The Herb Garden Germination*
Season 4, Episode 20
& Amy: Say, I heard an interesting tidbit* about Howard and Bernadette...
Sheldon: Really, Amy? Gossip? I’m disappointed in you.
Amy: Now, now. Evolutionary biologist Robin Dunbar has identified gossip as an aid to social bonding in large groups.
Sheldon: Forgive my language, but “poppycock*.”
Amy: What if he’s right?.. And by not participating in gossip, society breaks down into small feral bands of tattooed motorcycle riders fighting to the death over the last few cans of tuna fish?
Sheldon: Fine. In the parlance of the urban music scene, “what’s the 4-1-1”*?
Amy: ... Bernadette is thinking about breaking up with Howard.
Sheldon: I believe our nation’s tuna cans are safe.
& Sheldon: Excuse me. Dr. Greene, question? You’ve dedicated your life’s work to educating the general populace about complex scientific ideas.
Dr. Green: Yes, in part.
Sheldon: Have you ever considered trying to do something useful?.. Perhaps, reading to the elderly?
Dr. Green: Excuse me?
Sheldon: Yeah, but not your books; something they might enjoy. I kid, of course. Big fan.
& Sheldon: What do you think you’re doing?
Leonard: Shooting at a target?
Sheldon: With what? ... I didn’t see you draw arrow from your quiver.
Leonard: I’m not going to do that, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Leonard, the people at Nintendo can only go so far in helping us recreate an actual athletic experience. We have to do our part, too.
& Sheldon: I had an unusual experience with Amy last night.
Leonard: Really? How could you tell?
& Leonard: Priya, can I come in?
Priya: Sure.
Leonard: Oh, God!
Priya: What?!
Leonard: It’s okay. You didn’t know. I’ll take care of it.
Priya: What-what did I do?
Leonard: Sheldon doesn’t allow flossing that close to the mirror. ... It’s a splatter thing. There’s a little piece of tape on the floor you’re supposed to stand behind.
Priya: That’s madness.
Leonard: I know. Just do it. There’s a big inspection coming up, and I don’t want to lose my TV privileges.
& Leonard: Dodgers are baseball, right?
Priya: You’ll need to explain the game to me.
Leonard: Mm, it’s complicated. But as I remember it, the essentials are “get chosen last, get hit by the ball, cry, go home.”
& Priya: I was thinking we can bring Bernadette and Howard. She’s really interesting, and I bet I can get used to him.
& Leonard: Don’t tell anybody I told you, but I heard she might be breaking up with him.
Priya: Oh... too bad... Although I do know one person for whom that’s good news.
Leonard: Really? Who?
Priya: My brother. He’s got a big crush on Bernadette.
Leonard: What?! You’re kidding.
Priya: No. I found poems he wrote about her. Very disturbing. “Oh, Bernadette, please play my clarinet.”
Leonard: Wow, that’s hard to believe.
Priya: Yes. And for years, everyone in my family was convinced that he was the clarinet enthusiast.
& Priya: Hmm. What’s that piece of tape?
Leonard: Oh, that one doesn’t apply to you. You sit.
& Penny: I’m sure Bernadette can do better.
Leonard: Do you think a sexually ambivalent Indian astrophysicist with selective mutism and alcohol issues is better than a hundred-pound Jewish guy who lives with his mom?
Penny: You are kidding! Raj likes Bernadette?!
Leonard: I didn’t say Raj! Who said Raj?
& Penny: How do you know? Did he tell you?
Leonard: No. ... I can’t say...
Penny: Priya told you. What a little... gossip. You know, not an attractive quality in a woman, Leonard. Not judging, just my opinion.
Leonard: Well, the point is, if this got out, it would destroy Howard and Raj’s friendship.
Penny: You don’t have to worry. Unlike Amy and Priya, I know how to keep a secret.
Leonard: You’re the one who told Amy in the first place.
Penny: In confidence!
& Raj: Hello, Mummy. Hello, Daddy. How are you?
Raj’s Mom: We’re very rich in a very poor country. So, all in all, can’t complain.
& Raj’s Dad: Rajesh, are you letting your sister date that little Howard boy?
Raj’s Mom: Now, hold on. If she is dating an American, that’s not a bad way to go. He’s Jewish. Those chaps are very successful, and they don’t drink a lot.
& Raj: Is something going on with him and Bernadette?
Raj’s Dad: Who’s Bernadette? Doesn’t sound Jewish.
Raj’s Mom: You can’t tell by that. Winona Ryder is Jewish.
& Raj: Oh, my God, I think you broke my toe!
Priya: You should have kept your mouth shut.
Raj: Fair enough. Now, what’s up with Clarinet? ... Bernadette!
& Sheldon: I’ve been thinking about Dr. Greene’s efforts to make science palatable for the masses.
Leonard: Oh, yeah? What about it?
Sheldon: That’s all. I’ve just been thinking about it. Now, I’m thinking about fractal equations... Now I’m thinking about the origin of the phrase “train of thought.”... Now I’m thinking about trains.
& Raj: Are you listening to this guy?
Howard: Hmm? Oh, I’m sorry. I was somewhere else.
Leonard: Lucky bastard.
Sheldon: Now I’m thinking about Jell-O.
& Howard: Oh, great. It’s my cousin David about the ring. Hey, David, what’d you find? ... Sure, a half a caret’s fine. Her freakishly small hands make anything look big. It’s one of the reasons I love her.
