Psychoville 1x6

Robert

& Debbie: Hi! Smiler, Snoozey, Sniffley... Oh, it’s all coming back to me now.
    Kerry: We heard that the bump had affected your memory.
    Debbie: Well, it’s funny cos I can remember all my lines and all my phone numbers and stuff. I just can’t remember being engaged to Robert.
    Kerry: Engaged?!

& Michael: If I get it, do you promise to give me and Kelly Su a chance?
    Chelsea Crabtree: Yes.
    Kelly Su Crabtree: And you won’t come between us?
    Chelsea Crabtree: I’ll do me best.

& Michael: All right, then. I won’t be a minute.
    Chelsea Crabtree: Wait! Wait a second. I’ll get it. We wouldn’t want lover boy here to do anything stupid now, would we? You two, wait here!
    Kelly Su Crabtree: I’ll come with you if you like.
    Chelsea Crabtree: Yeah... all right.

& Nicola: George?.. What do you mean, you can’t find her? You can’t miss her. She weighs 50 stone. Oh, for God’s sake, George!

& Mr. Jelly: Do you all remember the magic word?
    Old man: Wipe my bum.
    Mr. Jelly: No, not “wipe my bum”. Iggy, piggy, smelly, belly, do some magic for Mr. Jelly! {...} Now then, I’m going to do some escapology for you now. Do you know what that means?
    Old man: Wipe my bum.

& Maureen: Come on, get your coat on. We’re gonna go and buy one of those indoor barbecues.
    David: What for?
    Maureen: Well, it’s our last one today, isn’t it? I thought we could eat her special. What do you think?.. I’ve bought red onions.
    David: Mum, that’s disgusting.
    Maureen: Why?
    David: I don’t like red onions.

& David: It’s got to stop!
    Maureen: “I shan’t quit ripping till I do get buckled.” You know who said that?.. Exactly! And they never caught him, did they?

& David: I’ll go to the police.
    Maureen: You wouldn’t dare. You couldn’t anyway.
    David: Yes, I could. 999, Letsby Avenue. That’s where they live.
    Maureen: Yeah. All right then, David. You go and tell them. I’ll see you later.

& Lorraine: Hello? What you thinking of cooking?
    Maureen: Um... bit of leg.
    Lorraine: Leg of...
    Maureen: ...pork.
    Lorraine: That should be fine. They get really hot. You’re David’s mum, aren’t you?
    Maureen: Yeah. And you are?
    Lorraine: Lorraine. “Happy to help.”

---

& Mrs. Wren: What’s he got? Is it a vibrator?
    Mr. Jelly: What do you know about vibrators?!
    Mrs. Wren: Mrs. Price has got one. Buzzing away every night. Her daughter brings her the batteries... Double A’s... Bag after bag.

& Debbie: We’ve been on holiday together, look.
    Kerry: But these have been sellotaped together!
    Debbie: I know. We had a row and I tore it up, apparently.
    Kerry: But half of it’s sand and half of it’s snow!
    Debbie: I think that’s what the row was about.

& Robert: Get away, Kerry. I think you’ve done enough damage for one day.
    Kerry: Robert... I was just telling Debbie...
    Robert: What?! That I’m mad? That I killed a woman? That I have special powers?!
    Kerry: No, we were just talking about the snow beach.

& Robert: Don’t make me angry, Kerry. You know what I’m capable of. ... Kerry..?
    Kerry: It was never you, Robert. It’s always been me.

& Kerry: You love me, Robert. Tell me you love me.
    Robert: Never!
    Kerry: Tell me you love me!
    Debbie: This is actually quite frightening now.
    Robert: All right, I love you. Now let her go.
    Kerry: You don’t mean it. Say it like you mean it, or this next one goes through her heart.
    Debbie: I don’t think he’s that good an actor, Kerry.
    Robert: Kerry. I do love you. But I love Debbie more.

& Joy: Right, then. We’re all set. So, here we go.
    Nicola: What’s going on?
    Joy: Blood transfusion, Nicola. You should know that — you are a nurse. Poor Freddy needs all the blood he can get. And you’re gonna give it to him. Every... last... drop.
    Nicola: Joy. Please! You’re killing me. Don’t... Don’t do this.
    Joy: Don’t think of it as killing you. Think of is as saving Freddy. Look! He’s already got the color coming back into his cheeks.


On Imdb.