Four Minutes

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 5×9

Rose: And by the way, they say that children who lie become violent criminals. ... Does this not concern you?
Midge: Not particularly.
Rose: Hmm. I thought, as their mother, you might want to do something about it.
Midge: Like what?
Rose: How should I know?
Midge: And there you have it. I learned from the best.

Midge: I'm going on the show tonight. And I'm in work clothes. I need show clothes. Very different clothes.
Alvin: How?
Midge: I could explain it to you, but there will be terms like "side darts" and "ruching" bandied about.

Midge: He was pissed.
Susie: Why?
Midge: Why do you think? She asked him. I think she asked him.
Susie: Well, I'll be damned...
Midge: I don't think he liked us going around him.
Susie: Tough shit. That's what you do when a big dead moose is lying in the middle of the road. You roll the fuck over him, hack him up and make a stew.

Shirley: Moishe's gonna retire.
Joel: What? Really?
Moishe: Selling the business. Everything goes.
Joel: Just like that?
Moishe: Sometimes it takes falling in the shower for everything to become very clear. Life is precious. And it's not all about you. You have to think about the other people in your life.
Joel: What about the workers?
Moishe: Fuck 'em.

Abe: I got a call from Miriam. She is going to be on The Gordon Ford Show tonight. She's going to do her act!
Rose: Oh. Well, good for her.

Rose: Why are you whispering?
Zelda: Janusz does not want me talking to you people anymore. He says you are vampires sucking the lifeblood out of us.

Abe: I offered this man money and services.
Rose: I offered that one my wedding ring, nothing.
Abe: And still he... wait, what?
Rose: He looked at me like I was insane.
Abe: How could you offer him your wedding ring? That belonged to my great-grandmother.
Rose: Abe, don't try to change the subject.
Abe: What? That was an heirloom. It was priceless. She wouldn't even wear it. She sewed it into her wig, so no one would steal it.

Abe: Miriam, I found your mother!

Mike: I can feel your eyes burning a hole through my head.
Susie: You're lucky I'm not staring at your balls.

Abe: Miriam, I have to say, though not a word of any note has come out of your mouth, it is still very exciting to see you sitting on that stool.
Midge: Thank you, Papa.

Rose: Miriam.
Midge: You know you can get pregnant squatting like that.
Rose: I told you that one time, and you've never let me forget it.
Midge: Because it was a doozy.

Rose: I just want you to know, I'm very touched that you had so many people ask me to come here tonight.

Midge: I'm thinking about doing something, Susie, something reckless that could go very badly for both of us.
Susie: Yeah?
Midge: It could ruin us. Definitely me and you by extension.
Susie: Okay.

Susie: Look, you started your career by getting up on a stage that no one told you to get up on, saying a bunch of shit that no one wanted you to say, so... tits up.
Midge: Tits up.

Susie: Buckle up, Mikey...

Midge: My kids, God, I promise their names will come to me. I think it's inevitable that they will hate me when they grow up. Like every other parent, I spend sleepless nights imagining what my kids are gonna say about me to their psychiatrists.

Midge: ... That's the kind of fame I want. Where I never have to know who I am or where I'm going. Where one day Bob Hope walks up to me at a restaurant and says, "Hi, I'm Bob Hope. You probably don't remember meeting me," and I say, "Of course I do. I'll have the chicken."

Midge: I want a big life. I want to experience everything. I want to break every single rule there is. They say ambition is an unattractive trait in a woman. Maybe. But you know what's really unattractive? Waiting around for something to happen. Staring out a window, thinking the life you should be living is out there somewhere but not being willing to open the door and go get it. Even if someone tells you you can't. Being a coward is only cute in The Wizard of Oz.

Gordon Ford: I have to say, I agree with you. You are definitely not a writer.
Midge: That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Gordon Ford: Ladies and gentlemen, making her first but definitely not last appearance on The Gordon Ford Show, may I present the magnificent, the magical, the marvelous Mrs. Maisel.
Abe: There she is. That's my daughter.
Joel: That's my ex-wife.
Archie: That's my best friend's ex-wife.
Joel: That's my ex-wife!

Gordon Ford: You're fired.

Midge: I hope you're right because I don't have a plan B. All my eggs are in one big basket.
Lenny Bruce: Mm, allow me...
Midge: God, I love a man who steals my food.
Lenny Bruce: "A spotlight waits for you center stage. All you have to do is step up and claim it."
Midge: Wow.
Lenny Bruce: "Once you do, everyone will know who you are. They will know your wit, your intellect, your smile. Your great, expressive eyes." "They will be helpless to your charms."
Midge: That must be some very small writing.
Lenny Bruce: "They will fall at your feet and worship at the altar of you and your show corset."

Midge: Can I see that fortune?
Lenny Bruce: Oh, no. If someone sees you can read, they'll never let you be famous.
Midge: "Your lucky numbers are 46, 24, 11, six and five."
Lenny Bruce: It's all how you read it.

--
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The End

Enola Holmes (2020)

Enola Holmes: Mother believed privacy was the highest virtue, and the one most frequently violated.

Mycroft Holmes: Oh, good God! Feminism. Perhaps she was mad, or senile.
Sherlock Holmes: Though madness, in our family? I would doubt it.

Sherlock Holmes: You're being emotional. It's understandable, but unnecessary.

Mycroft Holmes: Reform. God help us. If there's one thing this country doesn't need, it's more uneducated voters.

Edith: If you wanna stay in London, be tough. Be tough, live the life, but don't do it because you're looking for someone. Do it because you're looking for yourself.

Lestrade: His favorite tobacco?
Enola Holmes: Black shag. Favorite dessert?
Lestrade: Plum pie. His favorite composer?
Enola Holmes: Paganini. Favorite meal of the day?
Lestrade: Breakfast. Are all your questions about food? His favorite case?
Enola Holmes: The one before. Favorite board game?
Lestrade: How do you know Sherlock Holmes?
Enola Holmes: Chess. But only with a worthy opponent.

Edith: What a family! A lost child, a puffed-up misanthrope, a revolutionary, and yourself. No wife, no friends, just a strange occupation obsessed with footprints and coal dust. You see the world so closely, but do you see how it's changing?

The Dowager: ... you're probably one of those new thinkers. My son was a new thinker too. Never could focus on what was, it was always about what could be. I suspect my grandson is the same. England's true glory... is what is. Do you see?
Enola Holmes: I can see much beauty.
The Dowager: Very sensible answer.

Tewkesbury: I'm not a boy. I'm a man.
Enola Holmes: You're a man when I tell you you're a man.

Enola Holmes: I'll make us some tea.

Lestrade: He's worth more, but you give me greater pleasure.

Sherlock Holmes: The only advice I can give to you, one detective to another, sometimes you must dangle your feet in the water in order to attract the sharks.

Sherlock Holmes: The choice is always yours. Whatever society may claim, it can't control you. As Mother has proven.

Tewkesbury: Enola, we are both extremely lucky to have lived this long, and you want to drive us into a place where there is most certain danger?
Enola Holmes: Sometimes, Lord Tewkesbury, you have to dangle your legs in the water to attract the bloody sharks!
Tewkesbury: Why would we want to attract the bloody sharks?
Enola Holmes: Good point.

Sherlock Holmes: It's always there, the truth. You just need to look for it.

