Dead from the Waist Down

Two and a Half Men 8×11

& Charlie: What are you guys up to tonight?
    Alan: Not much. Just a quiet romantic evening at home.
    Lyndsey: ’Loser.’
    Alan: Come on. That’s not fair.
    Lyndsey: No, it’s my word. “Loser.”
    Alan: Oh. Oh. I should point out that you could have used the C at the top of the board... and made “closer.”
    Lyndsey: I’ll stick with loser.

& Charlie: Pottery Barn?
    Alan: Yeah, I’m looking for ideas for a birthday present for Lyndsey.
    Charlie: At the Pottery Barn?
    Alan: There are ways to communicate your feelings for a woman... besides throwing diamonds at her.
    Charlie: True, but diamonds get you limo skull. Pottery Barn won’t get you dry humped in the back of a city bus.

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& Jake: I need money.
    Alan: Join the club.

& Charlie: I don’t want you buying stuff for that clown on my credit card.
    Courtney: Why not? You buy me stuff.
    Charlie: There’s a difference.
    Courtney: What’s that?
    Charlie: Well, you’re having sex with me and he’s just screwing me.

& Alan: All right, all right, I just have to say something here. You whine and moan about not having enough money... to buy decent clothes for our son... and yet somehow there’s enough for you to go out... and have a big fancy dinner.
    Judith: What?!
    Alan: Oh, are you suddenly hard of hearing or are you just allergic to the truth?

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