& Finn: Imagine you were a heroin addict... People tie them up and keep them captive all the time. Think of it as going cold turkey. I mean, what you have is a disease. And I’m going to find a cure and when I do, we’ll look back on this and laugh.
& Finn: I am trying really hard to make this relationship work!.. Do you need the toilet before I go?
& Rudy: When I say hers, have you ever shagged an homeless girl?
Curtis: No.
Rudy: It’s like camping. Honestly, it reminded me of being a boy scout, looking up at the night sky, all the twinkling stars there... Well, she... Oh, she sat on my face.
& Rudy: Can I stay at yours for an indefinite period of time, rent free, please?
& Curtis: Maybe he was trying to hang himself.
Finn: Why would I try and hang myself?
Rudy: Because you are short. Don’t do it.
& Greg: This is a sculpting class for the blind. And you... God help them... will be their models.
& Curtis: There ain’t no law against shagging beautiful blind girls.
& Rudy: Settle it like gentlemen.
Curtis: And how’s that?
Rudy: A game of Penis-Scissors-Twat.
Finn: Is that like Paper-Scissors-Stone?
Rudy: They stole that from me.
& Jess: Can you please stop saying vagina?
Finn: What do you call yours?
& Rudy: Best out of three. One, two, three! That’s the vagina, swallowing your scissors!
& Jess: He is fucking gorgeous.
Rudy: Woah! Please! I find your objectification of men more than a little offensive.
& Rudy: I thought we really had a bit of a will-they-won’t-they, yeah-they-probably-will sort of thing going on.
& Jess: Are you actually mentally ill?
Rudy: I could be. Is that your thing?
& Rudy: Invite me in, you prick!
Finn: You’re not invited!
Rudy: I’m inviting me.
Finn: I’m uninviting you.
Rudy: I’m reinviting me.
Finn: Get off! Get off me. You’re on me!
Rudy: Thank you. Invitation accepted.
& Rudy: The early bird catches the worm.
& Curtis: He shits in a bucket?!
Rudy: Well, more to the point... what if it isn’t his shit?
& Greg: Are you questioning me? You don’t get to question me because as far as you’re concerned, I am God. And you know what happens when you fuck with God. There is an almighty shitstorm.
& Rudy: Ebony and ivory. Why can’t we all just stick together? In perfect harmony!
& Other-Rudy: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Rudy: I believe I am, yeah. He is keeping a talking dog prisoner.
& Finn: I know it looks bad, keeping someone a prisoner like that, tying them up and making them shit in a bucket, but it’s not what you think.
& Finn: She’s got a power. She can make me into a perfect boyfriend. Whatever she said, whatever she told me to do, I did it. I stopped drinking, I stopped going out with my mates. All I cared about was making her happy, endless presents and flowers and pampering, the conversations. We had to discuss everything. My jaw physically ached from all the talking. That... and the hours of cunnilingus. I practically lived with my face between her thighs. Some days I felt like I didn’t see the sun.
Rudy: Oh, man, that is just... There’s no man that could live like that.
& Rudy: You should probably know that the other me, he’s gone round your flat and he’s breaking into the room where you’ve got your girlfriend all tied up. You know... I thought it was a talking dog, me, haha!
& Robot voice: ’Help, I’m in here.’
Other-Rudy: Are you a talking dog?
& Robot voice: ’We all die alone.’
& Finn: I don’t know what to do.
Rudy: Hmm? Oh, come on! Look on the bright side. In the not too distant future, I’m pretty sure I am going to be having sex with a beautiful blind girl.
& Rudy: Oh! It’s a tragedy you’ve never seen them!
Ally: Fuck me!
Rudy: I will fuck you... in the words of Lionel Richie... “All night long.”
& Rudy: No, no, no. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t. What is all this about you being a racist?
Ally: Oh... it’s just how I feel. ... I’m not going to change my beliefs for a shag!
Rudy: All right. Well, that’s a shame, because I will not leave my cock in a racist vagina. Yeah, I’m a man of principle, love.
& Ally: Are you using Clingfilm from a bowl of dog food as a condom?
Rudy: No, I am not using Clingfilm from a bowl of dog food as a condom!
& Jess: If the only way you two can make it work is either her using her power on you, or you keeping her tied up and making her shit in a bucket, you’re probably not meant for each other.
& Rudy: Nipples... Little pink devils.
& Sadie: You never listened. I only used my power on you because I had to!
Finn: I’m a man! I’ve got testicles and free will! I’m sorry if that offends you!
& Finn: It’s my flat!
Sadie: Your flat? I found it! I paid the deposit and the rent. I decorated it and cleaned it. I found all the furniture. I made it into our home. What did you do?!
Finn: Provided the humour?
& Jess: So why does she think you’re a cunt, apart from the obvious?
& Curtis: It must have been the guide dog who told her I was black...
Rudy: A racist, telepathic guide dog.
& Jess: It’s pretty amazing that they can do that.
Rudy: Maybe a bit too amazing. I reckon some of them are faking it, you know.
Curtis: Why would anyone fake being blind?
Rudy: For the parking. That’s one, think about it...
& Lola: I’m a trainee probation worker.
& Jess: Every woman you see, they’re just a hole into which you can potentially insert your penis.
Rudy: Three! There’s three bloody holes into which I could potentially insert me penis.
Jess: How do we even belong to the same species?
Rudy: As one wise twat once said, men are from Mars, and women... love penis.
Jess: It’s “from Venus”.