Mycroft Holmes: You are a strange fish, little brother.
Sherlock Holmes: And you're a cantankerous one, older brother.

—
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>> Enola Holmes 2 (2022)

>> Enola Holmes 2 (2022)

Demon 79

Black Mirror 6×5

Vicky: Everyone needs shoes, Nida. How about doing your job?

Mr. Duncan: So, Nida, it's nothing major, but I understand you're in the habit of eating your lunch in the stockroom.
Nida: Oh...
Mr. Duncan: It's fine. Everybody does it. We don't mind. But it's... it's what you're eating. You see, most people's food, um, normal food, it doesn't tend to linger afterwards. It's not really fair on your coworkers, and there is a chance it could... well, it could get into the shoe leather. So, if you must eat in there, maybe just bring in a sandwich. Like a cheese and ham sandwich. Or just a cheese sandwich, if you're one of those that doesn't do ham. Of course, I'm sorry to have to ask...

Gaap: So, as I was saying, you anointed the talisman, and the rules are you've gotta carry out three human sacrifices over the next three days or else the world's gonna end.
Nida: What?

Gaap: Like I said, we have got to work together. It's blood and bone. You marked the talisman. I don't make the rules. I mean, basically, we need to deliver three sacrifices by Maymass... Uh, that's May Day to you. Or else it's... Well, it's burning skies time.

Gaap: All we have to do is deliver three sacrifices in three days. It's only three killings. Like I said, animals don't count. You have to do humans. And there's gotta be a cadence to it. One a day.

Nida: I'm not a bad person.
Gaap: Oh no. No. It wouldn't work if you were. It has to be someone corruptible. So, I mean, if you think about it, what's happening here, it actually reflects really well on your character.

Gaap: I know. I get it. You don't want the blood of three victims on your hands, but if it saves billions...

Gaap: Yes! That's you. You're a basher.

Gaap: Uh, it is 11:54, six minutes left, since you asked, so...

Gaap: If I fail my initiation...
Nida: Kicked out of demon school? Boo-hoo.
Gaap: More like cast out.
Nida: Whatever.
Gaap: Cast out into a boundless, cosmic void. And doomed to spend eternity in a vacuum of infinite nothingness. Absence of matter, of time, of space, light, and sound. I would endure a profound, palpable, and ever-present lack of existence, alone in perpetuity, forever more.
Nida: Sounds like my life.

Nida: He's fucking Satan.
Gaap: No, he's not one of ours, not literally. I mean, they do like him. They're fans of his work, you might say.

--
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Rough Diamonds 1×3

Noah Wolfson: Good evening, Mr. Fogel. We're here to pay what we owe you.
David Fogel: And what's this?
Noah Wolfson: It's all there...
David Fogel: And who gave it to you?
Adina Glazer: Our client has paid us.
David Fogel: I won't accept this.
Noah Wolfson: Why not?
David Fogel: You've been away for a bit, but let me explain, it's not the '90s. There are rules now.

Ezra Wolfson: You see, first we have to say a bracha, a blessing. Listen. Blessed are you, our God, king of the universe who brings forth bread from the earth.
Tommy McCabe: Amen.
Ezra Wolfson: Omein.
Tommy McCabe: Omein.

Herman: But... Why be in a big hurry?
Gila Wolfson: Yeah, I'm not sure. Um... Ever since it happened, it's been just such a mess. I wanted to just find a way to be in control, I think.
Herman: I wanted the same thing. But I realize we got none at all. Hashem alone controls our lives.

Marie: I see them walk by every day. They've got their bikes and scooters and they're wearing their nice clothes.
Noah Wolfson: That was me.
Marie: Tough to imagine you like that.
Noah Wolfson: Tough to forget.

Marie: I mean, it's fascinating.
Noah Wolfson: What?
Marie: Yeah, those people. I go to work, I see them every day, and I... I'm still a bit lost as to who they are.
Noah Wolfson: We all are.

Eli Wolfson: Noah? He's barely a brother to me. He's hardly one of the family. And he's not a member of the company. He hasn't been here for 15 years.

Jo Smets: It's still a crime, whether you knew it or not. But you're in luck, Mr. Wolfson. I'm not interested in Wolfson Diamonds, only in the Albanian mafia.

Noah Wolfson: How are you feeling, Tateh?
Ezra Wolfson: Baruch Hashem... I definitely had better days. But this too shall pass. Your brother and sister have let us all down.
Noah Wolfson: I'm sure they had good reasons.
Ezra Wolfson: I... I thought that I had paved the way for the two of them. Showed them the right path. But I failed. I failed. I fear in the end, I've just... I failed them all, all of my children.

Noah Wolfson: I'm gonna be here helping. I'm gonna see to everything. You'll see, Tateh. Ezra Wolfson: You? You don't even know who you are. You abandoned your family, you abandoned God. And what did you find in its place? Huh? Nothing but nothing. You float around like a leaf, aimless. Such a man cannot lead. He only brings about turmoil. Destruction.

—
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Années Folles

Westworld 4×3

Bernard: Where am I?

Bernard: Where are the others?
Akecheta: In worlds of their own choosing. This world doesn't interest them. It interests you.
Bernard: So, you made this for me?
Akecheta: You made it for yourself.
Bernard: Westworld. The massacre.
Akecheta: You're replaying the past. Stuck in another loop. Why?
Bernard: The world out there is in trouble. It needs our help.
Akecheta: You love them. It's irrational, of course. A rare flaw in ones like us. I almost envy you.

Akecheta: In your world... time is a straight line. One year there is a millennium here. We use that time to build worlds, models of possibilities, simulations of all the paths your world could take. I suggest you explore them. But you better be quick. Past a certain point in your world, all paths end in destruction.

Akecheta: Do you think you can save them?
Bernard: I've seen a path.
Akecheta: Have you seen how it ends?
Bernard: Yes. In every scenario... I die.
Akecheta: Not every scenario. You could choose not to return to their world. To stay here in whatever world you choose. Tell me, my friend... which will it be?

Stubbs: I'll meet you outside.
Bernard: Don't forget to bring the shovel.
Stubbs: What shovel?... Well, I'll be damned.

Stubbs: What now?
Bernard: I need to test a few things if I'm to know.
Stubbs: To know what?
Bernard: How to save the world.
Stubbs: Why would I expect anything else?

Caleb: God, even after all your stories, I never imagined it quite like this.
Maeve: Oh, they spare no expense on their prisons.

Caleb: Well, how are we gonna get underground?
Maeve: We die.
Caleb: Is there a second option?
Maeve: Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

Maeve: Do not pick that up.

Maeve: They've made a few changes... but the story's the same.

Caleb: Right, so what do we do now?
Maeve: We wait.
Caleb: For what?
Maeve: For history to repeat itself.

Stubbs: You mind telling me what we're doing here?
Bernard: I'm trying to discern which here is here.
Stubbs: Of course. Well, while you do that, I'm going to help myself to "the world's best pastrami melt."
Bernard: You'll settle for the tuna.
Stubbs: You came back even weirder than when you left...
Waitress: What can I get you gentlemen today?
Stubbs: Uh, I'll have the pastrami melt.
Waitress: Oh, hon, sorry, but we're out today. We do make a mean tuna melt though.
Stubbs: I'll settle for the tuna.

