The Big Bang Theory 5x7

The Good Guy Fluctuation

& Sheldon: And reverse the spin on the antiproton... and gamma becomes alpha... Multiplied by a matrix of negative i comma zero... And there we have it. Conclusive proof that I am absolutely worthless after 9:00.

& Sheldon: All right, all right. I see what’s going on. A little pre-Halloween hijinkery.

& Sheldon: A ghostly moan, a rattling of chains, a witch’s cackle. The trifecta of haunted house clichés.

& Sheldon: “See you in hell Sheldon.” The most frightening thing about that is the missing comma.

& Howard: Who had money on “faints”?
    Raj: I had “pee his pants.”
    Leonard: Hang on. Looks like everyone’s a winner.

& Alice: Hey, if I pretended to hit on you, could I distract you enough to sneak it away?
    Leonard: Yes, but you’d be using your superpowers for evil.
    Alice: Damn, I’m forbidden by my Kryptonian father to do so.

& Leonard: More Halloween candy? Didn’t you just buy a bunch of it yesterday?
    Penny: Oh. Yeah. That’s gone. It’s a rough month when Halloween and PMS hit at the same time.

& Penny: Want some mac and cheese?
    Leonard: No. Lactose. Gas.
    Penny: Glass of wine?
    Leonard: No. Sulfites. Migraines.
    Penny: Okay, well, I’d offer you Halloween candy, but that’s gone.

& Penny: So, what’s up?
    Leonard: Okay, we used to go out, right?
    Penny: Oh, my God, that’s where I know you from.

& Leonard: Okay, uh... here it is. Is it cheating if a guy has a girlfriend...
    Penny: Yeah, probably.

---

& Penny: Did you guys do it?
    Leonard: No. We just made out a little.
    Penny: Oh, look at you, you bad boy. Did you tell her about Priya?
    Leonard: Well, I was gonna, but there were too many tongues in my mouth.

& Penny: Leonard, you’re looking for a way to sleep with both women and have everybody be happy about it.
    Leonard: Now we’re getting somewhere.

& Penny: What does your gut tell you?
    Leonard: “Go ask Penny; she’ll know what to do.”

& Leonard: What are you doing?
    Sheldon: Science. You wouldn’t understand.

& Leonard: Well... they say at the end of your life, you regret the stuff you didn’t do more than the stuff that you did, and I’m pretty sure Alice is the stuff I want to do.
    Sheldon: You know, the German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche, believed that morality is just a fiction used by the herd of inferior human beings to hold back the few superior men.
    Leonard: That actually does help.
    Sheldon: It’s worth noting that he died of syphilis.

& — Who is it!
    Sheldon: It’s me, Sheldon, Mrs. Wolowitz.
    Howard: That’s not my mom, it’s Bernadette.

& Bernadette: Oh, my God, Howard! What did you do?
    Sheldon: It was a harmless Halloween prank. Look.
    Bernadette: Howard has a heart condition! You know that!
    Sheldon: Well, I thought he made that up. I... Isn’t hypochondria a common idiosyncrasy of Jewish people?..

& Leonard: I... I was going to be a jackass, but I stopped myself. I stayed a good guy, so... I’m gonna pass on the sex. But you should know, that’s not a comment on your hotness but on my goodness. That’s kind of my superpower. I’m, like, Captain Good Guy.

& Priya: Leonard, relax. It’s okay. Yeah, these things happen. They happen to everybody.
    Leonard: Oh, my God, you are amazing. I mean, I don’t deserve you. Wait! Wh... what do you mean “everybody”?
    Priya: Leonard, I didn’t know if I should tell you, but I kind of cheated on you, too.
    Leonard: Kind of?

& Priya: I guess we both messed up a little.
    Leonard: No, no, I messed up a little. You messed up a lot.

& Sheldon: Bazinga, punk. Now we’re even.

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