Girls' Night

Resident Alien 2×3

Sheriff Mike Thompson: That's a goddamn it! You need a silver bullet in your ass, you albino-ass werewolf mother...

Asta Twelvetrees: He's an alien!
Deputy Liv Baker: I knew they existed.

Asta Twelvetrees: Okay, Harry... You're still a murderer.
Harry Vanderspeigle: No. I am a murderer murderer. It's very different.
Asta Twelvetrees: You can rationalize your murderer murder all damn day.

Asta Twelvetrees: What is wrong with you? Do you really have no empathy whatsoever?
Harry Vanderspeigle: That is not what is wrong with me. That is what is right with me.

Asta Twelvetrees: Have you not watched enough "Law & Order" to know you don't just throw evidence into a trash can? Who's the idiot now?
Harry Vanderspeigle: Still E.T. Beautiful moron...

Carlyn: Wow. I've never known a guy who was into SDR who wasn't also, like, you know, a troll.
Harry Vanderspeigle: Trolls live under bridges. I am not one of them.
Kate Hawthorne: It means she thinks you're handsome.
Harry Vanderspeigle: I have a handsome human face. And my skin tone is the same as a dead soldier in a Renaissance painting.

D'Arcy Bloom: So can I get you guys some sliders? Day-old buns help disguise the week-old meat.

Kate Hawthorne: We just wanted to show Carlyn the town, and now we have. It took about nine minutes.

Max: Why aren't you looking?
Sahar: It's against my religion to look at the naked back of a man who's not my relative or my husband. Plus, it's disgusting.

Max: Is it gonna hurt?
Sahar: My mom says when she waxes her legs, it feels like being stung by a thousand hornets.
Max: Then why does she do it?
Sahar: Because as soon as we hit puberty, Western culture tells women we're not okay as we are. We must rip out stuff that's supposed to be there, insert stuff that's not supposed to be there, and bleach everything visible to the naked eye.
Max: Hey, being a man is hard, too. I have to brush my teeth sometimes.
Sahar: I take it back. I don't feel bad anymore...
Max: AAH!!!

Mayor Ben Hawthorne: Miguel... my belle.

Sheriff Mike Thompson: Okay. All right, look, here's what I want you to do. Here go $5. Now, I want you to go down to the mall. All right, you know that kiosk where they'll write your name on a grain of rice? Right, you're gonna give that guy that $5. He gonna write your note on the end of a bullet, right? Now, I want you to take that bullet. I want you to put it in a gun and go home and stand in your bathtub. Now, you also gonna need a phone book... Not something thin like Patience, something with some girth like... like Denver, right? And you gonna put that phone book up against one side of your head, and you gonna take that gun and put it against the other side, right? And then you're gonna shoot you right in the head, and that bullet's gonna fly right through and lodge itself right around the D's, for dumbass. And she'll get your note.
Mayor Ben Hawthorne: But I'm dead.
Sheriff Mike Thompson: You tell her, you dead anyway.

Asta Twelvetrees: You... you can't just use people like that. It's cruel.
Harry Vanderspeigle: I am giving her compliments. She is happy like a baby, like a stupid, happy baby.

Deputy Liv Baker: It's a superpower... not caring what anyone thinks.

Asta Twelvetrees: Harry?...
Harry Vanderspeigle: You have to come with me to New Mexico, but, first, can you teach me how to pee?

Asta Twelvetrees: No, no, no, no, no, do not put this on me. I would never tell you to take over a woman's body without her consent.

Harry Vanderspeigle: I think it got my bra size wrong. The wire leaves dents in my skin.
Asta Twelvetrees: Yeah, well, wait until you put on a thong.

Harry Vanderspeigle: She likes long naps. And it is better than being awake for her real life.

Harry Vanderspeigle: He will not bother her again.
Asta Twelvetrees: What did you do?
Harry Vanderspeigle: The same thing you would have done... if you had the strength of six gorillas.

Harry Vanderspeigle: It is awful being short.
Asta Twelvetrees: Harry, that's not because she's short. That's being a woman. Welcome to our world.
You mean you all feel the eyes hunting you like a baby deer in the woods, just walking down the street?

Asta Twelvetrees: You know, next time a woman tries to tell you something, sit down, shut up, and listen. And if you feel the need to say anything, all it needs to be is, "Yes, ma'am."

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