Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt

Two and a Half Men 9×1

& Gail: Why can’t we see the body?
    Courtney: Yeah, I didn’t come all this way to spit on a closed coffin.
    Alan: Okay, I understand how you feel, but unfortunately due to the circumstances of his passing, the remains aren’t exactly... spit-able.

& Rose: ...Nothing could spoil it. Not even when I came home from shopping and found him taking a shower with another woman.
    Russell: That’s our Charlie.
    Rose: But I forgave him because I loved him unconditionally. So you can imagine my horror when, the very next day, he slipped on the Metro platform and fell in front of an oncoming train...
    Berta: Never cross a crazy woman.

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& Alan: Well. Here we are, buddy. Just like old times, huh? I’m talking, and you’re in the bottle, ignoring me.

& Alan: So, now the question is... what do we do with you?.. I know what you said you wanted, but... I really don’t think Pamela Anderson will agree to swallow your ashes.

& Alan: $1.3 billion, and he’s hung like an elephant...

& Alan: So, don’t take this the wrong way, but I can’t get the image of your penis out of my mind.
    Walden: Thank you. That’s very sweet.

& Walden: Guess what? I had sex with two girls last night.
    Alan: Great! Um, I masturbated and cried myself to sleep.
    Walden: .... I like my night better.

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+ quotes on the IMDb

Σ Pretty good appearance. RIP, Charlie, long live, Walden.