& Joshua: This is a simple story... but not an easy one to tell.
& Guido: What a place here! Pigeons fly, women fall from the sky. I’m moving here!
& Oreste: Hard, hard times!
Guido: They’re hard times? Why, what are your political views?
Oreste: Benito! Adolph! Be good! What did you say?
Guido: I said, how are things going? Good-bye, then.
& Guido: 45 degrees, even 50, 55. 90 degrees. A right angle. 180. How far do I bow down? 180 degrees? Like this?
Uncle Eliseo: Think of a sunflower. They bow to the sun. But if you see some that are too bowed down... it means they’re dead!
& Uncle Eliseo: You’re serving. You’re not a servant. Serving is a supreme art. God is the first servant. God serves men but he’s not a servant to men.
& Guido: Were you sleeping?
Ferruccio: Of course I was.
Guido: You fell asleep while talking to me! How did you do that?
Ferruccio: Schopenhauer.
Guido: Who?
Ferruccio: Schopenhauer says that with willpower, you can do anything. «I am what I want to be.» Right now I want to sleep, so I was saying to myself... «I’m sleeping, sleeping,» and I fell asleep.
& Guido: I forgot to tell you.
Dora: Go ahead.
Guido: You can’t imagine how much I feel like making love to you. But I’ll never tell anyone, especially not you. They’d have to torture me to make me say it.
Dora: Say what?
Guido: That I want to make love to you — not just once, but over and over again! But I’ll never tell you that. I’d have to be crazy to tell you. I’d even make love to you now... right here for the rest of my life.
& Guido: Is that your horse? What a sight! What did they write on him? «Achtung, Jewish horse.»
Uncle Eliseo: The usual barbarians, vandals. It’s sad. What nonsense. «Jewish horse»!
Guido: Don’t get upset. They just did it to—
Uncle Eliseo: They didn’t do it «to.» They did it «to.» You’ll have to get used to it, Guido. They’ll start with you too.
Guido: With me? What could possibly happen to me? The worst they can do is undress me, paint me yellow and write... «Achtung, Jewish waiter...» I didn’t even know this horse was Jewish.
& School Principal: Imagine that! Third grade. Listen to this problem. I remember it because it shocked me. A lunatic costs the state four marks a day. A cripple, four and a half marks. An epileptic, three marks and a half. Considering that the average is four marks a day... and there are 300,000 patients, how much would the state save... if these individuals were eliminated?
Dora: I can’t believe this!
School Principal: That was my exact reaction. I can’t believe a seven-year-old child... has to solve this kind of equation. It’s a difficult calculation. Proportions, percentages. They need at least some algebra to do those equations. That’s high school material for us.
Rodolfo: No, all it takes is multiplication. You said there are 300,000 cripples? 300,000 times four. If we killed them all, we’d save 1 ,200,000 marks a day. It’s easy!
School Principal: Exactly! Bravo. But you’re an adult. They make seven-year-old children do this in Germany! It’s truly another race.
& Joshua: «No Jews or Dogs Allowed.» Why do all the shops say, «No Jews Allowed»?
Guido: Oh, that. «Not Allowed» signs are the latest trend! The other day, I was in a shop with my friend the kangaroo, but their sign said, «No Kangaroos Allowed,» and I said to my friend, «Well, what can I do? They don’t allow kangaroos.»
Joshua: Why doesn’t our shop have a «Not Allowed» sign?
Guido: Well, tomorrow, we’ll put one up. We won’t let in anything we don’t like. What don’t you like?
Joshua: Spiders.
Guido: Good. I don’t like Visigoths. Tomorrow, we’ll get sign: «No Spiders or Visigoths Allowed.»
& Joshua: How many points did we get today?
Guido: Fifty. Forty-eight. They took two points away from me because... I tripped while I was... playing hopscotch. We... Laughed like crazy today! I died laughing! Boy, did I have fun! I can’t wait to start all over again tomorrow! Hopscotch, tug-of-war and ring-around-the-rosy. Every game. I don’t even remember all of them. «You guys are obsessed! Stop! I’m tired!» I said.
& Joshua: They make buttons and soap out of us.
Guido: What are you saying?
Joshua: They burn us all in the oven.
Guido: Who told you that?
Joshua: A man was crying. He said they make buttons and soap out of us.
Guido: You fell for that? Again? I thought you were a sharp boy— cunning, intelligent. Buttons and soap out of people? That’ll be the day! You believed that? Just imagine. Tomorrow morning, I wash my hands with Bartolomeo... a good scrub. Then I’ll button up with Francesco. Darn it all! Look! I just lost Giorgio! Does this look like a person? Come on! They were teasing you! And you fell for it!