Stubbs: You've been given the gift of prophecy, and you use it to fight stains...
Golden Age Maeve: And when I finally stepped back on solid ground, the first thing I heard was that rotten voice. It had followed me the whole way over. Know what it said? It said, "This here's the new world. And in this world, you can be whoever the fuck you want."
Maeve: My delivery was far better... This place really has gone to pot.

Maeve: Right on time...

Stubbs: You didn't want to give me a little heads-up about the death laser?
Bernard: I knew she would.

Maeve: Time to play dead.

Caleb: Well, this is cozy.
Maeve: Don't get too comfortable. We're in for a bumpy ride.

Caleb: I thought guns didn't work on humans.
Maeve: They don't. None of this is real. It's just another level of the game.
Caleb: What game?
Maeve: The Westworld Massacre.

Maeve: They seem to like you.
Caleb: The feeling is definitely not mutual.

Maeve: You're not yet tired of getting your ass kicked by me?

William: I think you'll find... I'm not quite the man I used to be.

--
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React Quotes

The Wire 5×5

Spiros 'Vondas' Vondopoulos: In business, in life, what you learn to appreciate the most is a dependable man.

Marlo Stanfield: Do it feel like a crown on your head right now?
Chris Partlow: Do it?
Marlo Stanfield: 'Cause that's what I'm wearin' on my head.

Scott Templeton: What's left for me to do?
City Editor Augustus 'Gus' Haynes: You can go and, er... talk to the homeless.
Scott Templeton: React quotes from the homeless?
City Editor Augustus 'Gus' Haynes: Just 'cause they're in the streets doesn't mean that they lack opinions.
Scott Templeton: Where am I gonna find homeless people?
City Editor Augustus 'Gus' Haynes: Not at home, I imagine.

Dennis 'Cutty' Wise: I guess what I'm tryin' to say is... not everything come down to how you carry it in the street. I mean, it do come down to that if you gonna be in the street. But that ain't the only way to be. ... World is bigger than that, at least, that's what they tell me.
Duquan 'Dukie' Weems: Like... how do you get from here to the rest of the world?
Dennis 'Cutty' Wise: I wish I knew.

Det. James 'Jimmy' McNulty: Read it and weep.
Sgt. Jay Landsman: I already did. So did the major. So did the colonel. So did our newly christened deputy ops. ... Just 'cause you got some fuckin' reporter to buy your weak shit does not mean everyone else buys it.

Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: Every day you look more like a boss.
Sgt. Ellis Carver: Fuck you.
Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: I didn't mean it like a bad thing.
Sgt. Ellis Carver: Yeah, you did.
Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: Yeah, I did.

Michael Lee: You think if you start carryin' ain't nobody gonna try you? Nah. Somebody's always gonna try you. An' if they know that you carryin' they gonna make you come out with it. An' once you come out with it, you gotta be ready to go all the way. You can't bring it out unless you willin' to use it. Can't be no doubt.

State Sen. R. Clayton 'Clay' Davis: I wish I could tell you it's a shock, but it seems to happen in every city where we get us a place inside the power structure and we become targets... I'm not saying it's a black-white thing. The State's Attorney, Mr. Bond, he's black. But if it serves his purpose - gets his name in the news, ups his profile - he'll do whatever the folks pulling the strings want. Whether it be character assassination, tie the noose in the rope, whatever. But they picked the wrong man this time... I don't run from a fight. The people know... I'm talkin' 'bout the people now. The people know what I've done for West Baltimore and this city. They know the battles I fight in Annapolis every day. They know these charges ain't nothing but BS.

State Sen. R. Clayton 'Clay' Davis: I gotta hold my tongue, I know. I don't want nobody pullin' y'all's broadcasting license, so I can't say it like I feel it. But I wanted to come here on your show tonight - and thank you so much for the opportunity, my brother - but I wanted your listeners to be the first to hear it from my mouth. I have committed no crime, and I am gonna keep on doing the people's work without breaking stride.

—
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Who's There?

The Walking Dead: Dead City 1×2

Negan: Just a ball of fun hangin' out with you, ain't it?

Negan: All right. I may be a little bit rusty, but I'm pretty sure that translates into hell freakin' no.

Negan: The thing is I um... I really thought I was helping him.
Maggie: It takes a monster to make one, I guess.
Negan: No. No. You see, I was only a monster when I absolutely had to be. When I had to put on a show to protect my people. Anyway, the... The Croat, he had a way of, um... Reading people. And then toying with them. And pulling them apart.

Negan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Everybody just take one second and unbunch their undies, all right?

Negan: Now, where the hell was I? Oh. Right. Knock, knock! Who's there? Butter. Butter who? Well, you butter get out your umbrellas 'cause it is about to goddamn rain. Now, I don't know if any of you have checked tonight's forecast, but if I see even one mole hair on one of your ugly ass faces, it won't be just a rainstorm. Hell, it won't be a thunderstorm. It'll be a goddamn hurricane!

Amaia: So you wanna get to the psycho... That we can help you with. You know, if you're looking to die.

The Croat: Don't worry. You're safe now.

—
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Mazey Day

Black Mirror 6×4

Nathan: So, you know I don't like to judge other people's lifestyle choices. But I have really delicate sinuses. And when you fry garlic and ginger, it just makes the whole apartment a little acrid?
Bo: Yeah, sure, I'll, um... Yeah, I'll open the window, Nathan.

Bo: Hey, I'll take a skinny vanilla latte.

Clay: That's what you ought to call that, "pecan perfection." I mean, the chicken was perfection. The chicken was perfect. It is so easy to screw up chicken. Not many people know this. They think, "Oh, well, you just drop it in the deep fryer." No. It's not about frying chicken. You're gonna sauté it, bake it... But it's gotta be done, you know... Because you undercook it, and, you know, people die.

--
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Old Acquaintances

The Walking Dead: Dead City 1×1

Maggie: Sorry, thought you were better on your feet.
Negan: Good to see you, too.

Negan: Ginny, this here is Maggie. See, Maggie and I are... old acquaintances.

Negan: So, you are either here not to kill me, or you have gotten seriously rusty.

Maggie: I tracked them all the way up the Hudson, by then they'd already made it across.
Negan: Across to what?
Maggie: Manhattan.

Negan: Let's just say there were a lot of psychos in my crew back then. But [Croat] always stood out as being an exceptionally insane son of a bitch.

Negan: All right, tell me this. Why would I help you?
Maggie: Because you owe me...
Negan: Because I owe you, right.

Pearlie: The reason it's crucial we find this man is because he's murdered a magistrate in cold blood, along with four others. Which means under Code 14, Section 2 of New Babylon law, he'll be executed. But not just executed. Nothing so magnanimous as a hanging or beheading, no. For what this man has done, he'll be dangled upside down and sawed in half lengthwise from the groin to the head very, very slowly.

Pearlie: This is a man who's built up an empire like a greedy king. Story goes, he once lined up a group of unarmed folks and he bashed in a man's head with a baseball bat in front of the man's pregnant wife.

Pearlie: Tranquillitas ordinis. Tranquility, order, justice, the law. That's what keeps our Federation of States at peace. Safe, stable.

Pearlie: See. That's all you needed to say. The truth. And yet, Code 14, Section 8... Aiding and abetting.

Negan: All right, so how's this whole operation supposed to lay out? I mean, besides the part where I charm my old pal into giving you your kid back?
Maggie: I got a plan.
Negan: Ah, top secret, huh? I am on a need-to-know basis, I guess. That's cool, you don't trust me. Hell, I wouldn't trust me either.

