The Mooch at the Boo

Two and a Half Men 6×9

& Charlie: Just so we’re clear, my car is cherry, so if you bang it, ding it, dent it, or even change the ass-print in the seat, just keep driving till you get to Mexico, then bury yourself in the desert.

& Alan: There’s something you don’t know about me...
    Diane: You’re gay?
    Alan: No!
    Diane: You’re a cross-dresser?
    Alan: No!
    Diane: ’Cause, you know, I could really get into that...
    Alan: Yes! I’m a big, ol’ cross-dresser!

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& Charlie: Okay, here’s the deal. Jake is harmless.You don’t have a thing to worry about, unless your daughter’s made out of doughnuts. Which I’m assuming she’s not.

& Evelyn: Why am I not surprised?.. Did it have to be my red chiffon?

& Jerome: I don’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to her, Charlie. I’d go crazy. I’d go crazy just thinking about it.
    Charlie: Well, then, for God’s sake, don’t think about it.

& Charlie: Listen, Jake. I’m real proud that you stepped up and got a little action tonight, but I’ve got to ask you something...
    Jake: What?
    Charlie: Are you out of your freakin’ mind?!

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