Psychoville 1x1

Blackmail

& Mr. Lomax: Get your claw out of my Holy of Holies!

& Joy Aston: I actually prefer this video because unlike some of the others it shows the sheer bloody pain of it! And as I always say, you gotta split the pod* to get the peas* out. {...} I ask you not to fast forward through the contractions, please, because after all, you can’t do that in real life. So anyway, after hours and hours and hours of screaming agony, this is what you get.

& Some future dad: It’s only a doll!
    Joy: Not for much longer. Not for much longer.

& Mr. Jelly: This is always happening to me. Why can’t people read?
    Some mom: It doesn’t matter. You’re still a children’s entertainer, aren’t you?
    Mr. Jelly: No, I’m Dr Harold Shipman! Course I’m a fucking children’s entertainer! What do you think this is, a tattoo?
Some mom: Well, we were hoping for a Princess Party. Is that something...?
    Mr. Jelly: I’ve got one act and one act only! Mr. Jelly and his Hundred Hands. There’s not actually 100. There’s 16. They’re all in that bag. Kids never count them, they’re all too thick. I do balloons, magic, bubbles, stories.
    Some mom: Princess stories?..
    Mr. Jelly: Can do, if the princess has hooks instead of hands.

& Mr. Lomax: Did they tell you what your duties are?
    Michael Fry: They said I had to read to you, do your paperwork.
    Mr. Lomax: And the rest!

& Michael Fry: There’s some letters here. Want me to read them?
    Mr. Lomax: Is there anything from NASA?!

---

& Michael Fry: £2,576,319.
    Mr. Lomax: Pence?
    Michael Fry: Four.
    Mr. Lomax: Good. Lot of money, in’t it, Tealeaf? I bet you’re wondering how I came by it. Let’s just say I deal in certain commodities. Very valuable commodities. Are you not going to ask me what commodities?
    Michael Fry: What commodities?
    Mr. Lomax: I’m not telling you!

& Michael Fry: What is it?
    Mr. Lomax: It’s them.

& Brian: “I know what you did.” What’s it mean? What did you do?
    Robert: All I can think of is...when I was young, I did a silly thing... I needed the money.
    Brian: Not dwarf porn?
    Robert: How did you know?!
    Brian: I’m a woman of the world, remember! I have instincts. I wonder if I’ve seen it... what was it called?
    Robert: Whore White and the Seven Dicks... I played Stiffy.
    Brian: Not Bashful then!

& Brian: Robert, you’re being paranoid. This is nothing. I had death threats as Mother Goose, and it wasn’t golden eggs I was laying, I can tell you!

& David: Come... come, look. Look at it. See! The murderer has written “Fuck Pig” using his — or her — own excrement. Could be a clue!
    Graham: David! What have you done?!
    David: The victim has been disembowelled. See the entrails hanging down.
    Graham: Hurry up, I’m getting dizzy.
    David: Shuddup! Look at this! This is semen! All over the floor! And this, covered in the victim’s blood.
    Graham: David! Stop it now!
    David: But the murderer is still at large!
    ’Victim’: Can someone get me down, me legs are numb!

& Graham: David, go home. We gave you a chance but it isn’t working out. {...} Don’t bother coming back!
    David: This is not my last murder.
    — Shall we skip to the coffee?

& Joy: I’m gonna warm his bockie. I think he might have dirtied himself, George.
    George Aston: ....... Daddy change it. Daddy change Freddy’s nap-nap.

& Mr. Jelly: I got your letter, Jolly! And I know what you did too!

& Mr. Lomax: Congratulations, Tealeaf. I knew you’d be the one.

& David: Sorry, Mum. I did a bad murder.


-- Dict:
split — разделить
pod — стручок
peas — горох

+ on Imdb.