Wilfred 1x4

Acceptance

"Happiness can exist only in acceptance."
George Orwell

& Ryan: That’s disgusting. You rub your ass on everything, and I want it to stop.
    Wilfred: Ryan, my anal glands need to be expressed. It’s my constitutional right. Freedom of expression.

& Ryan: She must be worried sick about me.
    Wilfred: You think she’s doing this because she cares? This is a guilt burrito... And they put onions in it. Son of a bitch!

& Ryan: She just wants what’s best for me.
    Wilfred: Then she should accept you as you are. Kirsten’s always busting balls. Does she ever try just licking them?

& Ryan: How am I gonna get her to stop this?
    Wilfred: You know how Jenna stopped me from chewing on her panties?.. She didn’t. Know why?.. She never caught me in the act.

& Wilfred: It all starts tomorrow.
    Ryan: I can’t.
    Wilfred: Why not?
    Ryan: I have to help Kristen.
    Wilfred: You’re letting her get between you and the band... I can’t believe this!
    Ryan: Calm down!
    Wilfred: Yeah, that’s what John Lennon said before he ran off and got nude with that Asian bitch!
    Ryan: Don’t be racist.
    Wilfred: How can I be racist? I’m incapable of seeing color.

---

& Wilfred: What am I supposed to do all by myself in a big, empty house? Geez, so high-maintenance. What if something happens?
    Ryan: What could happen?
    Wilfred: Well, I guess we’ll find out...

& Ryan: How was the C-section?
    Kristen: Twins... one ugly baby two times. Whatever, who cares?

& Wilfred: Great. I should’ve known you wouldn’t believe me. It’s like you’re shoving his big, hairy peanut butter ball bags in my mouth all over again!
    Ryan: Go home, Wilfred.
    Wilfred: You’re not my father, and I hate you! I wish I’d never been born!

& Ryan: Can’t teach an old dog new tricks...

& Ryan: Wilfred, I did not play an H.
    Wilfred: Bear?
    Ryan: Hang on. Is Bear even in this band?
    Wilfred: Why, would that be a problem?
    Ryan: Well, if his only purpose is to help gang up on me, then yes. He doesn’t play any instrument that I’m aware of.
    Wilfred: He plays a pretty good skin flute.

& Ryan: Let Bear play bass if he’s such an expert!
    Wilfred: Bear is just giving constructive criticism... don’t take it personally!
    Ryan: Well, it doesn’t get much more personal than I play bass like “a busted vagina.” I can’t work like this.
    Wilfred: Guys! Bear, drop it. Ryan...


On Imdb.