Alana: Don't be creepy, please.
Alana: You told me to make it more sexy.
Gary: I told you to make it more sexy, I didn't tell you, "Go over to the guy's house and get in his bed."
Alana: I told you I'm a good actress, Gary. I told you. Don't tell me to make it more sexy, man. If you want it more sexy, I'll make it fucking horny.
Gary: So, just say yes. To whatever she asks you, just say yes. Let's say, if she asks you if you can sing, say yes. If she asks if you can dance, say yes.
Alana: I can sing, and I can dance.
Gary: No, I know. I know. I know. I'm just saying that if she asks you if you can do something that you might not know how to do, just say yes. Because you can always learn how to do something once you get the part. So just say yes to whatever she asks. Whatever she asks, just say yes.
Janice: You have a warm smile, which is very powerful. And you have a very Jewish nose, which is becoming very fashionable.
Janice: Are you athletic? You seem to have a very firm body.
Alana: Yes.
Janice: Do you know how to horseback ride?
Alana: Yes.
Janice: Uh, do you know how to do fencing?
Alana: Yes, I can fence.
Janice: Basketball?
Alana: Yes.
Janice: Baseball?
Alana: Yes.
Janice: Soccer?
Alana: Yes.
Janice: Any other sports or special skills that I should know about?
Alana: I studied Krav Maga.
Janice: Well, I don't know what that is. What is "Quick Draw McGraw"?
Alana: It's martial arts from Israel. It's used in combat. My dad was in the Israeli Army. We all know it.
Janice: So it's a form of karate, let's say?
Alana: It's more like, "How to use a pen to stab someone's eye out."
Janice: You come here trying to be all pretty for me, but really, you remind me... of a dog. Of an English pit bull dog... with sex appeal... and... a very Jewish nose.
Jon Peters: Do you know who I am?
Gary: Yeah.
Jon Peters: Do you know who my girlfriend is?
Gary: Barbra Streisand.
Jon Peters: Barbra "Streisand."
Gary: "Sand."
Jon Peters: "Sand." Yeah, like "sands." Like the ocean, like beaches.
Gary: Barbra Streisand.
Jon Peters: No. "Streisand." "Sand."
Gary: "Streisand."
Jon Peters: "Streisand." "Barbra Streisand."
Gary: "Barbra Streisand."
Jon Peters: Are you fucking with me? All right, let's get past that. Hopefully, you never fucking meet her.
Alana: I'm cooler than you. Don't forget it.
Gary: I don't need you to tell me whether I'm cool or not, old lady.
Alana: What was that?
Gary: I said "milady." I said "milady."
Alana: What was that, then? What was that?
Gary: "My lady." I don't need you to tell me whether I'm cool or not.
Alana: You're not cool, and your breath smells.
Gary: Says you. And you're old.
Matthew: Thank you, Alana. You're very sweet. Do you have a boyfriend?
Alana: Yes and no. I don't know.
Matthew: Is he a shit?
Alana: Yeah. Yeah.
Matthew: Yeah. They're all shits, aren't they?
—
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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