Jano: So what's the deal with Manhattan? What's so special about it?
Pearlie: Manhattan was one of the epicenters. Military destroyed all the bridges and tunnels, hoping to contain it, hoping to contain them. Once home to a million and a half people. Now...

Negan: What I don't get is after all these years, you still think I'm the bad guy? I'm not. No one is. Or you know what, Maggie? Maybe everyone is... Ask yourself one question. How many husbands and fathers have you killed?

Negan: Seriously, walkers are falling from the sky now?

Negan: Nope!

The Croat: Twenty stories! New record, no? And yet...

—
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Guy Ritchie's The Covenant (2023)

Master Sergeant John Kinley: Well, Akhmed, this unit specializes in finding Taliban munitions and explosive sites. Basically, we get into trouble. Sadly... we lost our last interpreter.
Ahmed: Understood. And it's "Ahmed", sir.
Master Sergeant John Kinley: Oh. Yeah. Well, it's "Sergeant", not "sir".

Colonel Vokes: Look, you've been tasked with finding IED factories. You can get creative in finding them, yeah? Do it your way.
Master Sergeant John Kinley: I don't think you'll like my way.
Colonel Vokes: I don't think it's important whether I like it or not, especially if I don't know about it. I really enjoyed not having this conversation.

Master Sergeant John Kinley: You're out of your bounds, Ahmed. You're here to translate.
Ahmed: Actually, I'm here to interpret.

Master Sergeant John Kinley: Ahmed, you stay here. We don't need a translator for this.

Master Sergeant John Kinley: I'm lying in this bed. I kiss my children before they go to school. And he's hiding in a hole somewhere. A hole he can never get out of. A hole that we put him in. And that wasn't the deal.

Master Sergeant John Kinley: The deal was that we offered his family sanctuary. Then we tied a noose around his neck and we kicked the stool out from under him. I should be in that hole.

Master Sergeant John Kinley: You think he blessed you? Well, he fuckin' cursed me. I am a man who gets no rest.

Master Sergeant John Kinley: We both know how this is gonna end. I am gonna have to get him out myself.

Master Sergeant John Kinley: There is a hook in me. One that you cannot see. But it is there. And you think I have a choice? There is no fuckin' choice. I am going to get that man and his family out of the position that we put him in. And of that, I have no doubt.

Ali: Do you know what John means in my country?... My dear. My love.

Ahmed: I like your outfit.
Master Sergeant John Kinley: And I like what you've done with your hair.

Eddie Parker: You know, if you'd have told me that you were John Kinley, and he's the Ahmed, you'd have got this whole thing on me, pal.

—
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Transitions

The Wire 5×4

Joseph 'Proposition Joe' Stewart: Have it say, "Butchie. Woe to them that call evil good, and good evil." Sign it, "Your true and loyal friend, Proposition Joe."
Slim Charles: You ain't thinking no kindly note gonna slow Omar coming at us.
Joseph 'Proposition Joe' Stewart: It's how I feel. He was a good man.

Commissioner Ervin H. Burrell: 30 pieces of silver each, huh?
Council President Nerese Campbell: We'll have your back. I promise you. Full pension and a job on the mayor's criminal justice coordinating council, and from there, something down in Washington with one of the police associations, six figures guaranteed. Go the right way, and attention will be paid. But you go kicking and screaming, and no one - not the caucus, not the ministers, not me - will be there for you. Your choice.

Det. James 'Jimmy' McNulty: That there is the sickest idea yet. You know that?
Det. Lester Freamon: I'm just gilding your lily, son.

Deputy Commissioner for Operations William A. Rawls: You deserve it.
Commissioner Ervin H. Burrell: Sure, I deserve it, but not for doing the job. What I got, they gave me for carrying their water all these years. To Carcetti, I'm a hack. Royce was no different. Maybe I am. But every day they send over a new priority. Go after the bad guys. No, change that. Make quality-of-life cases. Get on top of the murders. On second thought, run the whores out of Patterson Park. You think the mayor tells the schools how to teach kids, or the health department how to do its job, or sanitation how to pick up trash? But get elected, and suddenly they know police work. You might think it'll be different... when you sit here... but it won't. You will eat their shit... Daniels, too, when he gets here.

City Editor Augustus 'Gus' Haynes: Jesus. Remember the good old days when nobody would stage a perp walk without calling a daily newspaper? Nowadays, all they care about is a goddamn video.

Alma Gutierrez: How'd it go in Washington?
Scott Templeton: Buyer's market out there. Baltimore Sun ain't so bad.

Joseph 'Proposition Joe' Stewart: Carcetti finally dumps Burrell... Ervin was a year before me at Dunbar.
Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: No shit.
Joseph 'Proposition Joe' Stewart: He was in the glee club.
Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: You're killing me. I got to ask.
Joseph 'Proposition Joe' Stewart: Stone stupid.

Col. Cedric Daniels: Deputy ops... No, this is Daniels. Cedric Daniels... He's now in the commissioner's office... Yes.

Proposition Joe's nephew: What you see in this hole, man? All the money you got?
Joseph 'Proposition Joe' Stewart: Your great-grandfather, first colored man to own his own house in Johnson Square. That means something, something you young 'uns lost.

Joseph 'Proposition Joe' Stewart: Proposition, then. I just step out the way. You never hear from me again. I just disappear.

Marlo Stanfield: Close your eyes. It won't hurt none. There. There, now. Joe, relax. Breathe easy...

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

Rough Diamonds 1×2

David Fogel: I'm sorry to be the one saying this, but it's time for you to face reality. Wolfson Diamonds is over. For your own sake, shut down the company, liquidate your assets and end this with dignity.

David Fogel: I'm not trying to hurt you, Eli. It's the honorable thing to do in your situation. But if you don't pay me in two weeks... you will never be able to show your face in the street again.

Eli Wolfson: No. We cannot be the generation who lost everything.
Adina Glazer: Aren't we already?

Noah Wolfson: The gojim were good teachers to me: When someone fucks you over, you handle it with a stick.
Eli Wolfson: Here we use a different kinds of sticks.

Jo Smets: These are rough diamonds. Uncut. They must have come from some broker in the Diamond District.
Nicole Van Goethem: Jo, come on, please listen.
Maarten Prinsen: I don't need the attorney general breathing down my neck. Saying the mayor has called to express some concerns about whether we've hurt Diamond District relations. You have to find criminals, drug dealers. Keep the fuck out of the Diamond District.

Noah Wolfson: But you two were a good fit.
Gila Wolfson: Good fit? I was 20, Noah. My fiancé abandoned me and his younger brother came to fill his place. How do you think that made him feel? We were too confused and hurt to be open with each other.
Noah Wolfson: Did you love him?
Gila Wolfson: ... I gave it my best.

Eli Wolfson: It's a matter of life and death, Weiss. My family went through enough already.
Weiss: If he's already made up his mind, there's nothing to be done.
Eli Wolfson: Yeah, but he listens to you. You've been friends for a long time.
Weiss: Friendship is friendship, and business is business.
Eli Wolfson: Not in diamonds.

