The One with the Blind Dates

Friends 9×14

Rachel: I'll bring her by around 7, okay?
Monica: That's perfect.
Rachel: You guys are gonna have so much fun. She's at such a cute age... A couple things. Now that she eats solid food, she poops around the clock. And watch out for your hair because she likes to grab it. She's also in this phase where if you leave the room, she screams, but, oh... thanks, you guys. Have fun.

Joey: She's this really boring woman. She's a teacher.
Phoebe: A teacher?
Joey: She's into history and foreign movies. Oh, oh. And she loves puzzles. Huh? Come on, who loves puzzles?
Phoebe: Well, Ross does. You're ruining the plan! Joey, you fixed him up with his perfect woman.
Joey: Oh, my God, you're right! She even reads for pleasure!

Chandler: I'm your Uncle Chandler. Funny is all I have!

Monica: Okay, just so you know, I'm gonna be ovulating from tomorrow until the 6th. So don't touch yourself for the next 48 hours.
Chandler: I don't do that-- I'll try to stop.

Monica: How much can she even be aware of at this age?
Chandler: Well, she's aware when we leave a room. She may notice if we start... canoodling in it.
Monica: "Canoodling"?
Chandler: Well, I can't say "hump" or "screw"... in front of the B-A-B-Y.

Monica: Well, that was weird. You were loud and I was fast.

Joey: Because you two were having sex!
Monica: No, we weren't.
Joey: Don't you lie to me. I can tell by Chandler's hair. You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?

Steve: Look... I think I know the answer to this question, but... would you like to make love to me?

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