Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'

Two and a Half Men 9×21

& Walden: I got to learn sometime. I mean, if Zoey and I get married, I’ll be Ava’s stepdad.
    Berta: You know, once upon a time, a cute little boy came to live in this house for a few days... Maybe you’ve met him. He’s the pot-soaked masturbating couch potato who eats all your cookies.
    Walden: Is he the one who finished off my macaroons?
    Berta: Your macaroons and my pot.

& Lyndsey: You know... Eldridge is with his father this week.
    Alan: Whoo, and Jake’s with his mother... Mmm.
    Lyndsey: So, I guess we can do anything we want.
    Alan: Yeah, and what do you want, you dirty girl?
    Lyndsey: Well, you know what would make me really happy?
    Alan: Whatever it is, I’ll do it. The guest toilet is broken. I want you to fix it.
    Lyndsey: Uh, are we role-playing? Am I the naughty plumber here to snake your drain?
    Alan: No. You’re the loving boyfriend here to fix my toilet.

---

& Lyndsey: Let’s get you into bed.
    Alan: No, no. Let’s get you into bed.
    Lyndsey: Seriously? You want to fool around?
    Alan: Parts of me do. Mr. Nose says, “No,” but Mr. Faucet says “Yes!”

& Walden: I can’t do this, Berta. It’s just... it’s too much. She just never stops.
    Berta: Yeah, I raised four daughters. The only thing that slows them down is jail and johnsons.

& Walden: I told Zoey we were gonna be a family. What am I gonna do?
    Berta: The kid’s seven?
    Walden: Yeah.
    Berta: Wait nine years.
    Walden: What happens in nine years?
    Berta: If you’re lucky, she runs away with a coke-addled bass player.
    Walden: And if I’m not lucky?
    Berta: A drummer.

& Alan: FYI, if you’d like to try again, I’m wearing sweatpants. No zipper.
    Lyndsey: I cannot believe you’re still horny.
    Alan: Me neither, but there it is.

& Walden: If I could get rid of them...
    Alan: Yes! A hundred times yes!

--
On the IMDb