My Name Is Earl 4x5

Sweet Johnny

& Earl: They say in Camden County a crime is committed every seven minutes. Unfortunately for Joy, it had been 6 minutes and 57 seconds.

& Joy: The hell? This ain’t a bus.

& Joy: Oh, snap! My hand snapped!

& Randy: Have you heard that if you can tear the label off your beer in one piece it means you’re not a virgin? Willie the mailman was talking about it.
   Earl: I hadn’t heard that. ... Guess it’s true.
   Randy: What?! I’ve had sex, you stupid beer!

& Darnell: Baby, are these socks thicker than my regular socks? I feel taller. Where did you get a gun?

& Sheila: He hurt his brain so bad he can’t make new memories. {...} He never leaves the house. {...} I stayed with him for a couple of years, but he got hurt the summer that song La Vida Loca was big. If I heard him sing it one more time, I was going to drown him in the tub.
   Earl: I know what that’s like. Randy got really into that song for a while. It’s the only time I ever spanked him.

---

& Randy: I’m not a virgin. Does sex not count with daytime hookers, illegal aliens, or 60-year-olds?

& Carolina: I don’t know why you just don’t skip him and go to another item. It’s not like you’re going to live long enough to actually finish that list anyway.
   Randy: Wrong. Earl promised me he’d live forever.

& Sweet Johnny: It’s like 10 years of ass growth since yesterday.

& Randy: Oh, my God, I did it! The bottle says I’m not a virgin, I knew it!

& Earl: Is anybody dead?


On Imdb.