The Big Bang Theory 2x06

The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem

Season 2, Episode 6

* Sheldon: Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I too was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was 14. And I'd already achieved more than most of you could ever hope to, despite my 9:00 bedtime.
   Now, there may be one or two of you in this room who has what it takes to succeed in theoretical physics. Although, it's more likely that you'll spend your scientific careers teaching fifth graders how to make papier mache volcanoes with baking soda lava.
   In short... any one who told you that you would someday be able to make any significant contribution to physics, played a cruel trick on you, a cruel trick indeed. Any questions?
   Of course not. I weep for the future of science. Now if you'll excuse me, the latest issue of Batman is out.


* Raj: Isn't there a university policy against dating graduate students?
   Howard: No, if you can talk to them, you can ask them out.
   Raj: Damn, there's always a catch.


* Penny: Where you going?
   Ramona Nowitzki: 4-A.
   Penny: Oh, are you here to see Leonard?
   Ramona: No, Dr. Cooper.
   Penny: Dr. Sheldon Cooper?
   Ramona: We're having dinner.
   Penny: Sheldon Cooper? Tall, thin, looks a little like a giant praying mantis?
   Ramona: He is cute, isn't he?
   Penny: Sheldon Cooper?

---

* Penny: Okay, you guys, look, I know this is none of my business, but I just... I have to ask... what's Sheldon's deal?
   Leonard: What do you mean "deal"?
   Penny: You know, like what's his deal? Is it girls...? Guys...? Sock puppets...?
   Leonard: Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that he has no deal.
   Penny: Come on, everybody has a deal.
   Leonard: Not Sheldon. Over the years, we've formulated many theories about how he might reproduce.
   Howard: I'm an advocate of mitosis.
   Penny: I'm sorry?
   Howard: I believe one day Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and split into two Sheldons.
   Leonard: On the other hand, I think Sheldon might be the larval form of his species, and someday he'll spin a cocoon and emerge two months later with moth wings and an exoskeleton.
   Penny: Okay, well, thanks for the nightmares.


* Leonard: Hey, do you want to hang out with us?
   Penny: What are you guys gonna do?
   Howard: Uh... My mom's making a brisket tonight.
   Leonard: The one with the little onions? Mm...
   Penny: Yeah, I'm busy, so... Good night.
   Raj: Her loss. Let's go. Brisket party!


* Leonard: Hey, Penny.
   Penny: Hi. You probably don't want to go in there.
   Leonard: Why? What are they doing?
   Penny: The only way I could explain it would be in a therapist's office with dolls.
   Leonard: Hoo-boy.


* Leonard: Sheldon, Halo night, Koothrappali's. You coming?
   Sheldon: Oh, yes, it's Halo night. Let me just dry my tootsies.
   Ramona: You're not going to Halo night.
   Sheldon: Yes, I am. It's Wednesday. Wednesday's Halo night.
   Ramona: Didn't a great man once say, "Science demands nothing less than the fervent and unconditional dedication of our entire lives"?
   Sheldon: He did.
   Ramona: And who was that great man?
   Sheldon: Me. Sorry, Leonard.
   Leonard: Seriously? You're not coming?
   Sheldon: You heard her. How can I argue with me?


* Sheldon: Penny! Penny! Penny! Penny!
   Penny: Sheldon, honey, I've told you, it's a small apartment. You only have to knock one time.
   Sheldon: Please, please, I don't have a lot of time. Look, Ramona finally dozed off, and I need you to help me get rid of her.
   Penny: Get rid of her how?
   Sheldon: I don't know, but apparently I'm in some kind of relationship, and you seem to be an expert at ending them.
   Penny: Excuse me?
   Sheldon: I see man after man leaving this apartment never to return.
   Penny: Okay, first of all, it is not man after man.
   Ramona: Dr. Cooper?!
   Sheldon: Hide me.
   Penny: Hide you?
   Sheldon: I formally request sanctuary.


* Leonard: What's going on?
   Sheldon: Shh! Ramona's sleeping on the couch.
   Leonard: I know. When is she going home?
   Sheldon: Never. That's the problem. I need your help.
   Leonard: What are you talking about?
   Sheldon: I'm invoking the Skynet clause of our friendship agreement.
   Leonard: That only applies if you need me to help you destroy an artificial intelligence you've created that's taking over the Earth. Good night.
   Sheldon: Shh. All right. I'm invoking our Body Snatchers clause.
   Leonard: The Body Snatchers clause requires me to help you destroy someone we know who's been replaced with an alien pod.
   Sheldon: Yes. She's in the living room. Go. I'll wait here.
   Ramona: Sheldon, what are you doing out of bed? You know you need your sleep in order for your cognitive processing to perform at optimum levels. Now come on.
   Sheldon: Godzilla clause?
   Leonard: Not unless she destroys Tokyo.



--- Словарик:
mantis — богомол
larval — личиночный
brisket — грудинка
Hoo — ого-го!, ау!
fervent — пылкий, горячий, пламенный; ревностный


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