The Euclid Alternative
Season 2, Episode 5
* Sheldon: But how am I going to get to work?
Leonard: Take the bus.
Sheldon: I can't take the bus anymore. They don't have seat belts, and they won't let you latch yourself to the seat with bungee cords.
Leonard: You tried to latch yourself to the seat with bungee cords?
Sheldon: I didn't try. I succeeded. But for some reason, it alarmed the other passengers and I was asked to de-bus.
* Penny: What is it?
Sheldon: Leonard's asleep.
Penny: Thanks for the update.
Sheldon: No. Wait. You have to drive me to work.
Penny: Yeah, I really don't think I do. {...}
Sheldon: Didn't you recently state that you and I are friends?
Penny: Yes, Sheldon. We are friends.
Sheldon: Then I hereby invoke what I'm given to understand is an integral part of the implied covenant of friendship. The favor.
Penny: Oh, dear God.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was interrupting your morning prayers. When you're done, we'll go.
* Sheldon: Your "check engine" light is on. Typically that's an indicator to, you know, check your engine.
Penny: It's fine. It's been on for, like, a month.
Sheldon: Actually, that would be all the more reason to... you know, check your engine.
Penny: Sheldon, it's fine.
Sheldon: If it were fine, the light wouldn't be on. That's why the manufacturer installed that light, to let you know it's not fine.
Penny: Maybe the light's broken.
Sheldon: Is there a "check the 'check engine light' light"?
* Penny: Get out.
Sheldon: I have to tell you that while I do have a theoretical understanding of the workings of an internal combustion engine, I'm not sure I'm capable of performing diagnostics.
Penny: I said, "Get out."
Sheldon: Okay. I'll give it a shot.
* Leonard: Sheldon, you need to learn how to drive. This madness has to stop. Penny's taking you to the DMV. I'm going to bed.
Sheldon: Why Penny?
Leonard: Because rock breaks scissors.
* Sheldon: I still don't see why I need a driver's license. Albert Einstein never had a driver's license.
Howard: Yeah, but Albert Einstein didn't make me wet myself at 40 miles an hour.
Penny: Yeah, and I never wanted to kick Albert Einstein in the nuts.
* Inspector: Take this to the testing area, put your name at the top, sign the bottom, answer the questions, bring it back. Next.
Sheldon: Application? I'm actually more of a theorist.
Penny: The application in your hand. {...}
Sheldon: Excuse me, but I have some concerns about these questions.
Inspector: Look at that sign up there. Does it say "I give a damn"? That's because I don't.
Sheldon: Just look. This first question makes no sense. "How many car lengths should you leave in front of you when driving?" There's no possible way to answer that. A "car length" is not a standardized unit of measure.
Inspector: Look at the sign.
Penny: It's "C." Just put down "C."
Sheldon: I don't need your help, Penny.
Inspector: Listen to that little girl, honey. Put "C." Next!
Sheldon: Wait! Hang on. Look... question two: "When are roadways most slippery?" Now, there are 3 answers, none of which are correct. The correct answer is "when covered by a film of liquid sufficient to reduce the coefficient of static friction between the tire and the road to essentially zero, but not so deep as to introduce a new source of friction."
Inspector: Here's your learner's permit. Go away.
Sheldon: But I'm not done. I have many additional concerns about these questions.
Inspector: Don't make me climb over this counter!
Sheldon: Aced it.
* Leonard: So, what is it you're doing?
Sheldon: I'm... transcending the situation. I'm clearly too evolved for driving. {...} That's for anthropologists to decide. But I am convinced that the reason I cannot master the plebeian task of driving is because I'm not meant to.
--- Словарик:
latch — пристегнуться
bungee — поручень
Ace — (амер. сл.) получить высшую оценку (на экзамене); сделать отлично, в лучшем виде
+ Еще quotes на Imdb.
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