& Sheldon: Why are you smiling?
Leonard: Yeah, Raj, why?
Raj: Uh... a smile means something different in my country. You know, tears of joy, smile of sadness. India’s a goofy place.
Sheldon: Oh, I’m back to trains. Woo-woo.
& Amy: Did I tell you our lab got a grant to study addiction?.. I recently trained a capuchin monkey to smoke cigarettes.
Sheldon: Have you learned anything?
Amy: Yes. He looks much cooler than the non-smoking monkeys. Although it’s not much of a contest. The other monkeys just sit around and masturbate.
& Sheldon: If you don’t mind, I’d like to stop listening to you and start talking.
Amy: By all means.
Sheldon: Howard has announced his intention to propose marriage to Bernadette.
Amy: I don’t understand. The original piece of gossip indicated an impending breakup.
& Amy: Are you familiar with Meme theory?
Sheldon: I’m familiar with everything, but go on.
Amy: Meme theory suggests that items of gossip are like living things that seek to reproduce using humans as their host.
Sheldon: I’m no stranger to memetic epidemiology. At Johnson Elementary School, the phrase “Shelly Cooper’s a smelly pooper” spread like wildfire.
Amy: I should think so. That’s gold.
& Amy: Do you have any ethical qualms* regarding human experimentation?
Sheldon: It’s one of the few forms of interaction with people that I don’t find repellent.
Amy: We need to fabricate a tantalizing piece of gossip.
Sheldon: And a second non-tantalizing piece to use as a control.
Amy: Then we’ll track its progress through our social group and interpret the results through the competing academic prisms of memetic theory, algebraic gossip and epidemiology.
Sheldon: Look at you, getting me to engage in the social sciences! You’re a vixen*, Amy Farrah Fowler.
& Penny: Oh, hey, Amy. What’s up?
Amy: Sheldon and I engaged in sexual intercourse. In other news, I’m thinking of starting an herb garden. Mum’s the word. Gotta go.
& Penny: How do you know that?
Raj: My sister told me.
Penny: Oh, that gossipy bitch. ... No offense.
Raj: None taken. You should hear how she talks about you...
& Penny: Okay, listen, just because Howard and Bernadette are having problems, does not mean you should be here sniffing around.
Raj: What can I do? I can’t stop thinking about her.
Penny: All right, try thinking about thiSheldon: Sheldon and Amy had sex.
Raj: Shut your ass! ... How did that even happen? Did they know that’s what they were doing when they were doing it?
Penny: I... I guess they just figured it out at some point.
Raj: Wow. I can’t believe old Smelly Pooper finally got laid.
& Leonard: Hey. Hope you’re hungry?
Sheldon: Interesting. A friendly sentiment in this country, cruel taunt in the Sudan. It’s a lesson in context.
& Leonard: I was just talking to Raj, and he mentioned what a lovely glow she has these days.
Sheldon: Did he mean as if she’d been out in the sun, tending an herb garden without wearing a hat or sunblock?
Leonard: No. That’s not what he meant.
Sheldon: Well, we may never know. As my mother would say, the Asians are an inscrutable* folk. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.
Leonard: Yeah, you do. You dog, you.
& Sheldon: I must say, Amy, pretending to have intercourse with you is giving me a great deal of satisfaction.
Amy: Slow down, Sheldon. I’m not quite there yet.
& Amy: Bernadette just asked about my sexual encounter with you. The meme has reached full penetration.
Sheldon: Pun* intended?
Amy: No. Happy accident.
& Amy: I should let you know that she asked for details about our dalliance*.
Sheldon: Interesting. So it went beyond the mere fact of coitus to a “blow by blow,”* as it were.
Amy: Pun intended?
Sheldon: I’m sorry. What pun?
Amy: Not important.
& Amy: I described your lovemaking as “aloof*, but effective.”
Sheldon: I wish you hadn’t done that. That’s going to make me a chick magnet, and I’m so busy as it is.
& Howard: Hey, everybody, I got something I want to ask Bernadette, and I can’t think of a better time than when I’m with all my friends.
Leonard: Oh, hold on, Howard. There’s lots of better times.
Raj: Leonard, please. The man is talking. Let him get it out, and let the chips fall where they may.
Howard: ... Thank you. Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski...
& Amy: I wonder what changed her mind...
Sheldon: Perhaps your talk of my sexual prowess* renewed her faith in love.
Amy: As good an explanation as any.
& Penny: Bernadette just texted me. Howard proposed?
Amy: Yes, not important. Just stopped by to let you know I’m getting orthotics. Also, I’m carrying Sheldon’s baby. Mum’s the word. ...
Leonard: You’re pregnant?!
Amy: Wow. Is there anything on there about orthotics?
--- Dict:
Germination — проращивание; зарождение; рост; развитие
tidbit — лакомый кусок; пикантная новость
poppycock — чепуха; вздор
what's the 4-1-1 = what's happening/going on
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=411
qualms — сомнения; опасение
vixen — лиса; мегера
inscrutable — непостижимый; непроницаемый; загадочный
Pun — каламбур
dalliance — флирт
blow by blow = told in great detail = means to give or receive blowjob
aloof — равнодушный; отчужденный
prowess — доблесть; удаль; отвага
On Imdb.
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