The One with the Jellyfish

Friends 4×1

Phoebe Abbott Sr.: So I guess you'd like to know how it all happened...
Phoebe: I mean, well, I think I can figure it out. I guess, you know, I was born... and then everyone started lying their asses off.

Phoebe Abbott Sr.: Remember how I told you how Lily and Frank and I, we were close? Well, we were very close.
Phoebe: How close? Well, the three of us, we were kind of a, um... A couple.
Phoebe Abbott Sr.: I don't even know how that would work.
Phoebe: Well, we...
Phoebe Abbott Sr.: I'm not asking!

Chandler: Hey, Pheebs, how'd it go?
Phoebe: Huh. Well, ahem... My mom's friend, Phoebe, is actually my birth mom.
Chandler: ... I found a dried-up seahorse!

Chandler: All right. There's a nuclear holocaust. I'm the last man on earth. Would you go out with me?

Chandler: We've gotta do something.
Joey: There's only one thing you can do.
Monica: What? What is it?
Joey: You're gonna have to pee on it.
Chandler: What?!
Monica: Gross!
Joey: Don't blame me. I saw it on the Discovery Channel.

Joey: That's right. I stepped up. She's my friend and she needed help. If I had to, I'd pee on any one of you... Only, uh, I couldn't. I got the stage fright.

Ross: Oh, oh, oh. And by the way. "Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E" means "you are." "Y-O-U-R" means "your."

Chandler: You know, if we were a couple, we could play this game naked...

Monica: All right. Okay, all right. I think you're great. I think you're sweet and you're smart... and I love you. But you will always be the guy who peed on me.

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+ Quotes on the IMDb