Back to the Cold War

South Park 25×4

Garrison: Okay, children, let's take our seats. I know there's a lot of things going on and we're all a little bit worried. I've heard some of you express concern over current events, so I think we should discuss what's happening. It is true... Rick and I did get into a fight over the weekend. Now, I don't know what you've heard and what you haven't, but Rick was wrong, okay? He's the one that needs to apologize.
Wendy Testaburger: We're not worried about that. We're all worried about Putin.
Garrison: Putin? It was just a little noise when I pulled out. Nobody was "pootin," okay?

Mr. Mackey: Uh, kids, I need your attention! We're doing an emergency drill this morning, m'kay... M'kay, now, we haven't done these in a long time, but we need to be prepared if the Russians decide to nuke us. Now, when you hear this sound...
— The Russians are nuking us.
Mr. Mackey: Then you need to quickly and calmly get out of your seats and get to the gymnasium, m'kay?
— The Russians are nuking us.
Mr. Mackey: .... The Russians are [BLEEP] nuking us! Go! Go, go, go!
— We're all gonna die!!!

P.C. Principal: Well, Mr. Mackey, this is the seventh drill that we've done in two days. And I see that you also put in the budget for a bomb shelter and 20 VHS copies of "Red Dawn."
Mr. Mackey: VHS is still really the best format when you think about it.
P.C. Principal: Mr. Mackey, I'm starting to worry that this is sort of... nostalgic for you, like you're kind of enjoying this.
Mr. Mackey: Enjoying it?! My job is to have this school ready. Kids need to know what Russia is capable of. Ah-staff meen-ya if pahk-oye.
P.C. Principal: You speak Russian?
Mr. Mackey: No, but I watched "Hunt For Red October" like 200 times.

Butters Stotch: I'll do my best, Dad.
Stephen Stotch: You're gonna have to do better than that, Butters. You see that little Russian kid over there? That kid doesn't give a shit about you. He just wants to win and take what little patriotism our country has left.
Butters Stotch: That kid?
Linda Stotch: You didn't live through the Cold War, Butters, but we did.
Stephen Stotch: This tournament is gonna be turned into a political spectacle, and you have to win. Otherwise, I'm afraid we'll have to give your pony away to communists who slaughter ponies and donkeys to make skin cream. That's mostly the Chinese, but a commie's a commie.
Linda Stotch: Better dead than red, Butters.

Butters Stotch: We need to have a serious talk, Melancholy, and I need you to listen. There's a time to poop, and there's a time to work. And the best thing is to poop when your work is done...

Mama Mackey: Honey... as your mother, I want you to know you can talk to me about whatever you want. Even if it's about being scared of gettin' old.
Mr. Mackey: Things used to be so much simpler, Mama. There was a good guy and a... and a bad guy. And we all... sort of came together and loved our country... Not like it is now.
Mama Mackey: Ohhh, junior. I know that gettin' old isn't so much fun, is it? We all wanna go back to a time when we were younger. You're getting to be around 55. Your pee-pee doesn't work so good, does it?

Mama Mackey: When a man gets to a point where his pee-pee doesn't work the way it used to, he starts to... well, sit in his room and play war games again, you know?

Mama Mackey: But, honey, those times weren't better. We were all scared. People died. That's not something to strive to get back to. .... It... It just felt good 'cause it was familiar. That's just sort of what us old people do. It all comes down to this.

Linda Stotch: What's he doing?
Stephen Stotch: What's he doing?! He's fighting for democracy! Go, Butters!

Mr. Mackey: I just wanna say to the Russians... That if I can change, then yous can change! I know how it is when you're gettin' old, you know, and you start getting aggressive because your dick doesn't work the way it used to.
President Putin: Da... Da...
Mr. Mackey: But just because our dicks don't work doesn't mean we should go back to the way things were.

Mr. Mackey: In the immortal words of Sting... We all share the same biology. Regardless of ideology.

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