Wilfred 1x6

Conscience

"Conscience* is the dog that can't bite, but never stop barking."
Proverb

& Drew: We're going to put some burgers on the grill later. Maybe crack some brews?
    Ryan: Yeah, you should come. Sounds fun.
    Wilfred: Here comes the corny nickname...
    Drew: See you then, Ry-Guy.
    Wilfred: And here comes the part where he carries her into the house like a Viking on a rape quest...
    Jenna: No! No!

& Wilfred: Have you any idea what it feels like to have someone come into your house, treat you with no respect and act like they own the place?
    Ryan: Did you eat my sandwich?!
    Wilfred: Oh, I get it. Because I'm a dog, right? I can only imagine what you'd say if I was black.

& Drew: Yeah! Ry-Bread!
    Ryan: Hey, Drew... a blank.

& Jenna: Don't you think that was a little harsh, Drew?
    Wilfred: Insert moronic sports metaphor here...
    Drew: When it comes to beverage sales, you either swing for the fences or you get off the field.

& Ryan: I don't understand, Wilfred. If you hate Drew so much, why do you do everything he says?
    Wilfred: I don't know, Ryan. Why do you do everything I say?..
    Ryan: I don't.

& Ryan: Wilfred, what's wrong?
    Wilfred: Back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back orgasms. That's what's wrong.

& Wilfred: Put your legs up. Put your legs up, please. Come on. Come on, Bear. Work with me here. Aah! What's the use? You see what Drew does to me, Ryan? I'm so emasculated, I can't even raise a fence post for stupid old Bear. I need your help.

---

& Wilfred: You're running out of time. {...}
    Drew: I'm coming to L.A., bro! I'm moving in with Jenna!
    Wilfred: Looks like you better start brushing up on your seven-letter Scrabble words. Here's a few for you. Sexless. Flaccid*. Dry-dick. Shall I go on?

& Wilfred: All right. Here's what I'm thinking. We wait until Drew is asleep, and then we put his hand in warm water. Then, just when he starts to pee himself, we take a rock and crush his skull.
    Ryan: That's your plan?
    Wilfred: Well, how would you kill him?

& Ryan: What's the one thing Jenna hates most about Drew?
    Wilfred: Vaginal tearing from his huge cock?

& Wilfred: Drew's a born winner, and you're... you.

& Ryan: [This's] the instrument of Drew's destruction. My Ping-Pong paddle from when I was All-State Table Tennis champion.
    Wilfred: I guess my only question is: how were you not blow-jobbed to death by the entire cheerleading squad?

& Wilfred: I thought you said you were good. I've seen more aggressive ball play in an airport men's room.

& Wilfred: That... was... awesome!
    Ryan: I've never seen Jenna so upset.
    Wilfred: You don't think that pains me, too? But that's the price we pay for true love, Ryan... Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go tear a new asshole in the back of Bear's neck.

& Wilfred: That... was... hilarious!
    Ryan: Did you see how destroyed he was? I feel bad.
    Wilfred: That's just your conscience being a total gaylord.

& Wilfred: Blah, blah, blah. Shut up and go make yourself a sandwich. I'm hungry.

& Wilfred: I had to poison you.
    Ryan: I don't believe you. I don't believe you'd do that to me.
    Wilfred: That's just the neurotoxin eating away at the part of your brain that allows you to believe things.

& Wilfred: You... saved me. Why did you save me?
    Ryan: It was the right thing to do.
    Wilfred: After everything I did to you? I will never understand humans. But this is the reason why we will ultimately defeat you.

& Wilfred: Hell, maybe you're onto something with all this conscience stuff. I'm even starting to think I should stop doing that god-awful thing to your mouth guard.
    Ryan: What thing? What did you do?!
    Wilfred: Shhh. Conserve your energy, mate.

& Wilfred: What's wrong, mate?
    Ryan: I'm still thinking about Jenna.
    Wilfred: I know what'll cheer you up. Bear, come here. I want you to meet my friend Ryan...

-- Dict:
Conscience — совесть
Flaccid — вялый; дряблый; бессильный; поникший

On Imdb.