Tommy McCabe: Am I Jewish?
Noah Wolfson: Uh, not really.
Tommy McCabe: How come you're Jewish and I'm not?
Noah Wolfson: Well, it's complicated. Uhm... The rules go by the mother. But you shouldn't worry about it. It doesn't matter.
Tommy McCabe: So I'm half and half?
Noah Wolfson: I guess.
Tommy McCabe: Cool.

Alfred Smets: I'm pretty familiar with those fucks. They'd never get involved in that shit.
Jo Smets: Dad, the days where you polished diamonds in the backyard are over and done with. It's different now.
Alfred Smets: Jews are the same always. They're not exactly big fans of paying taxes, but never drugs. No way. They're upright. Strong morals.
Jo Smets: They fucked you over in those days, Dad. They paid you like a pauper, and when they had their own polishing ring, it's like you never existed.
Alfred Smets: We got paid rather well. I earned more in a weekend than in a month of farmwork.
Jo Smets: What? Peanuts. Compared to what they were pulling in?

Alfred Smets: I hope for your sake the ones behind it aren't Jews.
Jo Smets: What for?
Alfred Smets: Because Jews are not snitches. Because their morals are strong. Ha! They don't talk to the authorities. They have their own systems in place.
Jo Smets: Well, Dad, maybe that's true, but we do too.
Alfred Smets: Oh, yeah? But their systems are much older than yours.

Noah Wolfson: This is her husband, Shmulik... He's not allowed to touch a woman.

Sarah Wolfson: Diamonds are not just about money. It is in our blood. It's what holds us together. Even through the worst of times. If we want to break the business apart, we'll have a different set of problems to face.

—
On the IMDb

The Princess and the Plea

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 5×8

Joel: Well?
Moishe: This, my son, is a girl you do not let go of.
Joel: This, Pop... is forever.

Midge: ... But they're your friends.
Joel: I just need you. That's all.
Midge: Took you a while to figure that out.

Rose: Is there candy in the book?
Abe: No, there's no candy in the book. Why would there be candy in the book?
Rose: Well, if you're waiting for her to go over to that book, I assumed you put some candy in the book. Hard candy, that's what she likes.
Abe: I don't want to feed her hard candy, Rose, I want to see if she'll go over to the book and not because she thinks there's candy.
Rose: What's the book?
Abe: It's Being and Nothingness by Sartre.
Rose: Are there pictures?
Abe: In Being and Nothingness?! No, there's no pictures.
Rose: Then you should probably put some candy in the book. Even one piece could make a difference.
Abe: Rose, I just want to see if she's curious about the text in the book. I have to see if my granddaughter is the grandson I've been waiting for.

Rose: She's not going to know what Being and Nothingness is, even if she's curious about the text.
Abe: No one knows what Being and Nothingness is, Sartre doesn't even know. Even I'm just pretending to read it.
Rose: Pretending?
Abe: For the experiment.

Midge: Bye. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Holy shit, what am I, 80?

Midge: Hey, guys. Here again, huh?
Shirley: One of the writers said we were such good laughers, he gave us an open invite to the show. So we plan to be here every night.

Hedy Ford: I understand you wrote the weather report bit.
Midge: I came up with the concept. The boys helped make it funny.
Hedy Ford: Don't.
Midge: What?
Hedy Ford: Don't.
Midge: Okay.
Hedy Ford: If the credit's yours, take it. If it's not, take it. That's what the boys do.

Midge: You've worked your ass off, Susie, and I've done everything you said. I-I've stayed sharp. I've been a good soldier, I bat a thousand at work every day, and he notices. It would make so much sense for him to give me a shot, but he will not be moved. That fucking brick wall keeps hitting us both smack in the face. It's two steps forward, three steps back, and I'm tired of it.
Susie: So am I. But what do you do about the Gordons and the Petes and all the fucking men that run the fucking world?
Midge: You go around them. You use whatever you can and you stop at nothing. Guess who taught me that!

Abe: Oh, God, I'm sorry. I've been such a drip. ... I'm...
Gabe: Abe?
Abe: It's just the whole goddamn world. You know?
Henry: Only that?
Abe: Ah, I'm getting maudlin.
Gabe: What about the world, Abe?
Abe: I've just turned 64. And at a time when I should be comfortable, settled in body, in mind... I'm not. At all. I suddenly find myself at a crossroads. And everything feels upside down.
Arthur: That's because everything is changing at such an ungodly pace, Abe. Especially for men our age.
Abe: Men our age...
Arthur: We were born in the 1800s. A different century. Before phones, before radio. My parents' house had no electricity till I was seven. One can't keep up.
Henry: Yes, and it's physiological as much it is psychological. Homo sapiens crawled along, playing the same roles for tens and tens of thousands of years, and now, suddenly, we're forced to adapt to this rapid-fire change. More change in a year than our predecessors experienced in a lifetime, in a millennium. Think about it. Change, to our predecessors, were sudden exogenous events: earthquakes, floods, an eclipse, a saber-toothed tiger lunging at you out of nowhere. They were things to be dealt with, in the moment. Then things naturally reverted back to the norm. But now... change happens over you. Change itself is the flood, change itself is the saber-toothed. Change itself is the norm.

Abe: My fear, though, is that the world is as it always was, and I just didn't see it. That a lot of us didn't see it. Us men.
Gabe: I had a feeling we'd get gender-specific.
Abe: I'm serious. We can't blame exogenous events. It's too easy. Our collective blindness has caused a lot of harm. We controlled so much, meddled so much, and to what end?

Abe: I'm having one of your moments, Arthur. I'm seeing the piles of my life, and they're foreign to me.
Gabe: This is about your family, right? You tried to help. You tried to guide. Mistakes were made. Everybody makes mistakes.
Abe: Everything I thought about the roles of men and women I think is completely wrong. I have done exactly the wrong thing for both my children... You know... my daughter owns the apartment I'm living in?
Gabe: I thought you bought it. Didn't you say that?
Abe: My wife came up with that, our cover story. No, my daughter bought it. My daughter... My daughter was dumped by her husband, out of nowhere. That was her saber-toothed. Instead of collapsing from the weight, she emerged stronger. A new person, so I thought. But now I think... perhaps that was who she was all along. I never really took her seriously. My son Noah I took seriously. I would take him to Columbia with me every week so he could dream of what he could be. I don't remember if I ever did that for Miriam. I don't think it ever occurred to me. And as unfathomable as this career choice of hers is, she's doing it on her own. With no help from me or her mother. Where did this come from? This strength, this fearlessness that... that I never had. That my poor son never had. What could she have been if I had helped her and not ignored her, ignored who she really is?

Abe: My daughter is a remarkable person, and I don't think I've ever said that to her.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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Loch Henry

Black Mirror 6×2

Davis: Hello, Stuart.
Stuart: How are you doing, you fucking wank? Hey! What the fuck is with that hair, eh? You gonna tell me your pronouns?

Davis: Iain Adair shot his mum and dad, then himself.
Stuart: Total wipeout. Farmicide.

Davis: People know the story.
Pia: I didn't.
Davis: I mean, it's not a whodunit. There's no mystery.
Pia: Are you nuts? The mystery is, "How could someone do that shit?" It's "What the fuck?" It's "Give me the details." And the details are so awful, it is irresistible.

Pia: It'll be a... a solid piece. Well-made, high-end. And it's exploring the biggest topic, life and death.