Rudy: Cha! Spot the lesbian.
--
On the IMDb
Such a soundtrack.
& Finn: I am trying really hard to make this relationship work!.. Do you need the toilet before I go?
& Rudy: When I say hers, have you ever shagged an homeless girl?
Curtis: No.
Rudy: It’s like camping. Honestly, it reminded me of being a boy scout, looking up at the night sky, all the twinkling stars there... Well, she... Oh, she sat on my face.
& Rudy: Can I stay at yours for an indefinite period of time, rent free, please?
& Curtis: Maybe he was trying to hang himself.
Finn: Why would I try and hang myself?
Rudy: Because you are short. Don’t do it.
& Greg: This is a sculpting class for the blind. And you... God help them... will be their models.
& Curtis: There ain’t no law against shagging beautiful blind girls.
& Rudy: Settle it like gentlemen.
Curtis: And how’s that?
Rudy: A game of Penis-Scissors-Twat.
Finn: Is that like Paper-Scissors-Stone?
Rudy: They stole that from me.
& Jess: Can you please stop saying vagina?
Finn: What do you call yours?
& Rudy: Best out of three. One, two, three! That’s the vagina, swallowing your scissors!
& Jess: He is fucking gorgeous.
Rudy: Woah! Please! I find your objectification of men more than a little offensive.
& Rudy: I thought we really had a bit of a will-they-won’t-they, yeah-they-probably-will sort of thing going on.
& Jess: Are you actually mentally ill?
Rudy: I could be. Is that your thing?
& Rudy: Invite me in, you prick!
Finn: You’re not invited!
Rudy: I’m inviting me.
Finn: I’m uninviting you.
Rudy: I’m reinviting me.
Finn: Get off! Get off me. You’re on me!
Rudy: Thank you. Invitation accepted.
& Rudy: The early bird catches the worm.
& Curtis: He shits in a bucket?!
Rudy: Well, more to the point... what if it isn’t his shit?
& Greg: Are you questioning me? You don’t get to question me because as far as you’re concerned, I am God. And you know what happens when you fuck with God. There is an almighty shitstorm.
& Rudy: Ebony and ivory. Why can’t we all just stick together? In perfect harmony!
& Other-Rudy: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Rudy: I believe I am, yeah. He is keeping a talking dog prisoner.
& Finn: I know it looks bad, keeping someone a prisoner like that, tying them up and making them shit in a bucket, but it’s not what you think.
& Finn: She’s got a power. She can make me into a perfect boyfriend. Whatever she said, whatever she told me to do, I did it. I stopped drinking, I stopped going out with my mates. All I cared about was making her happy, endless presents and flowers and pampering, the conversations. We had to discuss everything. My jaw physically ached from all the talking. That... and the hours of cunnilingus. I practically lived with my face between her thighs. Some days I felt like I didn’t see the sun.
Rudy: Oh, man, that is just... There’s no man that could live like that.
& Rudy: You should probably know that the other me, he’s gone round your flat and he’s breaking into the room where you’ve got your girlfriend all tied up. You know... I thought it was a talking dog, me, haha!
& Robot voice: ’Help, I’m in here.’
Other-Rudy: Are you a talking dog?
& Robot voice: ’We all die alone.’
& Finn: I don’t know what to do.
Rudy: Hmm? Oh, come on! Look on the bright side. In the not too distant future, I’m pretty sure I am going to be having sex with a beautiful blind girl.
& Rudy: Oh! It’s a tragedy you’ve never seen them!
Ally: Fuck me!
Rudy: I will fuck you... in the words of Lionel Richie... “All night long.”
& Rudy: No, no, no. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t. What is all this about you being a racist?
Ally: Oh... it’s just how I feel. ... I’m not going to change my beliefs for a shag!
Rudy: All right. Well, that’s a shame, because I will not leave my cock in a racist vagina. Yeah, I’m a man of principle, love.
& Ally: Are you using Clingfilm from a bowl of dog food as a condom?
Rudy: No, I am not using Clingfilm from a bowl of dog food as a condom!
& Jess: If the only way you two can make it work is either her using her power on you, or you keeping her tied up and making her shit in a bucket, you’re probably not meant for each other.
& Rudy: Nipples... Little pink devils.
& Sadie: You never listened. I only used my power on you because I had to!
Finn: I’m a man! I’ve got testicles and free will! I’m sorry if that offends you!
& Finn: It’s my flat!
Sadie: Your flat? I found it! I paid the deposit and the rent. I decorated it and cleaned it. I found all the furniture. I made it into our home. What did you do?!
Finn: Provided the humour?
& Jess: So why does she think you’re a cunt, apart from the obvious?
& Curtis: It must have been the guide dog who told her I was black...
Rudy: A racist, telepathic guide dog.
& Jess: It’s pretty amazing that they can do that.
Rudy: Maybe a bit too amazing. I reckon some of them are faking it, you know.
Curtis: Why would anyone fake being blind?
Rudy: For the parking. That’s one, think about it...
& Lola: I’m a trainee probation worker.
& Jess: Every woman you see, they’re just a hole into which you can potentially insert your penis.
Rudy: Three! There’s three bloody holes into which I could potentially insert me penis.
Jess: How do we even belong to the same species?
Rudy: As one wise twat once said, men are from Mars, and women... love penis.
Jess: It’s “from Venus”.
Rudy: Cha! Spot the lesbian.
--
On the IMDb
Such a soundtrack.
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