The Elephant in the Room

The Last Man on Earth 1×2

& Carol: Oh, God, how long have I been talking?
    Phil: Uh, like, you know, 45 minutes. But it’s fine, it’s fine.

& Phil: Well, you know, it’s not something I’m super-proud of.
    Carol: You mean not something of which you are super-proud.
    Phil: Yeah... Were you an English teacher?
    Carol: No, I was an office manager at a hot sauce bottling company.
    Phil: Sounds like a spicy job.
    Carol: No, it... I didn’t work with the spices. I was filing.
    Phil: .....

& Carol: Uh, oh. That was a stop sign.
    Phil: Y-yeah, it was.
    Carol: You just went right through it.
    Phil: Uh, y-yes, I did.
    Carol: Well, could you do me a flavor and stop at the next one?

& Carol: I can’t wait to see your house. They say a person’s home is a reflection of their soul...

& Carol: Phil, what are these?
    Phil: Uh...
    Carol: And those and those and that?
    Phil: They are... magazines.
    Carol: Oh. What kind of magazines?
    Phil: Well, they are... Masturbatory magazines.

& Carol: I’m just saying that if you diverted a small percentage of your masturbation energy towards fixing the water problem, you might be going potty in a toilet right now.

& Carol: Remember how I said your home was a reflection of your soul? Well, I’m cleaning up your soul.

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& Carol: Phil, you can’t just be playing with your Yenga all day.

& Phil: Look all around you. Everything you see right now is a parking spot.
Carol: You’re a parking spot.
    Phil: Yes, I am! Now you’re getting it. The whole freaking world is a parking spot now. It’s one of the only benefits of our situation.

& Phil: This woman is just a turd... Maybe I’m being too harsh. At times she’s almost kind of cute. Then she opens her mouth, and it just sucks.

& Carol: How much longer are we gonna dance around this?
    Phil: Dance around what?
    Carol: The reason we both survived... our purpose. We were chosen.
    Phil: W-would you just say what you’re trying to say?
    Carol: Repopulation, you dumb donkey! Something we have to do! Together!

& Phil: Carol, no disrespect here, but have you ever heard the phrase, «I wouldn’t have sex with you if you were the last person on earth»?

& Carol: Oh, I would rather eat a cat. And I love cats. And the thought of killing a cat and then eating its little furry body... like, that’s how I feel about making love to you.

& Carol: Ah! Son of a bee sting!

& Carol: This is really nice. You showed a lot of chutzpah today, Phil. And it made me think that maybe God does want us to lay together.
    Phil: Erm... Okay.

& Carol: I’m not gonna have sex with you unless we’re married.

& Phil: WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?! IT’S TOMATO! IT’S TOMATO!

& Carol: We’re getting married! Yay!

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On the IMDb