, buddy.
    Howard: I told you, turn them inside out!
    Bernadette: And I told you to bite me!
    Leonard: Trying to have a magical night here, guys...

& Raj: You know, you and I have so much fun hanging out. If you were a girl, all our problems would be solved.
    Stuart: ......... What?

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& Penny: I told you, Valentine’s Day sucks.
    Leonard: This one does, and you’re the reason why!
    Penny: What?!
    Bernadette: You know, compared to them, I’m feeling pretty good about us.
    Howard: Me, too. How about we blow off dessert, go home early... I’ll do that laundry.
    Bernadette: Thank you. I love you.
    Howard: Love you, too... So where’d you hide it?
    Bernadette: Where you’d never look...
    Howard: Damn it, it’s in the washing machine!

& Amy: Hello.
    Sheldon: Hello.
    Amy: Happy Valentine’s Day.
    Sheldon: Okay.

& Amy: As you know, I had planned a traditional evening of romance and gifts.
    Sheldon: Yes, and as you know, I planned to pretend to enjoy it.

& Amy: I decided I was being selfish. So, I canceled our dinner reservations and came up with an even better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day.
    Sheldon: What is that?
    Amy: By doing none of it... no dinner, no romance, no gifts.

& Sheldon: Well... I don’t know what to say. This is the most thoughtful gift that anyone’s ever given me. And that’s including an amazing gift that I gave myself earlier today.

& Sheldon: After everything you didn’t do for me tonight, I want you to have it.
    Amy: What’s this?
    Sheldon: Read it.
    Amy: “Sheldon Cooper, Caltech University employee information”?..
    Sheldon: At the bottom.
    Amy: “In case of emergency, please contact... Amy Farrah Fowler.” And there’s my phone number! This is the most beautiful gift you could’ve ever given me.
    Sheldon: Well, I thought, if I have a stroke or a kidney stone, who would I want to share that with?

& Sheldon: Stop ruining Valentine’s Day and order my pizza!

& Leonard: Why couldn’t we just have a nice time?
    Penny: I don’t know... Maybe ’cause things are going so well between us lately and I’ve been really happy.
    Leonard: ........ Okay, you’re gonna have to make a lot more sense than that.

& Penny: This might be the wine talking, but I have a very important question to ask you...
    Leonard: You do?
    Penny: Leonard Hofstadter...
    Leonard: Y-Yes?
    Penny: ...will you be my valentine?
    Leonard: Sorry. Maybe next year........ I’m just kidding! Romance ninja. Let’s have sex! Wah!

& Raj: Later, losers!

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On the IMDb