Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!

Two and a Half Men 9×24

& Alan: Come on, Judith. He’s your son too. I have videotape of him shooting out of your body.

& Alan: Yes, I’ve talked to him about his lack of plans, but it’s like talking to a wall. A very good-natured, but dense wall.

& Eldridge: Hey, everybody, good news. You don’t have to worry about us finding work.
    Alan: You-you got a job?
    Jake: Yeah. It’s not just a job though. It’s an adventure.
    Lyndsey: What?!
    Eldridge: We’re gonna be all we can be.
    Alan: Oh, oh, no-no, you didn’t.
    Jake: We didn’t what?
    Alan: Join the Army.
    Jake: Yeah, we joined the Army. How’d you know?

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& Sergeant Preston: Harper. Harper. Oh, yeah, wants to be a drone pilot.
    Alan: Yeah, he told me. He thinks it’s like a video game.
    Sergeant Preston: Oh, it is. It’s exactly like a video game. Except we blow up real people.

& Alan: Um, I love my son, uh, but more importantly, I love my country, uh, which is why I don’t think my son should have access to flying bombs. Or really any kind of weapon.

& Jake: Look at the bright side, Dad. You won’t have to buy me clothes anymore. They’re gonna give me a dress uniform, a work uniform, and even one for when I’m tired.
    Alan: What?
    Jake: Yeah, they call ’em “fatigues.” I don’t know why they just wouldn’t call ’em pajamas.
    Alan: Oh, my son, my son...

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