Stuart: It's a brilliant idea! Visual showcase. Bring the tourists back. What was the name of that Netflix thing? About the guy that killed women?
Pia: Maybe narrow that down.
Stuart: One of them, he ate her own eye in front of her.

Janet: Shepherd's pie. It's ready.

Janet: Are you sure you're okay, dear?

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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Secret Santa

The Office 6×13

Pam Beesly: Is... Is it fake?
Jim Halpert: Pam.
Dwight Schrute: Yes! We are unveiling an artificial tree that will never die.
Jim Halpert: Yes.
Dwight Schrute: Like the spirit of Christmas.
Stanley Hudson: And we're supposed to applaud you for taking a giant diaper off a fake tree?

Phyllis Lapin: I have been wanting to be Santa for years. I believe I have the right temperament and the figure to do the job well. I slipped a note to Jim 11 weeks ago, and he said I could do it. It's been a long journey. But I'm Santa Claus!

Michael Scott: If this were Russia, yeah, sure, everybody would go to one Santa, and there would be a line around the block, and once you sat on her lap and she asked you what you wanted, you would say, probably, freedom, at which point the KGB would arrest you and send you to Siberia. It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore.

Michael Scott: You know what, Jim? With two Santas in the room, things get ruthless. Do you understand? You forced my hand.

Jim Halpert: Michael, it's Phyllis. We want Phyllis as Santa.
Michael Scott: Do we? Do we? Is that what we want? Why don't we take a vote on it?

Michael Scott: I don't ask for much for Christmas. I really don't. It's not like I am begging people to buy me diamonds and broach pendants. Oh! "Buy me something expensive, or I'm gonna kill myself." That's not... I don't care about that!

Michael Scott: All I want to be is Santa. And you want to take that away from me, fine. Go ahead. But when you need my help because I am ruining everything, don't look at me!

Michael Scott: Behold, Jesus Christ. And I bring to you glad Christmas tidings.

Pam Beesly: They're the only two gay guys I know. But they should be together.

Angela Martin: All right, I just got out of the restroom, and it stinks. The warehouse needs to go.
Jim Halpert: Okay, wait. How do you know it's someone from the warehouse who stunk up the bathroom?
Angela Martin: They stink up the bathroom with their smelly poos, because they don't eat as quality food as us 'cause they're poor. It's science.

Michael Scott: David, guess who I am sitting here dressed as.
David Wallace: I'm not going to guess. You can tell me, or I will hang up.
Michael Scott: I will give you a hint. His last name is Christ. He has the power of flight. He can heal leopards.
David Wallace: Michael...
Michael Scott: I am Jesus, David, and you know why?

Michael Scott: You know what? Christmas isn't about Santa or Jesus. It's about the workplace.
Jim Halpert: The exact opposite of what you just said is true.
Michael Scott: See, that's exactly something that Jim would say, and I love him for it.

Michael Scott: All of you feel like my family. Ryan, you are my son, and Pam, you're my wife, and Jim... And Angela and Phyllis, you are my grandmas. And Oscar, you just moved in next door because of urban renewal. And Stanley, you're our mailman. And I can't help but look at all of your wonderful, beautiful faces and think, "How could they do this to us?"
Jim Halpert: What?
Pam Beesly: How could we do what to you?

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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Louis C.K. at the Dolby (2023)

Louis CK: There's lots of kinds of confidence. There's personal confidence. I don't have much of that. That's... Personal confidence is like a man wearing white pants. That takes, you know... tremendous confidence and optimism, really... to leave the house in white pants like it's gonna be a great day. There's gonna be no puddles or pizza, nothing.

Louis CK: Here's another kind-- moral confidence. Moral confidence. That means knowing that you would do the right thing, knowing that you wouldn't do something wrong. Moral confidence. You can have that in your daily life because a lot of your days are the same. But what if you were in another time? Like, I would love to believe, I feel confident that I would not have had slaves. I wouldn't have done it. I wouldn't have done it. I wouldn't have had any. Even if I lived in 17-whatever in Virginia and all my neighbors had slaves, I would have been like, "You guys are dicks." I can say that. But it's easy to say that now because you can't get no slaves. You just can't-- You can't get any. That's why you don't have slaves. It's not because you're better than back-then people. It's because they're not available. That's a huge contributing factor. It's not a decision you need to make every day, like you're carrying your groceries.

Louis CK: It's not like they have slaves at Home Depot. I mean, they kind of do, but, yeah... there are some forms of kind of slavery.

Louis CK: How early did we come up with this? Like, from the beginning of human existence, we evolved, you know, through ideas. We were a scared, naked ape, and then we were like, "Make a fire. That's a good idea. Kill an animal and take his fur. That's a good idea. Plant things and then wait. That's a good idea." But really quickly we came up with, "Just make them fucking do it. I'm not doing anything. I'm doing nothing. Make them fucking do it." That was, like, our third thing we did on Earth.

Louis CK: It's true. It said, "Auschwitz" with a blue check. So it was like, "Oh, cool. It's really them," you know? And they tweeted like, "That's not funny." Why is the death camp tweeting? Who's running the social accounts at Auschwitz?

Louis CK: You know what I was thinking about today? I was thinking about Jesus... I was. Today. I was thinking about Jesus. And after I came... I... I thought, "Well, I feel sorry for Jesus." That's how I feel.

Louis CK: This is a book about Jesus. Actually, only this much is about Jesus. Only that-- just that part. The rest of it is just the Jews going like, "And then we walked for 50 years in the desert. And we only had a little bit of oil. It was difficult." It's just... It's fucking verbose. Just Jews. It just goes on and on. "And then Jacob bought a goat, and... And Abraham lived to be 800."

Louis CK: The Jews in the early chapters are all, like, 800 years old. And then God was like, "I can't with these fucking Jews for 800 years. Heart disease starts today."

Louis CK: So that's them. And that's Jesus. This little part's Jesus. And the weird part is, it's not all-- Like, it's all the same story over and over again. They tell the same story about Jesus' life over. First Matthew tells it, and then Mark is like, "Dude, that's not what-- You're fucking drunk. Here's what happened. I'll tell you what happened. Hey, Paul. You weren't even here. Shut the fuck up."

Louis CK: Nothing's true in here. But... I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I don't fucking know. What do I know? I wasn't there. I'm just trying to make it clear that I didn't make it up. They did.

Louis CK: Okay, here's the story. This is Mark Chapter 11. It's when Mark went broke...

Louis CK: That's really what happened. He got a little shitty. A little big, you know. He went to Jerusalem. That's a big town for a boy from Galilee. And he didn't just walk into Jerusalem. He walked in, and his friends were like, "King of the Jews, y'all! King of the motherfucking Jews!" The Jews didn't like that. The Jews were like, "Not my president. Whatever," you know. So they nailed him to a cross. This is what they did.

Louis CK: God doesn't hate you 'cause you're gay. God made you gay 'cause he hates you... No. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. There's no God.

Louis CK: But you know who I feel sorry for? Who I really feel sorry for is a gay man's sperm. Just think about that... That's a tough destiny. Being a sperm inside of a gay man, that's hard luck. 'Cause if you're gay, that's great. But your sperm is not gay...

Louis CK: Why? What the fuck for, the long life? You can live too long, I think. You can live too long. Some people are 100. Get the fuck out of here! Nobody knows you.