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& Guido: What a place here! Pigeons fly, women fall from the sky. I’m moving here!
& Oreste: Hard, hard times!
Guido: They’re hard times? Why, what are your political views?
Oreste: Benito! Adolph! Be good! What did you say?
Guido: I said, how are things going? Good-bye, then.
& Guido: 45 degrees, even 50, 55. 90 degrees. A right angle. 180. How far do I bow down? 180 degrees? Like this?
Uncle Eliseo: Think of a sunflower. They bow to the sun. But if you see some that are too bowed down... it means they’re dead!
& Uncle Eliseo: You’re serving. You’re not a servant. Serving is a supreme art. God is the first servant. God serves men but he’s not a servant to men.
& Guido: Were you sleeping?
Ferruccio: Of course I was.
Guido: You fell asleep while talking to me! How did you do that?
Ferruccio: Schopenhauer.
Guido: Who?
Ferruccio: Schopenhauer says that with willpower, you can do anything. «I am what I want to be.» Right now I want to sleep, so I was saying to myself... «I’m sleeping, sleeping,» and I fell asleep.
& Guido: I forgot to tell you.
Dora: Go ahead.
Guido: You can’t imagine how much I feel like making love to you. But I’ll never tell anyone, especially not you. They’d have to torture me to make me say it.
Dora: Say what?
Guido: That I want to make love to you — not just once, but over and over again! But I’ll never tell you that. I’d have to be crazy to tell you. I’d even make love to you now... right here for the rest of my life.
& Guido: Is that your horse? What a sight! What did they write on him? «Achtung, Jewish horse.»
Uncle Eliseo: The usual barbarians, vandals. It’s sad. What nonsense. «Jewish horse»!
Guido: Don’t get upset. They just did it to—
Uncle Eliseo: They didn’t do it «to.» They did it «to.» You’ll have to get used to it, Guido. They’ll start with you too.
Guido: With me? What could possibly happen to me? The worst they can do is undress me, paint me yellow and write... «Achtung, Jewish waiter...» I didn’t even know this horse was Jewish.
& School Principal: Imagine that! Third grade. Listen to this problem. I remember it because it shocked me. A lunatic costs the state four marks a day. A cripple, four and a half marks. An epileptic, three marks and a half. Considering that the average is four marks a day... and there are 300,000 patients, how much would the state save... if these individuals were eliminated?
Dora: I can’t believe this!
School Principal: That was my exact reaction. I can’t believe a seven-year-old child... has to solve this kind of equation. It’s a difficult calculation. Proportions, percentages. They need at least some algebra to do those equations. That’s high school material for us.
Rodolfo: No, all it takes is multiplication. You said there are 300,000 cripples? 300,000 times four. If we killed them all, we’d save 1 ,200,000 marks a day. It’s easy!
School Principal: Exactly! Bravo. But you’re an adult. They make seven-year-old children do this in Germany! It’s truly another race.
& Joshua: «No Jews or Dogs Allowed.» Why do all the shops say, «No Jews Allowed»?
Guido: Oh, that. «Not Allowed» signs are the latest trend! The other day, I was in a shop with my friend the kangaroo, but their sign said, «No Kangaroos Allowed,» and I said to my friend, «Well, what can I do? They don’t allow kangaroos.»
Joshua: Why doesn’t our shop have a «Not Allowed» sign?
Guido: Well, tomorrow, we’ll put one up. We won’t let in anything we don’t like. What don’t you like?
Joshua: Spiders.
Guido: Good. I don’t like Visigoths. Tomorrow, we’ll get sign: «No Spiders or Visigoths Allowed.»
& Joshua: How many points did we get today?
Guido: Fifty. Forty-eight. They took two points away from me because... I tripped while I was... playing hopscotch. We... Laughed like crazy today! I died laughing! Boy, did I have fun! I can’t wait to start all over again tomorrow! Hopscotch, tug-of-war and ring-around-the-rosy. Every game. I don’t even remember all of them. «You guys are obsessed! Stop! I’m tired!» I said.
& Joshua: They make buttons and soap out of us.
Guido: What are you saying?
Joshua: They burn us all in the oven.
Guido: Who told you that?
Joshua: A man was crying. He said they make buttons and soap out of us.
Guido: You fell for that? Again? I thought you were a sharp boy— cunning, intelligent. Buttons and soap out of people? That’ll be the day! You believed that? Just imagine. Tomorrow morning, I wash my hands with Bartolomeo... a good scrub. Then I’ll button up with Francesco. Darn it all! Look! I just lost Giorgio! Does this look like a person? Come on! They were teasing you! And you fell for it!
--
+ quotes on the IMDb
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