The Table Polarization

The Big Bang Theory 7×16

& Penny: Why not get a table?
    Sheldon: Do you want the long answer or the short answer?
    Howard: Hey, how come we never get that option?
    Sheldon: Chaos theory suggests that even in a deterministic system, if the equations describing its behavior are nonlinear, a tiny change in the initial conditions can lead to a cataclysmic and unpredictable result.
    Penny: Translation?
    Leonard: Waah. I don’t want a table!

& Leonard: You want to come with us?
    Sheldon: You know, I’d love to, but, um, I’m too busy falling back in love with Windows 98.

& Sheldon: I can’t talk right now— I have several thousand updates to install.

& Sheldon: Think of me as Arthur Dent in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, lying in front of the bulldozers to protect his home.
    Leonard: If you’ll recall, the Vogon fleet blew up the Earth anyway.
    Sheldon: It’s a made-up story, Leonard— I don’t even know why you’re talking about it.

& Sheldon: Is this really worth it? We’ve lived together for years with nary an argument. Huh? But we start talking about a table, and suddenly we’re at each other’s throats.
    Leonard: “Nary an argument”? “Nary”?!
    Sheldon: Well, that means “not one,” or “not any”. Maybe instead of a table, you should buy a dictionary.

& Sheldon: I don’t know if I won that, but at least he’s upset.

---

& Raj: This might be my second favorite brown magic wand...

& Raj: This is so much better than watching TV like a muggle.

& Raj: ...And if anything were to happen to you, we will name our firstborn son Howard.
    Howard: ....
    Raj: I’m just kidding. We’ll name him Dalib, after my grandfather.

& Penny: You’re a grown man, you should be able to pick whichever hobbit you want.

& Howard: Good news. Someone in this room gets to take a ride on a rocket.
    Bernadette: Fine. Can I at least shower first?
    Howard: No, not that. Although you already agreed to it, so no take-backs.

& Sheldon: Okay. I think we’ve found the problem here. It’s not the table at all. It’s you!
    Penny: Me?!
    Leonard: Well, it’s always me— take one for the team.

& Sheldon: Without realizing it, I’ve allowed that woman to alter my personality.
    Leonard: Mm, Sheldon, you didn’t have a personality; you just had some shows you liked.

& Sheldon: No, I’ve changed. Like the frog who’s put in a pot of water that’s heated so gradually he doesn’t realize he’s boiling to death.
    Penny: Or you’re the frog who’s been kissed by a princess and turned into a prince.
    Leonard: Or you’re just a tall, annoying frog.

& Sheldon: Excuse me. I have to break up with my girlfriend.

& Sheldon: You’ve opened my eyes to the truth. Amy has made me a more affectionate, open-minded person. And that stops now.
Ω Finally!

& Penny: Amy, it’s Penny. Hey. Just a little heads-up. Leonard bought a dining room table. Yeah. Sheldon’s breaking up with you.

& Amy: ...Of course I was!
    Sheldon: Yeah, wait. How do I know that you’re not manipulating me right now?
    Amy: I think if I were manipulating you, you’d be smart enough to see it.
    Sheldon: How do I know you’re not saying that as part of the manipulation?
    Amy: I think you’d be smart enough to see that, too.

& Amy: You don’t need to explain yourself to him.
    Sheldon: I don’t need to explain myself to you!
    Amy: You’re sick of his nonsense and ready to move in with me.
    Sheldon: Keep the table! We don’t use that space!
    Amy: .... Damn it, I got cocky.

& Raj: [Don’t forget] how you threw up in zero gravity, and it floated back in your mouth... And you threw up again... And so on and so on.

& Sheldon: It just... makes me sad.
    Bernadette: Now I feel bad.
    Leonard: Oh, don’t anthropomorphize him; he’s got big eyes, but his feelings are not like ours.

& Sheldon: Well, isn’t this nice... Sometimes the baby wins.

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On the IMDb