The Holiday Summation

The Big Bang Theory 10×12

& Penny: It’s Bernadette. She says they’re running late. «The baby threw up on Howard, and then Howard threw up on Howard.»
    Leonard: Well, he didn’t throw up on the baby. That’s a win.

& Penny: How was Texas?
    Sheldon: Oh, you know. The Lone Star state. Hmm. That should be its Yelp rating.

& Amy: Well, she likes me. You know, there’s a chance she might be okay with it.
    Sheldon: Eh, I don’t know. I am her precious little boy. And you did take my flower...
    Penny: ... Do boys have flowers?

& Mary: You start changing the words to the prayers, next thing you know, you’re in a church with a guitar.

& Amy: Well, uh, Howard and Bernadette had their baby.
    Mary: Oh, that’s wonderful! Now, have they decided to raise it Jewish or regular?
    Sheldon: ... Welcome to Texas.

& Sheldon: All right. This is on you. Amy and I are living together in sin, like a couple of New Yorkers.

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& Sheldon: What... Where’s the judgment? W-Where’s the fire and brimstone? Where’s the part where you tell us we’re going to Hell and I say have you seen the size of the bugs outside? We’re already there!

& Mary: Sheldon, if you’re trying to prove me wrong, the tighty-whities on your head ain’t changing my mind.

& Penny: Leonard?.. There’s something on the windshield.

& Penny: Leonard?.. There’s a tree on you.

& Leonard: By the way, if anyone asks... the elevator shaft always had a tree in it.

& Bernadette: Oh, please stop crying, I’m begging you! I don’t know what else to do!

& Bernadette: My boobs are empty. Do you want lasagna?

& Bernadette: What have we done?

& Howard: Superhero baby wipes, the perfect way to clean up crime... and tushies.

& Sheldon: So how does the story end? Is the baby a jerk or is Bernadette a bad mother?
    Amy: Sheldon!
    Sheldon: W-What? Is there another twist coming? Is the baby not theirs at all?

& Bernadette: How can she hate me? I make her food in my chest! It’s like hating a frozen yogurt machine!

& Howard: Forgot the baby. Still new to this.

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+ quotes on the IMDb