Wilfred 1x7

Pride

"In general, pride is at the bottom of all great mistakes."
Steven H. Coogler

& Ryan: I’m going to the mall to get some free AC.
    Wilfred: Sounds like a plan. I’ll just finish up here. Close your eye, Bear.

& Wilfred: I don’t know, Ryan. Sometimes I get the feeling maybe Bear isn’t the one.
    Ryan: Maybe you need to spice things up. Take Bear to a nice restaurant...
    Wilfred: You think?
    Ryan: No! It’s a semen-drenched teddy bear.

& Ryan: I pretty much burned through my savings. I might have to get a job.
    Wilfred: Hey! Jobs are for immigrants.

& Wilfred: What’s mine is yours. Do you forget what we did last night?
    Ryan: It’s Monopoly. It’s not real money. How many times do I have to tell you that?
    Wilfred: One more times.
    Ryan: It’s not real money.
    Wilfred: Shit!

& Ryan: If I don’t get a job, I’m gonna have to ask Kristen for money. There’s no way in hell I’m doing that.
    Wilfred: That’s just stubborn pride. She’s your sister, mate. She loves you. Bleed the bitch dry.

& Ryan: Are you insane? Thanks to you, I’m gonna have to pay that woman thousands of dollars!
    Wilfred: And thanks to you, I’m going to town on the deepest throat in the stuffed animal kingdom. Now that I’ve met Raffi, how can I go back to Bear?

& Wilfred: Single mom, lonely, vulnerable... Perhaps you have something that’s worth more to her than money.
    Ryan: What are you talking about?
    Wilfred: I’m talking about lovemaking so passionate she wakes up the next morning with a limp*.

& Wilfred: Beth... like every woman... is a delicate flower. She may say she wants your money, but what she really needs is nurturing*, tenderness* and a nasty* sex limp.

& Wilfred: Go to Beth as I shall go to Raffi. Let us walk together towards our destinies bravely... sexually.

---

& Wilfred: What are you doing with this little boy? What you need is a real man,a man with hair on his chest... and his back, and his ass, and his neck and his forehead. A man who can afford the finer things in life.

& Wilfred: Check out the look Raffi’s giving me! Girl is a freak.

& Ryan: Ah! Can... can we slow things down?
    Beth: Wittle bunny wikes it down there.
    Ryan: I know, but we’re moving a little...
    Beth: Yeah, maybe I didn’t make myself clear!? Little bunny wants cunnilingus performed on her because it’s the only way the little bunny can achieve orgasm.

& Ryan: We have to get out of here!
    Wilfred: Are you kidding me? This is the best sex I’ve ever had. For a gal who’s never been out of the box, Raffi really thinks outside of the box.

& Ryan: I’m freaking out. Beth wants me to... you know.
    Wilfred: Oh, I see. A little yodeling in the old canyon, eh?

& Ryan: May I speak with you?.. Privately?
    Wilfred: Oh, anything you can say to me, you can say in front of Bear.
    Ryan: Okay. So last night at Beth’s...
    Wilfred: Whoa! Let’s take it upstairs. ... Not cool, dude.
    Ryan: You said I could say anything. I assumed it was an open relationship.
    Wilfred: It is, but Bear doesn’t know that.

& Wilfred: As you wish, Ryan. We’ll just stay in and play Monopoly again... or Battleship.
    Ryan: You cheat at that, too.
    Wilfred: Battleships change locations in the middle of a war, Ryan! It’s what they were designed to do!

& Beth: Yes!
    Ryan: Beth?
    Beth: The answer is yes! I got the flowers you sent.
    Ryan: I sent you flowers?

& Wilfred: Okay, I’ll admit I betrayed you, but in my defense, I really, really want to have sex with Raffi again. So it’s one of those arguments when neither of us is right, neither of us is wrong. We’re both kinda swimming in gray area.

& Beth: Although since this is now technically a business transaction, I would be doing myself a disservice if I didn’t negotiate a little... signing bonus. ... Uh... Ding-ding, round two. ... Uh... that’s nice, but that’s not what you did last night.
    Ryan: What do you mean?
    Beth: Wight bunny, wong hole.

& Ryan: Beth wants a repeat of last night. I need your help.
    Wilfred: All right, I’ll... I’ll help you, Ryan. I’ll do anything for ya. But first you need to help me. Raffi wants to cuckold* me.
    Ryan: What?!
    Wilfred: It’s a form of sexual degradation whereby I’m forced to watch as she’s ravaged by someone else; a lesser, physically inadequate lover. She asked for you specifically.
    Ryan: You want me to have sex with a stuffed giraffe?!
    Wilfred: “Want” has nothing to do with it. Do you need my help or not?

& Ryan: I can’t do this.
    Wilfred: Please, Ryan, this is hard enough for me as it is.
    Ryan: This is insane.
    Wilfred: Just screw the giraffe.

& Ryan: Why am I doing this?
    Wilfred: So you don’t have to call your sister and be humiliated.

& Wilfred: Okay, it-it’s Colonel Mustard in the study with the wrench.
    Ryan: No. Ah!
    Wilfred: I won.

-- Dict:
limp — хромота; мозоль
nurturing — забота
tenderness — нежность
nasty — неприятный; отвратительный; непристойный; неприличный
cuckold — наставлять рога

On Imdb.