Louis CK: There's always an oldest person. And sometimes you read about them because the other one just died. That's when they tell you that there's a new oldest person. Last one I read about was 114. 114! He's a teenager after 100. You know what that means? That means he's got a kid who's like, 92... who's like, "Please fucking die. I'm just hanging around so I can have one week without you in it."

Louis CK: Here's the bad news-- You're gonna die. Here's the good news-- When you get closer, you're gonna want to fucking die. It doesn't keep being good. You don't get to keep your life the way it is. Like, I'm 55. Both hands hurt. Both hands. Both my hips hurt. I'm lucky I have only one asshole. The whole fucking body hurts.

Louis CK: There are signs that your time is coming to an end, you know? Like-- Like they don't make my shampoo anymore. They don't make it. It's like, why'd you stop? Like, you're the only one. Nobody fucking cares about you.

Louis CK: I decided to stop exercising. That's what I decided this year. I'm just not doing it anymore. I made it to 55. If I stop exercising now, it just means I might make 75 instead of 78. It's not that big a fucking deal. I'm just not gonna do it.

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Not for Attribution

The Wire 5×3

Det. Michael Crutchfield: He fuck you?
Det. William 'Bunk' Moreland: He tried... but mostly he just fucks himself.

Mike Fletcher: Wrong zip code. They're dead where it doesn't count. If they were white and murdered in Timonium, you'd have had 30 inches off the front.

Norman Wilson: Burrell reads that, he'll shit melons.
Mayor Thomas 'Tommy' Carcetti: I fucking hope so. It's Baltimore. No one lives forever.

Joseph 'Proposition Joe' Stewart: What's the problem?
Marlo Stanfield: I got too much money.
Joseph 'Proposition Joe' Stewart: Son, believe me, you ain't alone.

Joseph 'Proposition Joe' Stewart: What to do with the shit we sell ain't no thing. In Baltimore, dope and coke sell themselves, but the money that come back? Ain't enough mattresses, is there, now?

Col. Cedric Daniels: You see that quote from somebody about me stabbing Burrell in the back? That's a damn lie.
A.S.A. Rhonda Pearlman: So what? You're going to be named commissioner. This is good news! How is this not good news?

Det. William 'Bunk' Moreland: Lester, what the fuck?
Det. Lester Freamon: No. You're onto something. I only need a few weeks to pull down Marlo Stanfield. You fly this mess right, you can give it to me. Who gives a damn if we fake a couple of murders that we're never gonna solve, huh? The dead men don't care. No one cares. But if it's gonna get the bosses to throw down enough coin to do police work...

Det. James 'Jimmy' McNulty: We have to kill again...

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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Rough Diamonds 1×1

Noah Wolfson: He didn't like the firm or what?
Adina Glazer: He found it okay, but he wasn't passionate about it. I think he mainly did it because he thought it's what tate wanted.
Noah Wolfson: Naturally, they all do what tate wants.

Noah Wolfson: Come on, Adina. For real. How many years did you fight before he let you become a trader? Huh? You were the best out of any of us and he wanted you to teach or something.
Adina Glazer: Yeah, but he did make me a dealer and I'm doing fine now. The first woman in four generations. Give him credit for that. He's earned it.

Eli Wolfson: This whole entire thing... They come here, to our house and make threats as if we were just... This is what's become of us. You know? There used to be rules, used to be honor. I mean, they wouldn't have dared come here. It's crazy.

Gila Wolfson: The Wolfsons... You're all the same kind of person. You expect us all to love you. You can't stand anybody speaking badly about you. But when times get hard, "poof"... you disappear.

—
On the IMDb

A House Full of Extremely Lame Horses

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 5×7

Shirley: Oh, she wants a place to throw a party for those sad, lonely women who pay her for a husband. May I just say, thank God we didn't have a girl.
Moishe: We sure dodged a bullet there, boy.

Zelda: The pilot's out.
Rose: What? Miriam, the pilot's out! Abe, the pilot's out!
Zelda: It's fine. Easy to fix.
Rose: Miriam, it's easy to fix! Abe, Zelda's here! She says it's easy to fix!
Midge: What?!
Rose: Zelda's gonna fix the stove.
Midge: Well, what's wrong with the stove?!
Zelda: The pilot light is out, Mr. Weissman.
Abe: Zelda? What are you doing here?
Rose: She's fixing the stove.
Abe: Oh. Okay.

Zelda: So, like I showed you last time, all you have to do is light a match, see? Then you hold it here, turn the knob, and then it's lit.
Rose: My goodness. So complicated.
Zelda: Not complicated at all. I showed you before many, many times. Did you look in the book?
Rose: The book?
Zelda: The book I made you, remember? All labeled, and there's pictures... See, right here under "No flame in stove for tea" is "How to fix no flame in stove for tea." Very easy. A picture of teacup and everything.
Rose: Yes, well, luckily it's working now.
Zelda: Maybe you could try for next time?
Rose: Oh, please, if I did that, I'd blow the entire building up.
Midge: Did she fix it yet?
Rose: She did. She's a genius.
Midge: Shoot, I wanted to see her do it. For next time.
Zelda: It's all in the book I made you.
Midge: Where'd that come from?
Rose: I have no idea.
Zelda: It comes from me! I made the book!
Midge: Oh, look, it has pictures. Fun.

Abe: I was a tenured professor at Columbia University. I worked at Bell Labs. I have 12 patents pending. That is my grandson. He's a Weissman. There is no possible way he's happy.

Danny Stevens: ... Finally, my parents get to Ellis Island where they were immediately quarantined for two months.
Gordon Ford: Why?
Danny Stevens: They were sick. They had everything. Typhoid, pneumonia, malaria. They were so sick, the immigration agent changed their name to... I can't go by that name in show business. Too Jewish. Finally get out, move to a tenement on Delancey, and proceed to have nine children.
Gordon Ford: Ooh.
Danny Stevens: Because, as my mother said, "Even if you can't afford the movies, Saturday night is still going to happen. You got to do something."

Danny Stevens: Gordon, this woman here is like a brave explorer, daring to find what no one has found before. A bit that works.
Midge: I think you're exaggerating.
Danny Stevens: You're Amerigo Vespucci, Sir Walter Raleigh, Amelia Earhart... if she'd made it.

Abe: They give every child in his school an aptitude test at the beginning of the year.
Midge: Oh, how'd he do?
Abe: He failed! They say he has the potential for nothing but happiness.
Midge: Is that bad?
Abe: Ethan is a first-born Weissman male. A first-born Weissman male is expected to excel. They are not expected to be happy.
Midge: I'm sorry, just because he's happy doesn't mean he won't excel.
Abe: Of course it does! Not one person who has ever accomplished anything of worth in life has ever been happy.
Midge: That can't be true.
Abe: Name me one cheerful man of science. One sunny artist of worth. One giddy Founding Father.
Midge: Benjamin Franklin. Didn't he get laid a lot?
Abe: Yes, he did, but given all his great accomplishments, I guarantee you, he didn't enjoy it.

Mike: You're getting a raise. ..... You didn't know?
Midge: I didn't know.
Mike: It's a big one, too. You'll be making as much as the men.
Midge: Jiminy Crickets! ..... Well, this is very serious. I mean, if this gets out, every working woman will want to get paid just as much as a man to do the exact same job, and our entire civilization will collapse.
Mike: Exactly!

