Double Date

The Office 6×9

Dwight Schrute: Can't a guy just buy some bagels for his friends, so they'll owe him a favor which he can use to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from him anymore? Jeez, when did everyone get so cynical?

Dwight Schrute: Pam, would you care for a bagel?
Pam Beesly: Oh, no, thank you.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, that's right, you're a woman and you need to refuse food the first time. I'll try again.

Michael Scott: There's no better medicine than birthday lunch. It'll cure all of your, "Gee, I don't know if Michael should be dating my mother." And fixes all occurrences of, "I don't really see them together." So, open wide, Pam, and take a big old spoonful of birthday lunch medicine. Take with food.

Pam Beesly: Why did I get in the car? I could've struggled. I have a whistle in my purse, I didn't even blow it.

Pam Beesly: So, Mom, which birthday are we celebrating this year?
Helene Beesly: Sticking with 49.
Pam Beesly: Forty-nine again? That's nine years in a row. This is now our longest family tradition.
Helene Beesly: Well, as long as we're running numbers, Pam, help me out with this one. Let's see, honey, you're six months pregnant, but you've only been married for 30 days, so what does that add up to?

Michael Scott: The only time you should care about a woman's age is if she is too young for you. And I am not robbing the cradle... If anything, I am robbing the grave.

Helene Beesly: Snowboarding? No, no, you want to go snowboarding?
Michael Scott: I might, I might.
Helene Beesly: Michael, what are you talking about?
Michael Scott: Nothing, just life and doing things before you die. I don't know.

Michael Scott: I want you to enjoy that cake because I have something terrible I need to tell you. And I want you to enjoy your cake before I tell you this terrible, terrible thing.

Pam Beesly: You're bribing me?
Michael Scott: No, no. No, I am not. Unless you want me to. Do you want me to? Because I will, I will bribe you... No, your face is saying don't, unless I haven't offered you enough... Your face isn't changing. What is it? Talk to me, face. Tell me what Pam's brain is thinking.

Michael Scott: Come on, what do you want? What do you want? Do you want a million dollars? Do you want to hit me? Do you want me to get down on one knee and beg you?
Pam Beesly: I want to hit you.

Toby Flenderson: And the power comes from the back foot. So, it's all one motion through the body. So, there's... You stay a little low and there's a twist, and you keep your shoulder down. And you kind of throw out the arm.
Pam Beesly: Okay, wait, you're saying it comes from the foot?
Toby Flenderson: Yes.
Pam Beesly: Okay.

Michael Scott: As I watched Pam's big, strong hand coming toward my face, I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. And guess what? I have four kids. And I have a hover car and a hover house. And my wife is a runner, and it shows. And Pam and Jim are my best friends, and our kids play together. And I'm happy. And I am rich and I never die. It doesn't sound like much, but it's enough for me.

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+ Quotes on the IMDb