The Sign of Three

Sherlock 3×2

& Lestrade: Argh! Argh! AARGH!
    Sgt Donovan: Oh! Greg...
    Lestrade: In the act! It’s the only way we’re going to do this, in the act!

& Lestrade: You know how most days aren’t good days?

& Lestrade: What’s going on?!
    Sherlock: This is hard.
    Lestrade: What?!!
    Sherlock: Really hard. Hardest thing I’ve ever had to do... Do you know any funny stories about John?

& Sherlock: Shut up, Mrs Hudson.
    Mrs. Hudson: I haven’t said a word.
    Sherlock: You’re formulating a question, it’s physically painful watching you think.

& Mrs. Hudson: Your mother has a lot to answer for.
    Sherlock: Hmm, I know. I have a list. Mycroft has a file.

& Mrs. Hudson: So, it’s the big day then.
    Sherlock: What big day?
    Mrs. Hudson: The wedding! John and Mary getting married.
    Sherlock: Two people who currently live together are about to attend church, have a party, go on a short holiday, then carry on living together. What’s big about that?
    Mrs. Hudson: It changes people, marriage.
    Sherlock: Hmm, no it doesn’t.

& Sherlock: Right then. Into battle.

& Sherlock: I think from now on, we’ll downgrade you to casual acquaintance. No more than three planned social encounters a year and always in John’s presence. I have your contact details. I will be monitoring.
    David: They’re right about you. You’re a bloody psychopath.
    Sherlock: High functioning sociopath, with your number.

& Mary: Oh, Sherlock! Neither of us were the first, you know.
    Sherlock: Stop smiling.
    Mary: It’s my wedding day!

& Majordom: Pray silence for the best man.
    Sherlock: Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, and... um, others. Er...

---

& Sherlock: Right, um... First things first, telegrams. Well, they’re not actually telegrams, we just call them telegrams. I don’t know why. Wedding tradition. Because we don’t have enough of that already, apparently.

& Sherlock: John Watson. My friend, John Watson.

& Sherlock: I’m afraid, John, I can’t congratulate you. All emotions, and in particular love, stand opposed to the pure, cold reason I hold above all things. A wedding is, in my considered opinion, nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious and irrational and sentimental in this ailing and morally compromised world. Today we honour the deathwatch beetle that is the doom of our society, and in time, one feels certain, our entire species.

& Sherlock: It is a fact, I believe, that brides tend to favour exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day. There is a certain analogy there, I feel. And contrast is, after all, God’s own plan to enhance the beauty of his creation. Or it would be if God were not a ludicrous fantasy designed to provide a career opportunity for the family idiot.

& Sherlock: The point I’m trying to make is that I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant and all-round obnoxious arsehole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet. I am dismissive of the virtuous, unaware of the beautiful and uncomprehending in the face of the happy. So if I didn’t understand I was being asked to be best man, it is because I never expected to be anybody’s best friend.

& Sherlock: Ah, yes. Now onto some funny stories about John... What’s wrong? What happened? Why are you all doing that? John?
    Mrs. Hudson: Oh, Sherlock!
    Sherlock: Did I do it wrong?
    Watson: No, you didn’t. Come here.

& Sherlock: Scotland Yard, have you got a theory? Yeah, you, you’re a detective, broadly speaking. Got a theory?
    Lestrade: Er, um, if the, er... If the... If the...

& Sherlock: Ash. I know ash.

& Sherlock: I have an international reputation. Do you have an international reputation?
    Watson: No, I don’t have an international reputation.
    Sherlock: No. And I can’t even remember what for. It’s crime... something or other.

& Watson: Am I... pretty? This?
    Sherlock: Beauty is a construct based entirely on childhood impressions, influences and role models.
    Watson: Yeah, but am I a pretty lady?

& Sherlock: A word to the wise, should any of you require the services of either of us, I will solve your murder, but it takes John Watson to save your life.

& Sherlock: This blog is the story of two men and their, frankly, ridiculous adventures of murder, mystery and mayhem. But from now on, there’s a new story. A bigger adventure... Today begin the adventures of Mary Elizabeth Watson and John Hamish Watson.

& Mycroft: Oh, Sherlock! What do we say about coincidences?
    Sherlock: The universe is rarely so lazy.
    Mycroft: So, the balance of probability is?
    Sherlock: Someone went to great lengths to find out something...
    Mycroft: What great lengths?
    Sherlock: They lied...
    Mycroft: Which suggests?
    Sherlock: Criminal intent.
    Mycroft: Also suggests?
    Sherlock: Intelligence, planning.
    Mycroft: Clearly. But more importantly?

& Sherlock: All of which is suggestive of... Murder! Sorry, did I say murder? I meant to say marriage. But, you know, they’re quite similar procedures, when you think about it. The participants tend to know each other and it’s over when one of them’s dead. In fairness, murder is a lot quicker though.

& Sherlock: Let’s play a game. Let’s play murder.

& Sherlock: Imagine someone’s going to get murdered at a wedding. Who exactly would you pick?
    Mrs. Hudson: I think you’re a popular choice at the moment, dear.

& Sherlock: As a mental exercise, I’ve often planned the murder of friends and colleagues...

& Sherlock: Can I let you in on something, Janine?.. I love dancing, I’ve always loved it.
    Janine: Seriously?
    Sherlock: Watch out. .... Never really comes up in crime work, but, you know, I live in hope of the right case.
    Janine: Oh, I wish you weren’t... whatever it is you are.

& Sherlock: Today we saw two people make vows. I’ve never made a vow in my life and after tonight I never will again. So, here in front of you all, my first and last vow. Mary and John, whatever it takes, whatever happens, from now on, I swear I will always be there. Always. For all three of you.

& Sherlock: Anyway, it’s time for dancing. Play the music again, please. Thank you. OK, everybody, just dance, don’t be shy. Dancing, please. Very good.

& Sherlock: Sorry, that was one more deduction than I was really expecting.
    Watson: Deduction?
    Sherlock: Increased appetite... Change of taste perception... You were sick this morning... You got angry with me when I mentioned it to you. All the signs are there.
    Mary: The signs?
    Sherlock: The signs of three.


+ quotes on the IMDb