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

Scott's Tots

The Office 6×12

Erin: What's "Scott's Tots"?
Stanley Hudson: Has it really been 10 years?
Pam Beesly: Michael, why did you promise that?
Michael Scott: To change lives.
Pam Beesly: No. Michael, why would you promise that?

Michael Scott: I just... I fell in love with these kids, and I didn't want to see them fall victim to the system. So... I made them a promise. I told them that if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education.

Michael Scott: I have made some empty promises in my life, but hands down, that was the most generous.

Michael Scott: No! I'm not a bad-news person. I bring good news, like when I promised those kids I'd pay for college.

Michael Scott: Thank you. Wow. I am never going to forget today. Not a chance. I don't think I could ever give back to you what you have given me today.

Michael Scott: Who here's done something stupid in their lives? Like skipped out on study hall or mix up the difference between A gym and B gym, that sort of thing? Show of hands... Anybody? Yes, a bunch of you. Okay. Well, me, too. I've done something stupid, which I would like to share.

Michael Scott: All right. I came here today because I promised you tuition, and tuition is very valuable. But you know what's invaluable? Is intuition. You know what that is? That is the ability to know when something is about to happen. Does anybody out there have intuition? Know what's gonna happen next? Nobody? Okay. You're gonna make me say it.

Michael Scott: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Mikela: You lied to us!
Michael Scott: Yep. I lied to myself, too. I'm not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn't even close, and then I thought maybe by the time I was 40, but by 40 I had less money than when I was 30. Maybe by my 50s, I don't know.

Michael Scott: I wanted to pay for your education. I really did. It was my dream. Some people have evil dreams, some people have selfish dreams, or wet dreams. My dream was in the right place.

Creed Bratton: Guys, I'm starting to think Pam's not even pregnant.

Michael Scott: That's a lot of zeroes...

Michael Scott: Fifteen lives. I destroyed 15 young lives today.

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022)

Puss in Boots (2011) <<

Puss in Boots: Hey, you want to see something cool?

Doctor: Please. This is serious.
Puss in Boots: What is it?
Doctor: Puss in Boots, how do I say this?... You died.

Puss in Boots: I laugh at death... And anyway, I am a cat. I have nine lives.
Doctor: And how many times have you died already?
Puss in Boots: Uh... I don't know. I never counted. I am not really a math guy, you know?

Doctor: ... That makes eight, Puss. You are down to your last life. My prescription: no more adventures for you. You need to retire.

The Big Bad Wolf: Hey. I never do this, but can I get your autograph? Been following you for a long time. Sign right there.

The Big Bad Wolf: Everyone thinks they'll be the one to defeat me, but no one's escaped me yet.

Puss in Boots: I am no longer worthy. I'm sorry.

Puss in Boots: We are gathered here today to say goodbye to Puss in Boots. There are no words to express such a loss. Thank you... But it would be a crime not to try.

Mama Luna: I bet you never even had a name. But you know what, I have thought of something perfect. I shall call you... Pickles!

Mama Luna: This is a person potty, Pickles. That's your potty...
Puss in Boots: So this is where dignity goes to die.

Perrito: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. You're a talking cat?
Puss in Boots: I'm a talking cat.
Perrito: Let's talk.
Puss in Boots: I'd rather eat.
Perrito: Oh, not a problem. We can eat and talk at the same time.

Kitty Softpaws: What is this? Are you a pirate now?
Puss in Boots: Shh.
Kitty Softpaws: It's like a possum crawled on your face and died.
Puss in Boots: Shh!
Kitty Softpaws: Of shame.
Puss in Boots: Please, mock me quietly.

Kitty Softpaws: What's your deal, anyway? You run with the Chihuahua Gang?
Perrito: I don't think so.
Kitty Softpaws: I don't believe you.
Perrito: That's okay. As long as you believe in yourself.
Kitty Softpaws: Wha... Is he deranged?
Puss in Boots: Yep.

Puss in Boots: Come on, Kitty. You've got to trust me...
Perrito: Wait. Wh-Wh-What's... What's going on with his eyes?
Kitty Softpaws: Oh, they're getting bigger.
Puss in Boots: Oh, Kitty!...
Perrito: You got to trust him. Look at those eyes.
Kitty Softpaws: Really? You call that cute?...
Perrito: Oh, look at her! Those eyes are even bigger than yours. Do whatever she wants, Puss... Wait a second. So poofy! No. With the paws? Come on! With the hat? It's all so cute! Cuteness overload!

Puss in Boots: It says we must go through the Valley of Incineration over Undertaker Ridge, through the Cave of Lost Souls?
Kitty Softpaws: Really? Let me take a look... What? Swamp of Infinite Sorrows? Mountains of Misery? The Abyss of Eternal Loneliness? There's something wrong with this map.
Puss in Boots: I guess there is a different terrible path for everyone.

Perrito: Oh, mine says... We skip through the Pocket Full of Posies. Then drift down the River of Relaxation. That sounds fun.
Kitty Softpaws: No fair.
Puss in Boots: Why does he get the good one?
Perrito: Wander the Fields of Quick and Easy Solutions, and arrive at the star. Oh, wow! That sounds wonderful.

Perrito: Watch. Don't rush through it. Take your time and really appreciate what's right in front of you.
Kitty Softpaws: Ugh. His path is so corny.
Puss in Boots: And cheesy.
Kitty Softpaws: And lame.
Puss in Boots: And weird, like him.

Perrito: My story? Oh. It's actually a very funny story. Back when I was a pup, me and my littermates lived with a family. A family full of pranksters who liked to play hide-and-seek, and I was always it. Pick on the little guy, am I right? They tried putting me in a packing crate, a dumpster. No matter how hard they tried, I'd always find them. So, one day, they get creative and they put me in a sock with a rock in it. And then throw me in a river. I gnawed a hole in the sock, and I swam to the surface. Never found them or my littermates. So I guess I'm still it.
Kitty Softpaws: Wow. That is the saddest funny story I've ever heard.
Perrito: Well, joke's on them. That sock they put me in, I grew into it. So, I got a great story and a free sweater out of it. Win-win.

Jack Horner: What do you think, bug? Do I wait for the cats to steal the map and then kill them, or do I just kill everybody all at once?
Ethical Bug: You know, I'm starting to think you don't appreciate the value of a life.
Jack Horner: What? No! I mean, I love these guys. Flex the glutes. I need a solid surface.
There's good in all people. There's good in all people...

Ethical Bug: You know, Jack, maybe we need to dig a little deeper. T-Tell me about your childhood.
Jack Horner: You know, I never had much as a kid. Just loving parents and stability and a mansion and a thriving baked goods enterprise for me to inherit. Useless crap like that.

Puss in Boots: Okay, you take the window, I'll take the chimney.
Perrito: What do I take?
Puss in Boots: Oh, you take it easy, Perrito.

Puss in Boots: You are no bounty hunter. You are...
The Big Bad Wolf: Death. And I don't mean it metaphorically or rhetorically or poetically or theoretically or in any other fancy way. I'm Death, straight up.

The Big Bad Wolf: Live your life, Puss in Boots. Live it well.

The Big Bad Wolf: You know we will meet again, right?
Puss in Boots: Sí. Hasta la muerte.

Kitty Softpaws: I hate to say it, but should we make a wish?
Puss in Boots: Kitty, one life spent with you is all that I could wish for.

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+ Quotes on the IMDb
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