House M.D. 8x3

Charity Case

& Phoenix Foundation clerk 2 Michael Scofild Benjamin: If you don’t know how to use a computer, we will teach you here. Most jobs require at least basic word processing skills. We try to get you up to 50 words per minute. We also have a course in how to talk to someone in an interview. Stuff like what employers are looking for, how to turn negatives into positives. We can also provide clothes for the interview if you need them.
    Benjamin Byrd: ! Great!

# Gotta build
# and destroy
# then rebuild
# and destroy
# oh, I’m gonna build, build, build
# destroy
# then rebuild
# and destroy

& Chi: Why am I watching you cut your hair?
    House: If I do it at home, I’m the one who has to clean it up.

& House: New life, new look.

& Chi: You can’t afford a team.
    House: Adams is free. And I’m referring both to her availability and her price tag. New girl, meet newer girl, and vice versa.

& Adams: You said we were meeting for coffee...
    House: Well, when someone asks if you want coffee, they obviously don’t just mean coffee. Wait... did you think I was referring to sex? Would you shut the blinds on your way out?

& Chi: I don’t think we actually have much of a case. I think it’s just dehydration.
    House: What happened the last time another doctor told you I was wrong about a case?
    Adams: I lost my job.
    House: You saved a life.

& Benjamin: I started with 10 million, and I couldn’t think of a reason not to give 20. Or 40. I figure I could live off $25,000 a year. One-room apartment. Bus pass, thrift stores. Bare necessities... I still have my software company.And when I make more, I’ll give that way too.

& Chi: He’s nuts.
    Adams: He’s generous.

---

& Adams: That’s good. Not sick.
    Chi: That’s naive and sick.

& Foreman: What’s your evil plan?

& Chi: There is a symptom... Extreme altruism.

& Thirteen: I’m not coming back, House.
    House: Technically, you’re back right now.
    Thirteen: I need you to stop calling me. First 17 messages were cute, but...

& Thirteen: Please stop calling me.
    House: ... No. You showed up to tell me that you don’t want to hear from me. That’s a mixed signal. I will choose to listen to your actions rather than your words. They’re more honest.

& House: Wow. I am an opportunistic ex-con who just gave you a two-minute sob story as step three in my master plan, and you’ve offered me $1 million. Which is step 17.
    Benjamin: Is that bad?
    House: Ethics are not my strong suit.

& Thirteen: Look, I thought about what you said, and I realized you were right.
    House: Great. See you tomorrow morning.
    Thirteen: No, you won’t.
    House: Afternoon? I can’t think of another interpretation.

& Thirteen: You were actually a friend to me when I needed it. I don’t wanna come back to work for you. But I was wrong to try to push you out of my life.
    House: Everything has gone blue. That’s not supposed to happen, right?

& Adams: Can you do me a favor?
    Chi: A favor? You want me to return these? Give them to someone? Wear them while you masturbate?

& Chi: You do know I punched the last person that pissed me off?
    Adams: Was it Santa?

& Wilson: Perfectly logical.
    House: People with mental deficiency can be logical. Just like sane people can be illogical.

& House: You were right. Counts for nothing if you can’t defend it.

& Thirteen: Foreman’s gonna need a diagnostician. This guy is crazy.

& House: You know, the “down” vibe in here is totally ruining my Charlie’s Angels fantasy. And that haircut isn’t helping, either.

& House: Now, what else?.. Well, if there’s nothing better than possible, then possible gets upgraded to probable.

& Thirteen: I have the skills to help people. Is it okay for me to walk away from that because I... want to just have fun?
    House: Obviously not.

& Benjamin: I love my family. I want to be with them. That doesn’t make me a bad person.
    House: No. It makes you a healthy person.

& Chi: That’s $4,500.
    Adams: Smile and say thank you. Or I get you G.P.S.
    Chi: You win... Thank you.

& Chi: Your car is getting fixed. You’re right. She went for it.
    House: Good work. Need a lift tomorrow? ’Cause your car is still in the shop.
    Chi: I don’t take charity.

& House: Nothing is ever over.

& Thirteen: Bye, House.

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+ quotes on Imdb.