The Parking Spot Escalation

The Big Bang Theory 6×9

& Leonard: Your hypothesis is completely dis-confirmed by all the data.
    Raj: You’re just clinging to it out of intellectual stubbornness.
    Leonard: No, you’re displaying a shocking ignorance of the subject matter. Mummies and zombies are the exact same thing.
    Raj: Oh, yeah?
    Leonard: Mummies are wrapped in bandages.
    Raj: That’s called a fashion choice.
    Leonard: All right, you brought this on yourself... Sheldon, get him.
    Sheldon: If a zombie bites you, you turn into a zombie. However, if a mummy bites you, all you turn into is some schmo with a mummy bite. So, like a zombie, that’s been eaten from the waist down, you, sir, have no leg to stand on.
    Leonard: Good boy. Here’s a cookie.

& Howard: Hey, fellas, what’s going on?
    Leonard: Mummies and zombies again.
    Howard: Oh, they’re not the same thing.
    Leonard: You get a cookie, too.

& Raj: Why do you have a parking spot? You don’t have a car. You don’t even drive.
    Sheldon: It doesn’t matter. That’s my spot.
    Raj: Maybe they reassigned it because you never use it...
    Sheldon: Well, I’m not using my nipples, either. Maybe they should reassign those.

& Howard: You still don’t have a car.
    Sheldon: Don’t try to change the subject. This is about a parking space. It has nothing to do with cars.
    Howard: Are you listening to yourself?
    Sheldon: I always listen to myself. It’s one of the great joys of my life.

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& Sheldon: No, no, this is a slippery slope, Leonard. It starts with a parking space. Where does it end?.. It’s like my dad always said, “First they say you can’t drink and drive. Next thing you know, you can’t let your 10-year-old take the wheel while you sleep one off in the backseat.”
    Leonard: All that story does is make me feel bad for your mother.

& Sheldon: Leonard, you’re my best friend. Why don’t you ever take my side?
    Leonard: Because I can never understand your side!

& Sheldon: Payback... it truly is the B word, isn’t it?

& Bernadette: We’re so proud of you, Amy... Your first bikini wax!

& Sheldon should just let Howard have his little moment in the sun...
    Bernadette: What’s that supposed to mean?
    Amy: Well, Howard’s never gonna go to space again, but Sheldon will always be a genius.

& Bernadette: I’m sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because, like Sheldon’s work, your sex life is also theoretical?
    Penny: ............... Damn.
    Amy: Yeah, well, at least when we do make love, Sheldon won’t be thinking about his mother. And yes, that is a cleverly veiled reference to Howard’s lifelong obsession to crawl back into her spacious womb.

& Bernadette: I don’t have to take this! I’m gonna go home and have sex with my husband right now. Maybe I’ll let him do it to me in the parking spot. Which sounds dirty, but I didn’t mean it that way!

& Raj: Okay, here’s another one: If a zombie bites a vampire, and the vampire bites a human, does the human become a vampire or a zombie?.. Or a zompire?

& Sheldon: He’s in my spot! Leonard, make him stop being naked in my spot.
    Leonard: Howard, what are you doing?
    Howard: He wasn’t using it. And I needed a nice cool piece of leather... to wiggle my naked ass on.

& Howard: Can you believe this guy?
    Leonard: What I don’t believe is that you tried to run him over.
    Howard: Oh, like you’ve never thought of doing that. Don’t hate me just because I lived the dream.

& Sheldon: You know what they say? Revenge is a dish best served nude.

& Sheldon: This is an authentic Chinese throwing star, and I must warn you, I have seen many people throw them in movies.

& Sheldon: If you’re interested, I’m selling this. It’s only two years old, 16 gigabytes of RAM, Intel core, i7 processor, and I can personally guarantee it has spent less than 20 minutes resting on an astronaut’s penis.

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On the IMDb