You're All Going to Diet

The Last Man on Earth 3×3

& Phil: I did all the tests. The breathing test. The tickling test. The kicking test. And all of them came back positive for death.

& Phil: Oh, no, you definitely killed him. It’s just, he may be alive now.

& Phil: Had to do it. BT... bad timing.

& Phil: Look, you guys know that I’m known for my rational thinking, right?

& Carol: What do you need, Tandy?
    Phil: Just wanted to tell you you look wonderful today.
    Carol: That kind of talk is grounds for a kiss.
    Phil: Punishment accepted.
    Carol: I’m gonna give it to you.

& Melissa: Don’t move!
    Lewis: Ah!
    Melissa: Oh, hey, Lewis! Did I scare you?
    Lewis: Yes, very much so.

& Melissa: Puff. Brain stem shot.
    Lewis: Brain stem shot?
    Melissa: Base of the brain. One shot, threat over. And this nest here gives me, uh, great brain stem possibilities from every angle.

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& Carol: You know, it was just a classic «turn the frown upside down» deal. Here, I’ll show you. .... And rather than get rid of all the angry messages, I thought maybe we should reclaim them, like, you know, how you turn sewage water into delicious drinking water. So, instead of, «We’re all going to die,» I wrote, «We’re all going to diet.»

& Gail: Are we allowed to boo throughout your little speech, or do you want us to just hold all our boos to the very end?

& Phil: Lewis... trust me.

& Carol: If anyone comes into the house, they will be unable to locate and murder the cow. I call it «cow-moo-flage.»

& Melissa: It’s... basically just a bunch of axes around the house... pretty self-explanatory. There’s one over here. So, what you do is you just take the ax, swing it through the person. And then wipe off the blood and... put it back in its station.

& Phil: Lewis, it might be easy for you to just pack up and leave, ’cause you just got here, like, five days ago. But we’ve been here for a long time. This place is part of who we are, you know? This is our home.
    We’ve laughed here. We’ve cried here. We’ve fallen in love, we’ve experienced the miracle of life and the pain of sickness. You know? We’ve buried friends. And somehow, against all odds, we became a family here.
    It’s gonna take a lot more than a couple friggin’ land mines to make us leave it...
    Melissa: I would avoid that area!

& Carol: I think I already know the answer to this, but I got to ask. Can we bring Cher? No, right? Never mind. Delete.

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