7 июл. 2014 г.

Why We Gave Up Women

Two and a Half Men 9×22

& Walden: All right, well, I’ll just... I’ll take care of it.
    Nurse: Just check the box “Domestic Partner.”
    Walden: Oh, no, we’re just buddies.
    Nurse: We got no buddy forms.
    Walden: Yeah, but...
    Nurse: Just check the damn box!

& Alan: Hi, Walden.
    Walden: How ya feelin’?
    Alan: Fan-tastic. I’m on a morphine drip. Everyone should have a morphine drip. There would be no more war.

& Jake: So, are those tubes putting stuff in or taking stuff out?
    Walden: I think a little bit of both.
    Jake: Oh, I get it. It’s like eating on the toilet.

& Judith: So, what did the doctor say?
    Walden: Uh, he just said he needs to take it easy. You know, no stress.
    Jake: Then I guess we shouldn’t tell him about what happened at school.
    Judith: No, we definitely should not.
    Jake: Honest to God, someone put that pot in my locker.
    Walden: Why would they do that?
    Jake: That, my friend, is the million-dollar question.


& Alan: I don’t... I don’t understand. Are you reincarnated or something?
   ’Charlie’: Nah, I’m in hell. Walking around in this old broad’s body is supposed to be some kind of eternal damnation. You know what? The joke’s on them. Boobs are still boobs.

&’Charlie’: I came here to tell you it’s not too late to turn your life around.
    Alan: How?
   ’Charlie’: Stop being a parasite. Step up. Be a man. Grow a pair. Uh, parenthetically, this body actually has a pair. They dangle right under my hooha.
    Alan: Did not need to know that!

& Alan: W-Walden’s my friend. He invited me to stay with him.
   ’Charlie’: Oh, kiss my surprisingly tight ass. You’re nobody’s friend. You’re a useless appendage, like tonsils, or the nutsack under my hooha.

& Zoey: Oh, God. So we’re stuck with him forever. The man is the herpes of houseguests.
    Walden: Come on. That is not fair.
    Zoey: You’re right. Herpes sometimes disappears for a while.
    Alan: Surprise!
    Walden: Alan.
    Zoey: Herpes.

& Alan: I’d like to thank the Academy. There are no small parts... only small apartments.

--
On the IMDb

Σ Guest star — Kathy Bates!!

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