11 дек. 2009 г.

The Big Bang Theory 2x05

The Euclid Alternative

Season 2, Episode 5


* Sheldon: But how am I going to get to work?
   Leonard: Take the bus.
   Sheldon: I can't take the bus anymore. They don't have seat belts, and they won't let you latch yourself to the seat with bungee cords.
   Leonard: You tried to latch yourself to the seat with bungee cords?
   Sheldon: I didn't try. I succeeded. But for some reason, it alarmed the other passengers and I was asked to de-bus.


* Penny: What is it?
   Sheldon: Leonard's asleep.
   Penny: Thanks for the update.
   Sheldon: No. Wait. You have to drive me to work.
   Penny: Yeah, I really don't think I do. {...}
   Sheldon: Didn't you recently state that you and I are friends?
   Penny: Yes, Sheldon. We are friends.
   Sheldon: Then I hereby invoke what I'm given to understand is an integral part of the implied covenant of friendship. The favor.
   Penny: Oh, dear God.
   Sheldon: I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was interrupting your morning prayers. When you're done, we'll go.


* Sheldon: Your "check engine" light is on. Typically that's an indicator to, you know, check your engine.
   Penny: It's fine. It's been on for, like, a month.
   Sheldon: Actually, that would be all the more reason to... you know, check your engine.
   Penny: Sheldon, it's fine.
   Sheldon: If it were fine, the light wouldn't be on. That's why the manufacturer installed that light, to let you know it's not fine.
   Penny: Maybe the light's broken.
   Sheldon: Is there a "check the 'check engine light' light"?



* Penny: Get out.
   Sheldon: I have to tell you that while I do have a theoretical understanding of the workings of an internal combustion engine, I'm not sure I'm capable of performing diagnostics.
   Penny: I said, "Get out."
   Sheldon: Okay. I'll give it a shot.


* Leonard: Sheldon, you need to learn how to drive. This madness has to stop. Penny's taking you to the DMV. I'm going to bed.
   Sheldon: Why Penny?
   Leonard: Because rock breaks scissors.


* Sheldon: I still don't see why I need a driver's license. Albert Einstein never had a driver's license.
   Howard: Yeah, but Albert Einstein didn't make me wet myself at 40 miles an hour.
   Penny: Yeah, and I never wanted to kick Albert Einstein in the nuts.


* Inspector: Take this to the testing area, put your name at the top, sign the bottom, answer the questions, bring it back. Next.
   Sheldon: Application? I'm actually more of a theorist.
   Penny: The application in your hand. {...}
   Sheldon: Excuse me, but I have some concerns about these questions.
   Inspector: Look at that sign up there. Does it say "I give a damn"? That's because I don't.
   Sheldon: Just look. This first question makes no sense. "How many car lengths should you leave in front of you when driving?" There's no possible way to answer that. A "car length" is not a standardized unit of measure.
   Inspector: Look at the sign.
   Penny: It's "C." Just put down "C."
   Sheldon: I don't need your help, Penny.
   Inspector: Listen to that little girl, honey. Put "C." Next!
   Sheldon: Wait! Hang on. Look... question two: "When are roadways most slippery?" Now, there are 3 answers, none of which are correct. The correct answer is "when covered by a film of liquid sufficient to reduce the coefficient of static friction between the tire and the road to essentially zero, but not so deep as to introduce a new source of friction."
   Inspector: Here's your learner's permit. Go away.
   Sheldon: But I'm not done. I have many additional concerns about these questions.
   Inspector: Don't make me climb over this counter!
   Sheldon: Aced it.


* Leonard: So, what is it you're doing?
   Sheldon: I'm... transcending the situation. I'm clearly too evolved for driving. {...} That's for anthropologists to decide. But I am convinced that the reason I cannot master the plebeian task of driving is because I'm not meant to.



--- Словарик:
latch — пристегнуться
bungee — поручень
Ace — (амер. сл.) получить высшую оценку (на экзамене); сделать отлично, в лучшем виде


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