Two and a Half Men 1x4

If I Can’t Write My Chocolate Song, I’m Going to Take a Nap

& Jake: Uncle Charlie, why is Berta leaving?
    Charlie: Why? It doesn’t matter, Jake. What matters is she’s gone. And we’re all going to die.

& Charlie: She left before she made the coffee!
    Alan: So? We’ll make our own coffee.
    Charlie: How?!
    Alan: [ click ]
    Charlie: So, now we just wait?

& Charlie: No. Not as good as Berta’s.
    Alan: It’s her coffee. I just pressed the button.
    Charlie: Berta’s tasted, I don’t know, Christmassy.
    Alan: What does that mean, “Christmassy?”
    Charlie: It means “like Christmas.”
    Alan: Now, you got to work with me, Charlie. I mean, nutmeg, cinnamon, powdered reindeer?
    Charlie: I don’t know. It’s just that when you drank it, it felt like Christmas morning, and anything was possible.

& Charlie: Alan?
    Alan: Yeah?
    Charlie: I can see you.
    Alan: And I can see you, too.
    Charlie: No. I mean, Berta never cleaned when I was in the room. She was like invisible.
    Alan: I’m sorry. I’ll try to be more transparent.

---

& Jake: Is that lady your girlfriend?
    Charlie: No, she’s just... It’s complicated.
    Jake: You know what else is complicated?.. Fractions.

& Alan: Come on, can’t we put aside our petty differences and find a way to work together out of a mutual love for Charlie?
    Berta: Yeah, that’s why I do this. For love.

& Alan: The thing is, I’m going through a really tough time right now. My marriage is collapsing, my business is slow. My little boy is being dragged back and forth from his mother’s house to Malibu.
    Berta: My alcoholic husband ran off with my daughter’s parole officer, and I clean rich peoples’ toilets for a living.
    Alan: Okay, let’s not make this a competition.

& Jake: Looks like you washed your hair instead of mine.
    Charlie: I’m not in the mood, Jake.
    Jake: These clothes look stupid.
    Charlie: You’re 10. No one cares.

+on Imdb.