The Tangerine Factor
Season 2, Episode 1
* Leonard: So you see, what you're eating is not technically yogurt, because it doesn't have enough live acidophilus cultures. It's really just ice milk with carrageenan added for thickness.
Penny: That's very interesting.
Leonard: It's also not pink and has no berries.
Penny: Yeah, but it doesn't really answer my question.
Leonard: What was your question again?
Penny: Do you want some?
* Penny: It's just... this is only our first date.
Leonard: Okay, sure, no problem. Why don't we just figure out where we're going and when we want to get there, and then rate of speed equals distance over time. Solve for R.
Penny: Or we could just wing it.
Leonard: That might work, too.
* Leonard: That woman across the hall is into me.
Howard: Let's go to the tape. Look at her reaction to the good night kiss. No change in respiration, pupils un-dilated, no flushing of the chest.
Rajesh: Nice close-up, by the way.
Sheldon: Interesting. Her jaws are clenched: no tongue access. Clearly a bad sign amongst mating humans.
Leonard: That's not a bad sign.
Sheldon: Please, you might as well have been two iguana with no dewlap enlargement.
Rajesh: And the worst sign of all is you're here and not there.
Leonard: I'm not there because I'm taking things slow, which, by the way, compared to you guys, approaches warp speed.
* Rajesh: He was a lot more fun when he had no hope.
Howard: Give him time.
* Penny: Can I ask you a question?
Sheldon: I would prefer that you not, but I won't go so far as to forbid it.
Penny: All right, I heard yes, so...
* Penny: Has Leonard ever dated, you know, a regular girl?
Sheldon: I assume you're not referring to digestive regularity. Because I've come to learn that such inquiries are inappropriate.
Penny: No, I meant, has he ever been involved with someone who wasn't a brainiac?
Sheldon: A few years ago, he did go out with a woman who had a PhD in French literature.
Penny: How is that not a brainiac?
Sheldon: Well, for one thing, she was French. For another, it was literature.
* Penny: Do you think that if Leonard and I keep dating, he'll eventually get bored with me?
Sheldon: That depends.
Penny: On what?
Sheldon: Do you have a working knowledge of quantum physics? Do you speak Klingon? You know any card tricks?
* Penny: I get it. Leonard has no business being involved with a waitress-slash-actress who felt so insecure that she lied to him about finishing community college.
Sheldon: Why would you lie about that?
Penny: He was going on and on about this college and that grad school, I didn't want him to think I was some kind of stupid loser.
Sheldon: You thought the opposite of "stupid loser" was "community college graduate"?
Penny: You know, there are a lot of successful people in this country who are community college graduates.
Sheldon: Yeah, but you are neither.
* Penny: Okay, this is between you and me. You cannot tell Leonard any of this.
Sheldon: You're asking me to keep a secret? Well, I'm sorry, but you would have had to express that desire before revealing the secret, so I could've chosen if I wanted to accept the covenant of secret keeping. You can't impose a secret on an ex post facto basis.
Penny: What?
Sheldon: Secret keeping is a complicated endeavor. One has to be concerned not only about what one says, but about facial expressions, autonomic reflexes.
* Penny: Okay, look, if Leonard finds out that I lied, I will absolutely die of embarrassment. Physiologically impossible. Sheldon, please. Look, I am asking you as a friend.
Sheldon: So you're saying that friendship contains within it an inherent obligation to maintain confidences?
Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon: Interesting. One more question, and perhaps I should have led with this. When did we become friends?
* Penny: Look, why is it so hard for you to keep one little secret?
Sheldon: I'm constitutionally incapable. That's why I was refused clearance for a prestigious government research fellowship at a secret military supercollider located beneath a fake agricultural station 12.5 miles southeast of Traverse City, Michigan. Which you did not hear about from me.
* Sheldon: Leonard, I'm moving out.
Leonard: What do you mean, you're moving out? Why?
Sheldon: There doesn't have to be a reason.
Leonard: Yeah, there kinda does.
Sheldon: Not necessarily. This is a classic example of Munchausen's Trilemma. Either the reason is predicated on a series of sub-reasons leading to an infinite regression, or it tracks back to arbitrary axiomatic statements, or it's ultimately circular, i.e. I'm moving out because I'm moving out.
Leonard: I'm still confused.
Sheldon: Leonard, I don't see how I could have made it any simpler.
* Howard: We just got back from that exhibit of those plasticized human cadavers. And some of those skinless chicks were hot!
Sheldon: If you'll excuse me, I'm going to pack.
Howard: That's kind of an overreaction to a little harmless necrophilia.
* Leonard: It's not you, Howard. He says he's moving out.
Rajesh: What did you do? Did you change the contrast or brightness settings on the TV? Did you take a Band-Aid off in front of him?
Howard: Did you buy generic ketchup, forget to rinse the sink, talk to him through the bathroom door?
Rajesh: Adjust the thermostat, cook with cilantro, pronounce the "t" in often?
Howard: Did you make fun of trains?
Leonard: No, I didn't do anything. He's just gone insane.
Rajesh: We all knew this day was coming.
* Leonard: Penny thinks I'm too smart for her. That's ridiculous.
Sheldon: I know. Most of your work is extremely derivative. And don't worry, that's not a secret. Everybody knows.
--- Словарик:
carrageenan — карраген, ирландский или жемчужный мох
wing it — (амер. сл.) импровизировать, действовать по наитию или по обстоятельствам
dewlap — подгрудок (животных)
digestive — пищеварительный
regularity — правильность
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