Friends with Benefits

& Dylan Harper: I was tied up at work. I’m sorry.
    Kayla: Maybe you should care a little bit less about work... and a little more about the girl that you’re dating. Coz last time I checked, work doesn’t reassure you that... liking a finger up your ass, doesn’t make you gay.
    Dylan: I never said go up, OK? I just said lightly around... It’s like a little button...

& Jamie: It’s a huge opportunity, Dylan. Art director of GQ magazine, this is the big leagues. No offense to your little blog on the internet.
    Dylan: ...Which got 6 mil. hits last month.
    Jamie: I could put up a video of me mixing cake batter with my boobs... and it would get 8 mil. hits.
    Dylan: It’s been done... dunkinmytitshynes.com.
    Jamie: Really?

& Dylan: Why do women think the only way to get a man to do what they want... is to manipulate them?
    Jamie: History, personal experience, romantic comedies.

& Dylan: All I’m saying is, it wasn’t so much the pilot’s skill that landed that plane on the river... as much as the mechanics of the aircraft.
    ’Hero’: Are you saying that captain Sully wasn’t a hero?
    Dylan: No, no! There was just other factors.
    ’Hero’: Are you not an American?

& Taxi driver: Hey, do you wanna get your shit out of my car or what? Welcome to NY. Go and fuck a dick.

---

& Jamie: Dylan, I...
    Dylan: Relax. Just a friend going down on another friend.
    Jamie: Oh yeah, baby! Tornado!
    Dylan: What?!
    Jamie: What are you trying to do, dig your way to China?
    Dylan: I’m good at this!
    Jamie: Says who?
    Dylan: Every girl I’ve been with.
    Jamie: Well, they’re either lying or their vaginas are made out of burlap. So, relax. You’re not a lizard. OK fine! A little to the right...
    Dylan: OK.
    Jamie: A little bit more to the left...
    Dylan: Copy that.
    Jamie: Now, go down...
    Dylan: Here we go!
    Jamie: Oh! Too far!
    Dylan: Sorry! What’s wrong?
    Jamie: Nothing!
    Dylan: Women start to scream, it can be misconstrued.
    Jamie: Just keep going! Yeah, you know it!
    Dylan: Let me tell you how I like it. Most girls think you should start out soft, but if you just get in... Yeah. You know it.

& Tommy: Nobody wants to fuck Obama, bro. He’s got ears like an elephant. That’s not the part of an elephant you want.

& Dylan: I have to go to the bathroom.
    Jamie: Now?!
    Dylan: Yes, now. I had a lot of water melon.
    Jamie: What’s going on in there?
    Dylan: Do you know how hard it is to pee with a hard on?
    Jamie: No, actually.
    Dylan: It’s like two lanes of traffic merging into one. It takes time.
    Jamie: ... Are you pooping?!
    Dylan: No!
    Jamie: Why are you sitting down?
    Dylan: It’s easier to control. You want a mess in here?

& Jamie: All you have at home is drinkable yogourt.
    Dylan: I like to drink my yogourt, it’s a time saver.
    Jamie: You think you could use that time to shave your stubble. Your whiskers are like knives.
    Dylan: Now see, if you were my girlfriend, I couldn’t tell you to shut up right now.
    Jamie: And because you’re just my buddy, I can tell you that if you don’t start shaving up here... I’m gonna stop shaving... down there.

& Dylan: So, it’s always just about sex then?
    Tommy: No, I’ve been in a lot of... I’ve been down that rabbit hole. You know what I discovered? It’s not who you want to spend Friday night with, it’s who you want to spend all day Saturday with. But then it’s every Saturday for the rest of your life.

& Dylan: This is where I used to come and think. My rooftop.
    Jamie: Ok, how high do you think that fence is?
    Dylan: I’m a little over 6 foot, looks like it’s about 3 of me,so... 6 times 3... 92 feet.
    Jamie: 92 feet?
    Dylan: That’s really tall, right?

& Tommy: Hey, everybody wants a shortcut in life. My guide book is very simple. You wanna lose weight, stop eating, fatty. You wanna make money, work your ass off, lazy. You wanna be happy, find someone you like and never let him go. Or her, if you’re into that kinda creepy shit.

& — I’m sorry, who are you?
    Jamie: One of the models. I have the perfect body for PhotoShop. This gets more angular, these get longer, this gets way more christian... So, where did you say he was again?

& Jamie: Mom, I’m over by the exit. Where are you?
    Jamie’s Mom: I’m standing right by the guy in the tie.
    Jamie: There’s are a million guys in ties!
    Mom: Look for the guy I’m standing next to.

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+ quotes on the Imdb.

__ Pretty nice.