I'd Like to Start with the Cat

Two and a Half Men 6×15

& Charlie: Oh, Chelsea, come on. How much do I need to know about you other than I’m crazy about you?
    Chelsea: It’s not that you don’t know. It’s that you don’t care.
    Charlie: I do care. I just don’t pay close attention.

& Jake: No cookies? What the hell is going on around here?
    Alan: Hey, watch your mouth.
    Jake: I am watching it. It’s empty. I need dessert... Son of a bitch.
    Alan: Jake!
    Jake: Frozen peas? What am I gonna do with frozen peas?
    Alan: Well, if you want dessert, have an apple.
    Jake: ... It’s not funny, dad!

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& Charlie: I’ve been gaining a little weight for some reason. Maybe ’cause I haven’t been sleeping well.
    Dr. Freeman: Yeah, that’s probably it.
    Charlie: Oh, and this one girl I’ve been seeing pretty regularly decided to dump me.
    Dr. Freeman: Huh.
    Charlie: “Huh,” what?
    Dr. Freeman: Oh, nothing, it’s just... sometimes I feel like I’m stealing your money.

& Chelsea: What are you drinking?
    Charlie: Chocolate caramel frappuccino with whipped cream and sprinkles. My nephew turned me on to it.

& Dr. Freeman: Would you be willing to commit to Chelsea that maybe once a week, twice a month, you do something together completely outside your comfort zone?
    Charlie: Done. No problem.
    Chelsea: So, we could go to the ballet, the opera, visit my parents, hang out with my brother, go hiking with my friends?
    Charlie: I was thinking more like renting a chick flick and ordering Italian.
    Chelsea: This is hopeless.
    Charlie: No, no, no, no, there’s hope. There’s always hope. Keep hope alive.

& Dr. Freeman: Charlie, can I give you my opinion as your therapist?
    Charlie: Sure.
    Dr. Freeman: Shut up.

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+ quotes on the IMDb